On the positive side - he is home, he is on dialysis, he feels better.

On the scary side - he is unemployed and medically fragile right now. He has no income. If he files for disability, there is no guarantee that he will get it, and it takes 6+ months to get a decision. So who supports him in the meantime?

Yeah. Like I said, it's scary.

His father (with whom I have not had any communication in decades) has already helped him with a money problem some time back, and told him, "It isn't going to happen again, so don't ask." How's that for a great guy?

The same guy who would never take care of his infant son, never changed a diaper, never took him to doctors or day care, and yet bullied and intimidated me into giving him custody when we divorced. The same guy who told me,"Don't even think about going to an attorney. I'll know, even if you only go once. I have eyes everywhere." I was in a pretty fragile place myself just then, and very much afraid of him.

My blood pressure has been through the roof for this past week, though getting more stable now that I'm paying more attention to it.

I sometimes wish I still had faith. I would like to believe that somebody who has Cosmic Clout is on my side.

Thank you all, for your care and your support.

Sorry this is happening. To see a child suffering with little recourse to change their course must be devastating for you.

Wow...where to begin. So sorry about all of this. Does the hospital have any kind of social workers for such a problem? I would think there would be some kind of program for people like your son.

Keep taking care of yourself. You can't be any use to others if you go down..

I feel so much for what you are going through now, catnip.

I hope you and your son can find the "right" resources (if they exist in your area), and that a viable way "out" at least begins to appear somewhere.

You have much empathy from me. There were times in my life when I had to deal with other kinds of situations, dissimilar in the facts, but not too different in the way they feel inside.

Sending you and your son much strength to find the best way(s) forward, regardless of how scary and dismal things feel right now.

I'm glad that your son is getting good medical care, Catnip. He should definitely apply for disability, and Medicaid as well. Google "[name of your community] food bank" and take advantage of their resources. Plenty of people do! You don't have to pass any sort of a test or interview. The most you *may* have to do is give your name and the number of people in your household. That's it! And give Catholic Charities a call as well and see if they can do anything to help your son.

I'll bet that there are message boards for people on dialysis, and that there will be plenty of good ideas and support there.

I'm so sorry to hear this. My son has brain cancer, and has lost his business and now on Medicaid. It's rough to see the suffering like that. I want to bring him out West, but then we'd have to start the whole Medicaid thing all over and get him new care. I hope you and he can manage this well. It's rough to navigate.

The best news in all this (IMO,) is that he is with you during this time. I can't think of a more loving supportive environment than right there. Despite all the uncertainties.

You are his support system. But yeah, you need to take care of yourself to be able to care for him ongoing.

((((Hugs!))))

If he is on dialysis he is eligible for Medicare, regardless of his age.

He is potentially eligible. His work history has been spotty. Your work pattern has to fall in a fairly precise pattern to be eligible for ESRD Medicare. I have been retired for too long to remember exactly how it goes, but I will certainly help him file. I tried to start an application online, on his behalf, but it was dicey. I have a Social Security form (signed by him) that allows me to act on his behalf, but applying online doesn't care about that. When he feels up to it, I'll bring him up to our house and get started on the disability application. (And the one for Medicare as well.)

I know in general how the process works, but it is a whole different thing to be on the wrong side of the desk. Scary.

You’re sure going through a lot. His dad is a piece of work. I can’t imagine how your son feels, having a “ father” like that.
Not wanting anything to do with him, then wanting custody, that was only an attempt to make you suffer.
I’ll be sending good vibes that everything will work and fall in place

My current DH figured out the real reason why the ex fought so hard for custody after never raising a finger to care for our son prior to divorce: Money was his only deity, and since he made three or four times as much as I did, I could have taken him to the cleaner's in child support - and he knew it. Any attorney worth his/her salt would have known it, too. I could have had my boy, AND a nice slice of the ex's earnings as well.

I don't know anything about how he lives now; son says dad is not well, not able to travel, etc. But when we were divorced, he always had to have the priciest tailored suits, dress shoes made for him from foot-molds done in Hong Kong, and all of his credit cards spent to the max. He had to have the best, newest, flashiest of everything. My earnings were a part of that lifestyle, which was why he resisted divorce even though it was very clear that there was nothing but contention between us.

Every time I said I wanted a divorce, he would say, "We can't afford it." It finally dawned on me that I could make it just fine on my own income. He could sink or swim on his.

Funny thing. The lush that he left me for could not keep a job due to her drinking. Evidently, they have survived well enough on just his income. The Lush told son once, "You father LOVES me. That's why he doesn't make me go out and work." Son's stories paint quite a different picture.

Apparently, the ex got tired of being embarrassed by police escorting his crazy-drunk wife home from yet another job, screaming obscenities about the job, the police, and everything else. He let her stay home. Son says they are like housemates who barely know each other. They have virtually separate lives, but live under the same roof. Whatever floats their boat. I don't have to deal with either of them any more.

I wouldn't want my boy in that zoo, either.