Posted by:
Alice, ten feet tall
(
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Date: December 05, 2018 05:34AM
Great suggestions.
My TBM relatives were actually abusive, and I have PTSD, so my coping mechanisms are probably too extreme. Also, I avoid confrontation, at any cost.
I had to keep my distance, be in control as much as possible, and take frequent "breaks", to keep from going insane.
When my abusive brother come to visit, I would call the airport, and tell them that I needed special services, because I was going to pick up someone who was mentally handicapped. Actually admitting that he was handicapped--a bi-polar psychopath, with explosive temper tantrums--helped me realize what a problem he was. It calmed me to think I had help at the airport. I was able to pile him into one of those carts, and have him transported to the luggage claim, like the Mormon Royalty he imagined himself to be, and he griped and complained the whole time.
Once he was in my house, he never wanted to go anywhere, so the only way I could get a much-needed break from him was to invent some work emergency, or a birthday party, or an errand. Once, I left for too long, and my brother broke my favorite chair. During another absence, I discovered that he had been rifling through my tax and financial files. Leaving wasn't the the best option.
One thing I did, when my brother was the most abusive, was to get my children out of the house, and never let my brother be alone with them. The kids were happy to cooperate. They usually had after-school jobs and sports, etc. If you have kids, you don't need to subject them to awful people.
You could keep your cell phone on you, and an earbud in your ear, playing soothing music. In my TBM family, sports are important, and you could have a game on the TV, or go into another room to watch TV. Watch the news, if that's your usual routine. When the newspaper arrives, sit down and read it. It's your house.
If there's snow, go outside and shovel by hand, very slowly. Fill the bird feeders, go to the store and buy peanuts for the squirrels. Take the dog for a walk, which is absolutely necessary. Put up more Christmas lights, like Clark Griswold did.
My extended family are party-givers, and they are a mixed bag of religions, half of them Mormons. I enjoy their parties! Instead of attempting civil, non-argumentative conversations, or letting the Mormon crazies run rampant in an unstructured environment, they split into groups and play cards, chess, checkers, monopoly, etc. After a set time, the whistle blows, and whoever is ahead, wins. Then they switch games. The whole group can stay together and play bingo, charades, and pictionary. My cousin has a party where everyone sing Christmas carols. She has the words printed out for us.
Never have a sit-down dinner. With buffet-style eating, people can get up and leave, if a conversation is going sour. Mixing and mingling keeps conversations brief and superficial, which is what you want.
If you are the "host", you can stay busy in the kitchen, cooking and cleaning up, or go and make up the beds for everyone.
At Mormon family reunions, I take charge of the kids, and lead them on nature hikes, play ball games, horseshoes, corn-hole, croquet, or whatever is available. I bring equipment in my car. People really appreciate having their kids entertained, so they can gossip about church, without interruptions. Children are charming, and they always make me laugh.
Be creative. You will find a way.
Oh, yeah, I like the idea of treating all this like an experiment or comedy. It will definitely help to report your findings here on RFM! We can't wait! Fun for us (but not for you.)