Psychology is my chosen course of study at school because I’m fascinated by the human mind and I like being able to deconstruct people and analyze their habits and beliefs. My studies in this field are what made me leave the Church. In my opinion, there is no spirit, just chemical reactions in our minds. And I’ve never felt that warm feeling people describe during Testimony Meeting.

Throughout my program, we’ve taken a lot of tests to see where we fall on a few sidfeeent scales like the Myers-Briggs personality test and such.

I recently took a self reporting test and scored really high in secondary psychopathy (and I was borderline on primary), so my score basically said I was a point away from psychopathy.

In reflecting on my own behavior and upbringing, I know that I’ve always had an impossible time with human connection. Counselors in my schools even flagged me at school for it and talked to my mom. In fact, I had a Spanish teacher in high school who actually referred me to the psychologist because she was worried.

I’m aware of my different behavior. (I don’t have any interest in relationships or sex. I’m emotionally closed off. I’m mostly logic and no emotion), but I never thought there was something THAT off. I just thought I was an emotionally vapid INTJ personality type who didn’t understand relationships.

Maybe I’m overthinking it, but if I want to be a psychologist (eventually), I’m just not sure anymore...these problems might hinder my efforts to analyze people with mental illness if they’re looking for someone to empathize with them.

I dislike talking to therapists about my personal problems, but I’d be willing to try if it means saving my college/career goals.

You need treatment so get it.

It'll be good.

"these problems might hinder my efforts to analyze people with mental illness if they’re looking for someone to empathize with them."

I have to disagree on this point. By not being especially empathetic or emotional you would have many advantages in dealing with troubled people. Take for instance sex-offenders in prison. It's very hard to keep a good social worker in this field over a long period of time. The anti social behavior and perversion drives most people away. But if you can distance your emotions somehow and look at this objectively that's a great asset.

Also the field of out of control teenagers guilty of major crimes is another one that requires a special person. What this world needs is more Father Flanagans.

You make a really good point here. Maybe I should consider this. I’m not bothered by most things. I actually think it would be interesting to see what makes criminals tick in a face-to-face setting like that.

A professional can shed a lot of light on this for you. What the test results mean in YOUR case. Probably a big, fat nothing to worry about. Don't work yourself up imagining the worst or even the kind-of-bad. You are not qualified to draw proper conclusions from the test. Especially if the results have sent you into a mental tailspin. Your imagination is not your friend right now. Discuss with, for example, a school counselor.

“You are not qualified to draw proper conclusions from the test.“

Very true. I guess it’s like when people get worked up on Symptom Checker or WebMD. I wonder how accurate these tests are anyway.

"I dislike talking to therapists about my personal problems, but I’d be willing to try if it means saving my college/career goals."

Okay, so this is like saying I dislike going to the dentist but I'm willing to do it if it means saving my tooth.

You will do yourself no good running and running on the hamster wheel of your own mind regarding this or any other matter that's important to you. Get outside your head and engage with a qualified person.

My _guess_, I do not claim omniscience, is that you have processed a lot of things this way, trying to keep the matter internal to yourself, trying to figure it all out on your own. Trust me, the more you are attached to that model the less it's going to serve you, and I mean on many issues that are going to arise in your life (as in any other) as the years go by.

Your choice.

Thanks for your advice. I do spend too much time in my mind. Sometimes I wonder if my chosen major is making it worse.

You might consider taking up as an activity a few times a week something that is - I'm going say purely experiential, for example volunteering to walk dogs at an animal shelter. It could be very grounding and kind of softening for you. You would be offering something of value; OMG the dogs would so love it. An easy way to dip your toe in the water would be to go to a shelter, look at the dogs and ask if you could take dog X or dog Y out for a walk. Feel your way with the shelter employees.

Doing something physical like that would be a good break from intellectual activity, to say nothing of rumination. It also has you engaged in normal, no-pressure friendly human interaction, which is good for you, in fact a breath of fresh air. In the case of the dog walking, you would have conversations with staff as well as the lucky dogs who get some of your time. If you deliver meals-on-wheels you'll have contact with other volunteers and as well as the elderly clients. Pick whatever feels good.

If there is a mindfulness/meditation group or class available to you, you might check it out. It's wonderful stuff if you can hack it.

My opinion, you are just fine and will continue to be fine. You sound quite bright and also conscientious, a good person. Now go treat yourself to some fine, dumb fun!

Have you ever killed/tortured animals on purpose or tried to set fires?

When I was a kid (mostly preschool-junior high), I had very poor control of my actions and empathy was nonexistent. I hurt classmates and pets, regularly stole from people, made threats, cheated, and caused nonstop discord (even at church-related functions) and I truly enjoyed doing it. I got a kick out of causing problems. Had a lot of disturbing ideas in addition to that, but didn’t act on them.

I never tortured or killed anything (unless insects count). Thought about burning my house after my mom made me mad as a kid, but I never did it.

I got a hold of my behavior by high school. From then on, I just avoided relationships with people and animals altogether and chose to focus on studying/working.

I’m not sure what caused all of that.

Listen to this second story. You may find it helpful. Be sure to listen to the interview after the story.

http://www.podcasts.com/the_moth_podcast/episode/the-moth-radio-hour-blue-men-psychopaths-and-a-bad-date

Thank you for this. I’ll take a look at that. Podcasts are great, especially ones dealing with psychology and true crime.

Try journaling if you like writing more than talking. Or if you can’t afford a therapist.

