Hello, I was wondering if you can just write the Bishop you are moving due to a job, and then just never give a new address, or do you really have to do certified letters requesting removal from the list of members?

I am just wanting to quietly stop going.....

Thanks for any advice.

You can just become "less active" and stop attending - with or without moving. If you don't move, expect visitors to try to convince you to return.

If you do move without leaving a forwarding address, the church will make extensive efforts to locate you, and then you will get visitors tryin to convince you to return.

You can resign without a certified letter - you can even do it by email. See https://www.exmormon.org/remove.htm

Thank you so much for the help!

Since I have a 'calling' I have to tell them something and I figured saying I was moving would let me kind of escape....

If they come I can just never answer the door, right?

You never have to answer the door but it becomes annoying as the knock and knock and come by at all hours. A simple resignation stops everything.

You don't owe them anything. Tell the bishop to pound sand.

It's better to resign. They harassed me before I did. Which was why I did. After resigning it stopped. Although the ongoing interference with my by then adult child did not. Which only reinforced the fact it is a cult that we were leaving when we did. Only a cult would mess with families the way TSCC does.

Eventually, the church will track you down. They have no shame in harassing elderly members of your family for your address, phone # and even the place of your employment.

I had a secretary ask me if my church was on fire. I told her no. She then asked me if I could tell the church to stop calling because it was interfering with the running of the business.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/26/2018 04:11PM by messygoop.

The church won't leave well enough alone and WILL try to track you down, make no mistake. They have "missionaries" whose sole function is to find you and "invite" you to return. They will pester your family to cough up your contact info. They will scour the internet… you get the idea.

Here's how they do it:

http://tech.lds.org/wiki/Locating_members

Wow!

Thanks for the info, everyone! Scary!!!

I guess I will have to formally resign. I don't want to be tracked down!!!

Thank you so much for the insight. I wish I had found this forum before being talked into joining and being baptized. Darn it.

They will never, EVER leave you alone. I officially resigned, although it seemed silly to have to do so. It was worth it to me, though, because it made a statement to them. They'll continue to count you as an active member until you're 110, but I don't think there's any way around that - they have to spin their numbers and that's an easy way for them to look better than they are. But, if you resign you get the satisfaction of dumping them officially and they then have to stop harassing you.

Give your bishop two weeks notice that you are resigning your calling. You can do this in person, or via phone or email. If he asks why, tell him it's for personal reasons. Don't elaborate any further. It is truly none of his business. Stop attending after that two weeks. See what happens. Many people are harassed with church visitors, emails, and callers. Some are not. If you are harassed, you can always resign. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

This was a long time ago (1981), but...

I just stopped going. And then moved (to another city to go to college), and didn't give anybody a new address. I did tell family I was "out" and wasn't coming back, but I never notified anybody in the church. I did refuse a new calling just before ceasing to attend, but that was it.

It worked out fine. They mostly left me alone. I found out later, though, that they had ex'd me "in absentia," which is probably why they left me alone. That was OK with me, it might not be with you. And this was before there was any such thing as an official process to remove your name...

they ex'd you in absentia ?
Don't they have to put you on double secret probation first ?

I stopped going to church when I was 23. The first and only time the church came looking for me was when I was 39 and had moved seven times. A guy identifying himself as the elders quorum president showed up at my door one evening. I talked to him on the porch for about three minutes, explaining I no longer considered myself a Mormon and that if for some reason I wanted to go back to their church I knew how to find them. Then when I was 56 I decided to make it official. I had to do some research to find out what ward I supposedly lived in and who the bishop was.

Your mileage may vary.

You can resign easily at Quit mormon dot com.

My son sort of disappeared off their radar. Then out of the blue years later, they called his elderly grandmother 1,000 miles away. The caller said, "Don't you want your grandson to go to church? Do you have his address?"

The poor old lady was devastated. She had no idea. It strained the relationship in the family. To her credit, she didn't rat him out, but it hurt her deeply. She called to tell us.

We had asked them to keep things confidential when we resigned years earlier. They still had the kids on the roles and felt the need to find them.

They just can't stand not having somewhere to send membership records.

My hippie half-brother whom I barely knew, as he's a generation older than I am had fallen off the Mormon radar for years and years. Even his own family including ex-wife and children didn't know what happened to him.

