I told my Bishop I wanted a release and said that I would be through with young men’s in two weeks. I literally gave him a two week notice, but now he wants to meet with me at the Church. And then a member of the bishopric called me and asked how he could help me improve my calling.

I just want out, dang it. I’ve been in there for three years and I can’t do it anymore between my faith crisis and my mental health issues. I’m not an effective counselor. The boys deserve better.

But man, are they making this difficult.

Ummm. Take a cue from Nancy Reagan; "Just Say No".

I'd say exactly what you just said, "I've been in the calling for three years and I'm really feeling that it's time to let it go."

You're not asking to be released. You're telling them. They think they have some sort of power over you that they don't actually have.

Pretty simple really. You're in control, they aren't. I'm sure they will say their little diatribe to try to persuade you to stay. When they finish up, just stand your ground and tell them you're done. You'll be expecting the release immediately.

When they try to set up a meeting, tell them their time would be better spent finding a replacement for you, because you're not going to do it any longer.

This is good, olderelder.

Refuse to set up the meetings and do not show up in 2 weeks.
You told them that's enough,
You were a volunteer, you are not an indentured servant.

Mormonism will use you up and wear you out for as long as you allow them to do it.

Hey Jerome:

There is no need to tell any leader in the ward/stake that you want to be released.

You simply send an email (like I once did) saying: "Effective immediately I resign my church calling as ....." And that's that!

My SP once told me that you have to learn to say NO.

It's tough to do if you have never resigned a calling or just said NO, especially if you are a people pleaser like me. But, I have learned by experience and now I have no guilty feelings of any sort to tell anyone NO.

Moreover, if you've had a 'faith crisis' (whatever that definition might be), it's not necessary to tell authoritative leaders in your ward/stake that such is the case. They'll do everything in the discussions/meetings with you to try and "FIX" you.

I promise that once you've said NO a few times, or have simply sent an email to resign a calling (like I did on my last calling) you become victorious and take back power over your self and mind. It feels great!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/19/2019 11:25PM by jiminycricket.

When I was going inactive, I was a R.S. teacher. I told them several times I was done and they kept making excuses. I finally said, "I'm teaching the lesson on such and such a day and then I won't be teaching any more." And I never went back.

Jerome:

If you're waiting for verification that they've 'released you', that might never arrive.

In Real Life, they control the names attached in their notes about who's doing what 'callings' (which are actually volunteer positions /'jobs'), you don't.

What YOU do control is Your Activities in Your Life, including attending any activity, any meeting.



Whether or not they have someone 'Better' to do the job than you is actually of little concern to them, they want to keep your butt in the pew, your money in their accounts.

As long as you go along with them, they'll string you along, Period.

best to you, GNPE

"I can’t do it anymore between my faith crisis and my mental health issues. I’m not an effective counselor. The boys deserve better."

You answered your own question

they don't care about you or your needs. Your resigning makes things difficult for them, especially if your "calling" is a type of position that is difficult to fill.

If they can guilt you into not quitting, it will make their life easier.

It's not about you. It's about them and their needs.

Just remember that when you send them your next message something along the lines of:

"Due to personal reasons that I feel no need to discuss further, my last day as [name of calling] was/will be [date]. Accordingly, you will need to make appropriate alternative arrangements after that date. It was a pleasure [a living hell] serving in that capacity. If there is any other way I can be of service, please hesitate to call me.

"All the best...."

Notice is of little use, to you or to them. You don't need it and they don't know better.

Tell them you've left the 'church', on the side of the road, so you could travel down the middle.

Leave Soon
Meet with no one
Good luck

Of course he is. Why would he agree to release you? Your free labor makes his life easier. Releasing you just puts more on his own plate.

The longer this goes on, the weaker you will appear to him, and the worse you will feel about yourself.

They're counting on you to be meek, submissive and compliant. If you can't stand up for yourself, it's not reasonable to expect anyone else to.

Stop waiting for the bishop to give you permission to leave your volunteer position. Tell him you're finished, and FOLLOW THROUGH. There is No Other Way. Then, after you have successfully released yourself, look in the mirror and admire your brand new spine.

You know how to kill a parasite? Stop giving it blood.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/20/2019 06:50AM by babyloncansuckit.

