Date: December 29, 2018 01:46AM
Anonymous Today--thank you, I have taken the same position as you, regarding my one TBM (admitted atheist) daughter and her fanatic RM husband, and their baptism-aged children. The husband's family is huge in size, controlling, and a dominant force in all their children's and grandchildren's lives.
I have learned to live around it. Every family is different, and we can't tell Cathy or Kathleen what do to about their families. When they are your OWN family, we can be sensitive enough to walk that thin wire, without alienating anyone--or, maybe, I would have caved in--to keep our grandchildren close to us.
That said, I'm still standing firm. I did go to one baptism, which triggered a bad PTSD attack, which lasted for 4 days, and caused me to miss work. I was able to keep cool (I've been in therapy) during the baptism, except my daughter accused me of "frowning." Yikes! If she only knew the horrible flashbacks of childhood Mormon abuse, plus months of being beaten by my violent temple ex-husband!
We must not feel guilty that we will not--and can not--support an evil cult working its lies against our dearest ones!
Think of this--what about all the OTHER things going on in their lives? I'm very active in my grandchildren's schools. I've been a "room mother", and on the PTA board. I have played the piano for some of their little sing-alongs and performances. I attend all of the school programs, sports games, recitals, and drive them to practices and rehearsals, etc. We play duets together. Sometimes I help them with their homework. My 6-year-old grandson can beat me at chess. We read together, do arts and crafts, play with the cat, walk the dog.
I am an appreciative audience for their spontaneous songs and dances and plays they perform. One grandchild put on a magic show for me last night--delightful!! IMO, Mormons do not give their children enough attention, not enough encouragement, not enough LISTENING. Like one poster commented, little kids will interrupt each other in their eagerness to tell you about their day!
I've been a teacher, at various times in my life, and kids love to learn. Anything you can teach them helps them to think their way out of their cult prison. We watch nature TV shows together, we go to the zoo, read nature books, and, best of all, I have the grandchildren tell me what they know about the world around them. Children are much smarter than the Mormons think they are.
Children need to overcome their FEAR of Mormon authority, fear of that horrible Mormon God who will condemn us ex-Mo grandparents to a lesser heaven, separate from the Mormons. They must keep courage, in their innocent heart, that they will NOT burn in the Second Coming, and all those other Mormon threats,
Seeing Grandma and Grandpa living a life of love and integrity, and living in joy and love and courage--that is a powerful image for them!
It isn't all or nothing. It isn't either-or. The Mormons want you to think that's the way it is, but it is NOT.
Support the child's 8th birthday, but NOT the baptism. Go to the wedding receptions, but do NOT support the temple. Mormon rules do not apply to you, so go ahead and encourage creativity, individuality, achievement, leadership, questioning, intellectualism, laughter, humor, fun, open communication, honesty, self-esteem, and all those other qualities. Children are so much MORE than just "obedient, reverent, smiling faces. Those college-age years are so much MORE than just to be wasted on missions--there's sports, a college education, earning money for a car, dating, making new friends, finding out who they really are, chasing their dreams....
It's no big deal if you miss an occasional Primary program or a baptism.
There is so much MORE than Mormonism in their lives!