Out of the blue I got a call from SLC one afternoon, I believe it was after or around the time I resigned my membership, asking me if I knew where so and so was? I was gobsmacked! I hadn't heard his name mentioned in like years.

He wasn't a practicing Mormon for as long as I'd known of him. He'd been a hippy since the 1960's. That's why he kept falling off the radar from his family who was also not practicing LDS. His mom had been LDS. His brothers, and my half-sister were. But why call me who didn't even know the guy? It was one of the strangest calls I've ever received.

So I called my other half-brother out of curiosity to see if he knew where so and so was? He hadn't heard from him in years either. For all their family knew he could be dead. Overdosed, whatever. They had no idea, including his own adult children. How sad.

But for TSCC to make it their business? I was bothered by that. Because he had nothing to do with TSCC for his adult life. At least if he didn't resign he won't be posthumously dead dunked after he's dead and gone.

Yes, it is scary!

Mormonism is a cult, not a church. You can't just stop attending, like you can in normal churches.

Remember, when you approach your bishop, that he has absolutely NO AUTHORITY OVER YOU. Mormons have no authority with God or Christ. It's all self-appointed, through others in their good ol' boy's club. They want your money. They want your time. They want names on their lists.

Your "calling" is not called from God or Christ. It's nothing but a VOLUNTEER job, and you have a RIGHT to stop volunteering. The Mormons are ruder than other groups in the world, so don't expect them to thank you for all your service and donations. Expect them to come beating on your door after 9:00 at night, in groups of two and three. It was scary for me, because I was living alone at the time. The only way to stop their harassment, and their abuse of my children, was to resign. Once, a priesthood leader picked up my son and tried to carry him out of my house, to a meeting he didn't want to go to. I had previously told them several times that my son had too much homework, and that school came first. I had to threaten to call the police, to make him stop, and get out of my house! Back 12 years ago the church kept stalling with my resignation, for 11 months, and I called the main office, and threatened to sue them, if they didn't agree to my resignation. The next day, I got a "letter of confirmation."

Even then, the letter of confirmation merely said my name was "removed from the rolls". The Mormon cult never says you are "resigned."

What did we expect from a nasty cult, anyway?

After you resign, expect to be shunned by most of the ward members. In my case, I don't want anything to do with people like that, anyway. My children and I have done very well, and are very happy, and we have good non-Mormon friends. We all live in the same neighborhood.

There are worse things than "offending" a few fake-friends, or embarrassing the bishop. Stand up for yourself!

Good luck--please return and report!

Oh yeah, don't let them string you along, by demanding that you find a substitute for your calling! Don't agree to stay on until they find someone else. You. Are. Done. Volunteering. If they can't find someone to take your place, that is their problem, not yours. Members are leaving that church in droves, and the cult should learn to be nicer to people.

How THEY react depends on what kind of people you're dealing with in your area.

I've never gone through any formalities prescribed by the LSD Church to resign or anything else. I've been left alone for about 3 decades now. I don't recognize the LSD Church as having any more power or authority than the local tree house club or Freddy's weekend chess club.

At one point when I was living in a college town, some relatives tipped off the local ward and they assigned and sent a "home teacher" to me. It was no big deal. He would ask for an appointment to meet me. About 2 or 3 times a year, I would agree to meet him at a coffee shop or some place other than my home. I would be friendly. He would be friendly and invite me to Church. I would tell him I'd think about it or not. I made a point of not being hostile. If it was inconvenient to meet, I'd say "let's shoot for sometime next month" or something like that. After a while, he lost interest.

They're just people in a somewhat weird organization. Except in the rarest of occasions, they aren't like the mafia or some street gang that seek to kill you or destroy you for leaving, especially if you're not in attack mode every time you meet them. In their own minds, they're trying to "serve" you and "help" you. They aren't out to destroy you.(Exceptions may apply, but not all that often.)