Human parasites who feast on you will wither and die, or move on, if you simply stop paying attention to them.

I know it sounds impolite, but a sincere, "Hey, mate, fuck off then!" can work wonders!!!

Uh, it’s your life. Just stop.

Yes, you can.

However long you have been conditioned in the Mormon church has left its talon marks deep into your skin and mind. Saying NO and I NEED OUT is not what you have had ingrained to do nor think is even alright to do.

My suggestion also is to write the letter, drop it off, and know that this letter plus your two week notice is more than fair and considerate on your part. My opinion and suggestion is that this is the moment to give time to yourself, not look back for at least a while, so as to be fair and considerate of yourself. You know you can always go back if, after taking time, this is what you choose to do.

You can do it, and I will give you my vote that this is a very worthwhile path you are starting. I believe that Mormonism is a cult....read about cults and decide for yourself. Cults serve those who are in power, plain and simple. I think you will find if you just take one evening learning cult characteristics you will begin to see the possibility that Mormonism is a poster child for possessing many cult characteristics. The only reason someone has to set rigid rules for its members to never look at the other side of the equation is they KNOW what lies there and they do not want you to see it. Do not play into their games and get caught in their unhealthy snare.

Best of luck, and do keep us posted.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/20/2019 12:12AM by presleynfactsrock.

When this happened to me I was still a beliver, but really did not want the calling. I was getting overwhelmed at school and work, and staying as a secretary filled my body with anxiety. I interviewed with bishop, then stake, and then prayed, called back the stake and said that Jesus told me he didn't want me to take the calling. Apparently that offended the stake guy, but my bishop was cool, and offered me a different calling as a gospel doctrine teacher, which I loved. No staying late, and I never spent more than 10-15 additional minutes prepping, since I really knew the scriptures super well. And I wouldn't bring the manual either.

It worked out perfectly, and at the time I was genuine, mostly. So consider praying about it, without any "this is the answer that I must get to be faithful" bias. If you believe in prayer still, now I don't.

How did that work out for the people in the class? You know, people other than yourself?

I'll bet they appreciated the fact that you did almost no preparation because you already knew the scriptures super well.

Just like all the executive types, you were dumping the hard work on someone else while you got all the attention. Thank God both of us are out of that horrible system.

Nah people loved class. I think they found it refreshing not hearing just solid manual reading. I would read scriptures in the section they probably hadn't heard for years. I did this specifically to keep the class from getting bland.

Jerome, you already gave notice. I would send a follow-up email to the bishop confirming the last date you will be working with the YM. There is no need for you to meet with the bishop. He is not your employer! You are a volunteer and you get to set the terms, not him. If anyone requests a meeting, just say, "No thank you. I'm good."

You already released yourself when you gave him 2 weeks notice. you don't get extra points if he decides to release you too. Stick to the time frame you already gave him, you don't want to go through that again, do you? You don't get paid, so ask yourself what is the worst that could happen. Seriously, think that through. Don't meet with anyone. No good can possibly come out of that, and it sounds like you have suffered enough already. No need to explain your reasons, because they won't really care any way. Keep it simple like Summer suggests. "No thank you. I'm good." Repeat as necessary, and if he keeps at it, kindly encourage him to get cracking to find your replacement, because the clock is ticking, and how silly will he look if he doesn't have this resolved by then.

the #1 TERROR to ChurchCo: members with A SPINE;

once people resign, they know not to harass them, it's illegal.

same with ex-coms, they're Water Under the Bridge.

'Families' get a slight touch more interest, but actual RESPECT varies greatly from place to place, time to time...

I asked to be released until I was orange in the face and kept showing up until the day I didn’t.

They called. “Where are you?”

I answered: “At the mall.”



It was sublime.

Don't ask them to release you. Tell them to release you.

With great respect to others posting on this forum, it may be more complicated than just saying no and walking away.

If you have a TBM spouse or kids and you still want to be involved in the church for other reasons then you may want to make a change in a careful way.

Sadly there may not a good resolution. The church wants to make it difficult to be an active member and even more difficult not to be.

You will probably feel a lot of stress and a wide range of other negative emotions as you deal with a faith crisis. Many people endure this challenge for a long time before finding a new normal. The waiting is the hardest part.