Self-reporting tests are bogus. Depending on your moods, your perception of your self might be skewed. You know that Mormons are raised to be extroverts, purely so they will go out and recruit for the cult. "Every member a missionary." An extrovert is the way to be. Actually, Mormons, as a group, are clueless to what "normal" is. I think studying psychology will be of great benefit to you. It's useful for other careers, such as business, law, sales, teaching, parenting, etc.

Go ahead and get therapy! Most universities and colleges provide free therapy for students. Anyway, you will always need to get on-going therapy, if you choose psychology as a career. It's just necessary, that's all. Just like a professional athlete needs to keep going to the gym.

I picture you more in the research side of psychology. You know, putting electrodes into lab animals, testing people, gathering data, etc.

Good luck! It seems that you are already down that road of self-awareness, which is the first step towards understanding others.

I agree with Mother Who Knows. Get therapy. March yourself over to your student health center. They will help you. I wouldn't worry about the self-reporting tests so much as the fact that counselors and a teacher at your high school repeatedly flagged you as needing extra help. Tell the counselors at the student health center about this.

How were you treated as a child? I find it is easier to be warmer towards people and to have empathy when you yourself are treated kindly. You might also try activities at and around your school that build friendships and empathy -- i.e. helping new students, tutoring, clubs, etc. Another thought is to volunteer at an animal shelter to feed the animals, walk the dogs, and play with the cats. Or volunteer at the local hospital, senior center, etc.

As you get into your psychology studies beyond the general level, you can talk to your professors about your concerns. I think we often choose fields of endeavor to address needs within our selves -- gaps that we have that we want to fill. An interest in psychology might be addressing your desire to know yourself better and to improve your relationships with others.

Xenos Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Psychology is my chosen course of study at school
> because I’m fascinated by the human mind and I
> like being able to deconstruct people and analyze
> their habits and beliefs. My studies in this field
> are what made me leave the Church. In my opinion,
> there is no spirit, just chemical reactions in our
> minds. And I’ve never felt that warm feeling
> people describe during Testimony Meeting.
>
> Throughout my program, we’ve taken a lot of
> tests to see where we fall on a few sidfeeent
> scales like the Myers-Briggs personality test and
> such.
>
> I recently took a self reporting test and scored
> really high in secondary psychopathy (and I was
> borderline on primary), so my score basically said
> I was a point away from psychopathy.
>
> In reflecting on my own behavior and upbringing, I
> know that I’ve always had an impossible time
> with human connection. Counselors in my schools
> even flagged me at school for it and talked to my
> mom. In fact, I had a Spanish teacher in high
> school who actually referred me to the
> psychologist because she was worried.
>
> I’m aware of my different behavior. (I don’t
> have any interest in relationships or sex. I’m
> emotionally closed off. I’m mostly logic and no
> emotion), but I never thought there was something
> THAT off. I just thought I was an emotionally
> vapid INTJ personality type who didn’t
> understand relationships.
>
> Maybe I’m overthinking it, but if I want to be a
> psychologist (eventually), I’m just not sure
> anymore...these problems might hinder my efforts
> to analyze people with mental illness if they’re
> looking for someone to empathize with them.
>
> I dislike talking to therapists about my personal
> problems, but I’d be willing to try if it means
> saving my college/career goals.

Psychopaths are hard wire to be such. It's a physical condition of the brain. A brain scan and tell if a person is a psychopath.

A sociopathy is a learned condition. Anyone can become a sociopath and environments of high corruption that are cut throat tend to make such people. That's why we tend to have lots of sociopaths in places like Washington DC, state capitals, and centers of finance.

The fact you have concern about what you are shows you have some empathy and concern and want to improve yourself. A psychopath has zero empathy and feels nothing. They are almost impossible to treat. You might have some sociopathic tendencies. You might just have a thick skin and don't get as emotionally upset about things. This actually can be an asset. Especially working in jobs like the medical profession where you have to deal with a lot of awful situations. Not getting emotional allows you to keep your head and work the problem.

You probably are going through what a lot of medical students go through. They start studying diseases and medical conditions and worry they might be in the early stages of something.

Xenos,

I am very worried that you report your history of hurting pets.

Animal shelters are often desperate for volunteers but please do not do that if you cannot be kind to the animals. They have been through enough.

I agree with other posters here, get help that is available.

Xenos Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
"I like being able to deconstruct people and analyze
> their habits and beliefs."
>

That sounds pretty malevolent.


> "I’ve always had an impossible time
> with human connection."


Why bother with them, then?


" I just thought I was an emotionally
> vapid INTJ personality type who didn’t
> understand relationships."


Clearly, you don't know many INTJs.



>"... these problems might hinder my efforts"


YOUR efforts .... hmmmm



Psychopaths I've known (many) have gathered information about about people and weaponized it. I really think that's what you're up to.

Those are somewhat arbitrary conclusions to draw from a very cursory understanding of a poster on an internet message board you have ostensibly never met in real life.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/03/2018 07:19PM by midwestanon.

You should probably get into therapy. Most therapists have done their own work. It helps them understand the patient’s perspective and helps them too.

It will also teach you how pointless and destructive it is to judge yourself in terms of how other people are living their lives.

Over the years I've run across the Myers-Brigs test online and tested myself. According to the test, I've been several different 4-letter types. Having read that the test is unreliable and my own experience, I don't trust it. Instead, get proper testing at your place of education or get a referral from them for a test.