In fact, when dealing with assigned home teachers, friends or fellowshippers seeking to "reactivate" me, I would honestly tell them that I had "testimony problems" and that I didn't hate them. I just had questions that I had not found satisfactory answers for. The ones who knew me well never followed up because I think they knew that my questions would be hard questions for them to answer. In fact, with regard to active friends and family members, it always amazed me how they completely avoided asking me any questions as to WHY I had a hard time believing in the Church. It was like they were really afraid to go there and skirted around it at all costs. They would bear their testimonies. But if I ever started explaining my issues, they would quickly look at their watch and do the old "Whoa! Look at the time! Gotta run!" routine and eject out of there like a pilot in a badly damaged fighter plane.

The ones who didn't know me thought that it was an opening when I said that I had testimony issues and volunteered to help me gain my testimony back by getting answers to my questions. Invariably, after one round of me explaining my questions and issues, they punted and never contacted me again. (A couple of them ended up going inactive a few years later.)

Yes. We can just leave the Mormon Church, anytime we want.
For some, it's as easy as that. For most, especially those that post here, find it a daunting task as it's a whole family life style with ingrained customs and expectations, and often temple marriage which puts another spin on it.

There is no law that says you must attend the Mormon Church even if you are a baptised member.
The problem is that they don't let people go, easily.
They call, write letters, text, come to the house, etc.

So, you'll need Plan so you can handle anything that comes up.
Remember, you owe no one an explanation. You can give a short answer like: I don't believe any of it.
And, no, I'm not interested in praying about it, either.

Posters have given you a lot of suggestions. My view is to keep your answer short and to the point. Resist their inquiries, and if you want to, you can write an email and Resign Your Membership. That cuts them off, completely.

If you have Mormon family to deal with, you have to figure out how to deal with them.

This is your life. You're at the wheel. You decide what you want to believe and how you want to spend your time.

Refuse to allow people to try to make you feel bad or feel like you did something wrong. You're OK. You were always Ok.

Yes. Walked away quietly, without fuss or drama, 23 years ago. Have only been contacted by a ward clerk once, stated that “I’m no longer Mormon” and hung up. Haven’t been contacted since. This, while living most of these years in Utah.

I'm sure circumstances vary and some people are in local units full of busybodies and meddling people who make it necessary to do the formal resigning thing (even though that in itself is an act of final submission to the Church's procedures and rules).

In some cases, though, I think the continuing entanglement is a result of people trying to get some form of closure through confrontation or arguments with the hapless locals, who in turn feel an obligation to respond/defend/reactivate. To people who feel a need for closure through continuing dialog with local church people, I would advise against it. Just walk away. Make it inconvenient for them to schedule appointments with you. Put them off politely. Don't give them any "handles" (in the form of information about yourself) that they can use to threaten excommunication.

Every few years, there comes a case when someone becomes famous for launching a public campaign against the Church and its leaders while, oddly, wanting to claim to be a member in good standing and therefore acting outraged when the Church threatens excommunication. I guess it's good for publicity. But I don't think acting outraged at the threat of excommunication in those circumstances is ever persuasive vis-a-vis TBMs. They will almost always view it as a reasonable and measured response to open public rebellion that defies the authority of their beloved leaders. That kind of stunt only impresses fellow travelers who already hold the Church in contempt.

I'm impressed by much of Michael Quinn's scholarship. I've never been impressed by his desire to be a member in good standing and haven't felt any particular sympathy for him on that front.

Wally Prince Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm impressed by much of Michael Quinn's
> scholarship. I've never been impressed by his
> desire to be a member in good standing and haven't
> felt any particular sympathy for him on that
> front.

I think he just wants to be a member no matter what his standing.

mel Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I am just wanting to quietly stop going.....
>

Shhh!

No, that's not possible.

Telling a Bishop is asking for it, don't you think?

Hey Bishop Kanyu Keppa Secret, I'm moving away from here and Mormonism, and I'm not saying where.

Cool.

Aren't you going to ask where?

No, we are/ I am/ tscc is just happy to see you go hopefully certainly to bigger and better and more fulfilling things.

If you feel it's too late to walk-run!

M@t

Honestly, I was very low-key with the Mormons. I was afraid of them. I never debated or argued, and no one ever asked me WHY I left. Like the other posters write, the Mormons just don't go there. They will TELL you why you left, but never ask; they will talk and bear their testimony at you, but never listen.

I never rebelled, either, but continued to live a peaceful, Christian life, guided by the LOVE I had for my children and others.