All that being said, often church leaders will relent when you stand your ground. They will never completely give up. Your situation is unique, but trust yourself and what you feel is right.

For the record,when i wanted to be released from a calling,activity chair person because a lot of politics "haha"
long story.The local leaders say i cannot be released, not my call.

So,i slowly disappeared.Always finding reasons not to come.I don't think the situation is unique depends on the ward or the branch.

I was a convert,the difficult part is leaving the cute ysa girls in the branch behind.The old ladies RS "consoled" them that i was a "bad boy" etc and naturally they followed their counsel.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/20/2019 10:45AM by johnhope.

I wouldn't think that a family would give a person a hard time if they've worked diligently at a calling for 3 years and just felt burned out in it. You just tell them, "I'm tired. It's time for someone else to take the reigns."

Be honest with the boys. Tell them that they belong to a cult, that Joseph Smith was a fraud, and that you are considering resigning your membership. If you do this in the morning, you will probably be released the same day.

I was faced with this very thing many years ago as a scoutmaster. I had been in that job for years and simply wanted "out". I asked the bishop to release me and a month later I asked him again. He hem-hawed like they do and said that the lord wanted me to keep fulfilling my calling.

When I reached my threshold one evening after "scouts" I swung by the bishop's house. I rang the doorbell and his wife answered the door. I handed her my scouting book and asked her if she would give it to the bishop. She looked puzzled so I told that scouts has been canceled for the rest of the year.

That was that and I never heard another word from anyone. I simply released myself. It was easy once I made up my mind of what I wanted and took appropriate steps to achieve that.

I've resigned my calling. Stay warm and enjoy that ski trip you mentioned." (Hang up the phone, shut the door, or sign off.)

Repeat as needed.

Remember, you were a volunteer with a right to quit as you see fit.

THANK YOU, EVERYONE!

I’m overwhelmed by all of the helpful feedback. Thanks for taking the time to share your advice. I feel more confident now.

You're obviously smarter and more honest than this bishop guy. Stand tall, be brave, and seek your freedom.

He is not "your bishop". He is just a manager for the morg tasked with keeping things running smoothly and the money flowing.

Members of the Mormon church are just a cog in the wheel.
The top guys want your time, your free work and your money.

Producing a number of kids for them (future tithe payers) is also desirable, no matter what the personal cost to you.

Smart members catch on after a while and give Mormonism the spiritual finger. They leave.

A couple of thoughts.
1. Boundaries. They exist everywhere except they do not exist in your church. The Bishop believes he has authority over you. He only has the authority that you give him. Don't give it to him.
2. Momentum. Once you are up and rolling and going down the path the church wants you to go down, it is easier to go along as they say than it is to change directions. You will face many challenges and resistance in the reality you are in while you are changing to a new reality. You have to make an effort to change direction. Stopping is not enough. It requires going in another direction.
3. Peer Pressure. Your social network will do all they can to keep you with them. And I am guessing you feel guilty for saying no. This is peer pressure guilt. It is not real. You've probably given more than you ever received over the years or at least broken even. Call it good, equal pay for equal work and be done, no questions asked, good bye.

Calvin knew how to get released from a calling. I've used this approach a couple of times.

https://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2013/02/02?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=post&utm_campaign=calvinandhobbes

Just don't show up next week. If you want to be nice, email him and tell him that Sunday is the last time you will be there so he had better look for a replacement. If he doesn't, it is not your problem. Don't go to the meeting.

bona dea Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Just don't show up next week. If you want to be
> nice, email him and tell him that Sunday is the
> last time you will be there so he had better look
> for a replacement. If he doesn't, it is not your
> problem. Don't go to the meeting.

This ^^^^

And take it two steps further:

1) Tell him to have your replacement come next Sunday, so you can introduce him to the boys, "for a smooth transition."

2) Tell the boys next week that it's your last week: "I've really enjoyed working with you boys for the last three years" (assuming that's true), "and I'll still be here in the ward" (if that's true), "but it's time for someone else to take on this calling" (or however you want to word it).

In other words, put a positive spin on in, but make it very real to everyone that it's happening. And by putting the word out publicly, it'll look like it's an official decision, and it will be easier for you--and harder for them--to do damage control if that's necessary.