Still--I was harassed. I think it was because I was succeeding where others were failing. I was a female, and had the same career that the bishop had. I was successful. I paid off my mortgage outright, put my kids through college, they succeeded at their careers and bought homes in the neighborhood. The bishop was unintelligent, and was always trying to get away with cutting corners and cheating. He was in debt. He was a bully, and I did stand up to him, for the sake of my kids. He lost his job and lost his house, and had to move out of the ward. His son is a loser, who lives in the basement and is in and out of rehab. They tried to get my daughter to go on a date with this loser. I was never at war with these people--I just wanted to fly under the radar and be left alone. They were the ones in competition with me. I was a "nothing." None of them really knew me as a person.

A lot of Mormons have problems that we are not aware of, and they like to play out their psychoses and neuroses on the Mormon stage. Maybe they're just bored, and like drama. The power-struggles make things more interesting for them.

Read "The People of the Lie", by Peck.

Thank you so much, everyone, for your insights.

I really had no idea. I think there should be warnings before you accept being baptized, the Missionaries and everyone seem so shiny and nice, yet all this is underneath.

I can't stand up to anyone in person, really, so talking to the Bishop is out, I don't have kids and my parents and grands are all dead, so I don't think they can find me, no other family members are in the cult.

I'm going to try giving the two weeks notice in a written letter put under the Bishop's door just saying I've moved out of state, and see if afterwards I do have to officially resign.

I didn't make close friends here in a year of going, I did hope and seek for a 'community' but the people just are too different than me, there isn't one that I would feel comfortable asking for help or to come visit me if I were sick or in the hospital, but I don't want to hurt them particularly.

I really appreciate everyone's help and interest and I am SO glad I found this support for leaving permanently whether it is slipping away or formally resigning.

Thank you everyone, so much!!!

They don't limit searches to relatives. They have trained searchers who use the telephone Co. and post office, voting records, former neighbors, employers, co-workers, and other resources to track down anyone who has been involved with their organization.

Don't feel bad if you want to avoid controversy. You are exactly the kind of person they like to target. Many of us hate to disappoint others and we don't like being dragged in to controversy. But sometimes it's necessary to tell someone NO. Dealing with mormons is one of these times.

Hi Cheryl,
Wow thank you for the info. You are exactly right about the kind of person, also, that's me, eager to please, dodging any confrontation.

If they push me I will just have to stand up for myself and consider learning to say no all a package of the other things I have learned in this year of being in LDS....bad things, disappointing things, confusing things.

Thank you for responding. I really appreciate knowing what to expect and preparing for what I have to do (grow a spine and stand up for myself!)

I don’t think they ever tried looking for me.After I got married, my husband got stationed overseas.There was no church nearby, so I never attended. When we came back to the US, I never attended, so I guess they lost me.

"I'm going to try giving the two weeks notice in a written letter put under the Bishop's door just saying I've moved out of state, and see if afterwards I do have to officially resign."

These are two different matters.

Mormonism - and by association, and indoctrination, Mormons - don't know/ can't tell (don't want to hear?) the truth.

It may be best to be pro-active [unlike LDS's prudent saintliness or "inactivity"] and quit/ resign/ escape (cleanly?) [easier?].
Then you can tell them the truth: "I've moved on", "I've found THE TRUE CHURCH", "I don't need the church anymore and it doesn't need me"... or whatever fits.
Resignation is generally the cleanest, and fastest, most fresh way to get away from the [LDS] (monkey on your back) bother (and waste of time, and energy) that is mormonism.

You leave and they can't leave you alone. You leave with a fist, finger, or other simple LEAVE ME ALONE, or a legal/ official "resignation" or excommunication, but a FIRM "I Quit", or just walked away, prefer to sin, or just got bored with it for a while might not be clear enough, or "legal" enough, unfortunately.

*Cult*: "Easy to get IN and diffiCULT to get OUT"

That is my definition. Thank you, thank-you everybody, thank you, that's enough now... settle down - or settle up!
Read all about it tomorrow but GET OUT NOW - the sooner the better!

It's a burning building.
Last one out is a fool!
Not that many others aren't.

Give [notarized?] note (notice).
Disappear. Quit mormonism. Speak Up

Love ya'

M@t



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/27/2018 11:30PM by moremany.