You've done the right thing: given them notice. But take the above steps to actually make it happen.



I did something similar years ago on a DoD project in Washington. I was working about three subcontractors deep. It paid well, but it was $h|++y work, and after several years I'd had my fill. There was a sister project, across the hall, that used essentially the same code base, and they were eager for me to work for them. But the project leader was determined to keep me working on the $h|++y project and repeatedly stymied the move.

Finally, it occurred to me that I was trying to negotiate with the wrong people. I called the lady who owned the firm I was working for and said, "I've enjoyed working for you, but I've had all I can take on Project X. Project Z wants me to work for them, and I'd like to. But if I can't switch, then I'll have to resign."

Naturally, she'd rather have me working on Project Z than not at all, so she pushed to make it happen. Then the mid-level schmuck tried one more thing: "Ok, let's just tie up a few loose ends, and then you can move over."

That sounded reasonable, at first... but at the next release kickoff meeting, I had wrapped up everything, but they actually tried to assign me more tasks to start on! That was a Monday morning, so after the meeting I grabbed my few personal things (as a long-time consultant, I had learned to travel light), walked across the hall to the office space that I knew was set aside for me, and broadcast an email to everyone on Project X:

"It's been a great couple of years working with everyone, but this is not the usual farewell email because I'll be right across the hall! I just want to let everyone know that as of this morning I start working on Project Z! So feel free to grab me for lunch outings or whatever." I also cc'ed the management of Project Z.

Everyone was happy except the schmuck who tried to keep me on the $h|++y project. And he couldn't do anything. The new management wanted me, assumed today was the day, and were happy about it. The company owner was happy, because she was still gonna be able to bill uncle same for my work. My coworkers were happy because I'd just be across the hall (and my closest friends and colleagues revelled in the fact that I'd managed to shaft the schmuck!


Anyway, the point is, just make it clear to everyone that it's happening, that it's what's "supposed to happen," and it'll happen. Certain parties might not like it, but if they make trouble, it makes them look bad.

He can't run around telling people that he didn't release you, and that you "defied" him, because then he looks impotent, and others might follow your example.

This is a really great way of handling these kinds of situations. Thanks for sharing!

Jerome,

You don't need his permission. You dont need to be "released". You were kind enough to give them notice so that they can replace you.

Dont show up. Take your power back

Just leave, no reason to even tell anybody at church. Its not like the boys will be harmed if a young mens leader disapears.

If the boys are left with no teacher and they cause a problem or inconvenience someone,it is not your problem and maybe the bishop will take you seriously time.I would let him know in advance that you won't be there though and and make it clear that you mean it. Email him if you don't want to discuss it. That is simply courteous and it also absolves you from blame if the kids get in trouble.You can simply say, "I told you clearly that I wouldn't be there. Why didn't you find someone to cover the class?" That puts the blame with him. .

Dude. They aren't paying you. They want you to pay them money so they can boss you around. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by telling them to take this job and shove it and walk out the door. Oh they will hate you but enjoy the hate and you always have friends in the exemormon community.

Again, the way ChurchCo thinks/acts like they OWN the members; how many times have we seen that before?

Ditto!

Ditto on Rubicon's point that you don't owe the bishop or other ward leaders anything.

That said, you could always let the boys know about all the problems with the church. I'm sure they'd release you right away!

I'm not sure what other factors you are facing. This transitional phase of the faith crisis seems to be the most difficult part of our journey. Don't worry too much about stepping on some toes or making mistakes during your transition. The only reactions you can control are your own. Others will choose to behave like rational adults, or they will not.

Others have said basically the same thing, and better than I will, but I feel the need to emphasize this - a person only has as much power as you allow them to have. You were a volunteer and have NO ties to the job once you decided you were done. It's over. Don't show up. Don't call. Don't go to any meeting. They will pester and slather on the guilt and manipulate you - do not allow that to happen. Liberate yourself and walk away for good. They only have power because members accord them that, but it is a false and empty power in every way. Enjoy being free!

It is all volunteer. Just don't do the calling anymore. Simple.

YOU - not they - make the call.
You call the shots. Shoot! Score

Nice thing to remember:
'No.' is a complete sentence.

I thought for sure I answered this already. Maybe it wasn't

acceptable for some reason. What I said was "grow a pair" and

don't show up after the two week deadline that you set.

The last time I checked, slavery was outlawed and no one owns

you , Correct?

IDK if Jerome has posted here b4 or not, but he needs to either take our advice or stay with ChurchCo & whatever crumbs come his way; most anyone of our responses will make it happen for him.

I was deathly sick, and had to quit my callings as ward and stake organist.

The leaders had the audacity to give me a hard time? I also had to take a leave of absence from my job, and those people were very nice, and assured me that they would keep my office vacant for my return. They wished me well. They called to check and see how I was doing. (Of course, they didn't pay me....)

I also told the Mormons that I wouldn't be paying tithing, during the period of time I was not earning an income. The co-pays on my hospital and doctor expenses were unknown, and I was very afraid. No sympathy from the Mormons, whatsoever! They threatened that I would fail financially if I didn't pay tithing. They threatened that if I quit my calling, that I would get SICKER! I'm not kidding. They went so far as to threaten that my children would fail in life, if I didn't attend church regularly. I had to be in bed, after painful hospital treatments. The bishop said that if I could drive myself to and from the hospital, that I could go play the organ on Sundays. I said that I needed every ounce of strength to get my children off to school, keep them fed and happy, and try to recover.

They asked me to find a replacement organist, but I could not. They told me I had to play, until they could find a replacement, and I told them that my health came first. They had the nerve to ask me to TEACH ORGAN LESSONS to members.

I told the Mormons that my calling was a VOLUNTEER service. Most church organists are PAID. Organ teachers are PAID for their lessons. I finally had to TELL the Mormon leaders that they had no authority over me, and that I was going to do whatever it took to get healthy. I actually felt like I was fighting for my life! These creeps did not care about me at all! No one offered to bring me dinner. No one called or visited, to see how my children and I were doing. Hell--no one thanked me for all those years of playing the organ for them!

When I went into remission, I taught Primary for a few months, but didn't like they way the cult threatened children, and used fear to manipulate them, and how they forced kids to chant, and memorize fake scriptures. Most of all, I didn't like the way the leaders physically abused my children! When I found out about that, I resigned, and took my children out with me.

I was furious for about eight years. Well, maybe I'm still furious.

Oh yeah, your bishop and others will "make it difficult" for you to be released. It's a made up religion. They have no power over you. They have no inside link to God. Their "authority" is fake. These Mormons who throw their weight around, and bully others, are NOTHING, outside of their own little cult. Let them eat away at each other, but leave YOU alone.

Your mental health issues will improve so very much, that you will be amazed, when you finally resign from the Mormon pressure and abuse.

Don't let them talk you into anything else, like cleaning the building. You need a break. Say "No" and keep those boundaries strong.

BTW--Say "NO" with no explanation. I learned that trying to explain or excuse yourself does more harm than good. Mormons are experts at using your weaknesses against you! Please, do not mention your faith crisis or any mental illness. That's private. Good luck in your recovery! RFM helped me a lot, and it could help you, too.

Take a note from this current thread:

https://www.exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,2200717


Tell them, "I'm not your bitch, bitch!"

I got a feeling that this Gordon B. Stinky cannot be trusted. He's probably the kind of guy who would get on TV and totally undermine the Church's #1 selling point. For example, what if Mr. Stinky were to try to convince people that the idea of us becoming gods was just a couplet that we really don't understand or know much about? It would cause people to think. So please don't trust this Gordon B. Stinky poster so easily. His name sounds like a couplet-lying snake ;) Thank heavens that this "we can become gods" doctrine is so obviously true (and vigorously defended & proclaimed by the Brethren) as why else would we work so super hard to build up this wondrous Kingdom.

Get the manuals and whatever else you have and set them by the door of the classroom. Put a sign on the door "class in Bishops Office".

Then leave.

^^^^ My vote is for this exit. A suggestion is to add on the note something to the effect indicating that you had made attempts to solve this differently but met with no response from the bishop.

Teach the boys this next Sunday about Joseph and Fanny's "dirty nasty affair" and you will be released. You won't even have to ask.

“I quit”? Even a bishop can - and the Bishop I served with did that in the middle of the week when the SP gave him shit one to many times. This was a couple of month after I ‘quit’.