Posted by:
Yeah, me
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Date: March 09, 2019 02:18AM
Yeah, this happened to me. I apologize for the long story that follows. Maybe you'll find it titillating, though, and read it til the end.
I wanted to go on a mission, but wanted more to marry my girlfriend.But she would not consider marrying a guy who hadn't gone on a mission. We were supposedly soul mates. But you know how that goes. There really is no such thing. Anyway, I was her first boyfriend, and I was really in love. We were an item for three semesters at BYU. We came dangerously close to having sex a few times, and I was the one who always threw the cold water on any attempt. At first, she was just sexually curious, asking me questions I could not answer. ("Is it true that women crimp their toes when having sex?" What the hell did I know?) Over time she became sexually aggressive, grabbing my hand and pushing it into her underwear, or up under her bra. She would also push her hand into my underwear and fondle me.
In my second year at BYU, in spite of talking marriage, she would still stand me up occasionally to go out with some other guy. At any rate, when I did leave on my mission, she wrote me practically daily with words of undying love. Nine months into my mission, she went out with a guy on a blind date, and afterward went up to his room, took off her clothes, and had sex with him, a stranger, just like that. She continued to have sex with him at every opportunity, all the while writing me and telling me things like what she wanted to name our kids, what kind of household we were going to have. But when she went home for Christmas, she had some kind of vaginal thing going on and had to go to her LDS doctor. He discovered that she had an STD, and being an unethical Mormon doctor, he told her mother. My girlfriend was so horrified that her parents knew, that when her fuck buddy came to her house at Christmas to visit her and meet her family, she wouldn't let him in and broke up with him on the porch. Her parents talked about not allowing her to go back and finish her semester, but they finally caved on that.
In January, she wrote me a very hard to read letter. Using a bunch of typical Mormon euphemisms (she didn't use the word "sex") she owned up to having had some kind of sexual encounters with a guy, and asked me to forgive her. It was difficult. Who did I have to counsel me except the other missionaries? They agreed that it was a good reason to break up with her, but said that if I really did love her, I'd forgive her. So I did. Then just about 6 or 7 weeks later, she met a guy who asked right away to marry her. Never one to stand up for herself, she agreed. Then after her bridal showers, one at BYU and one in her home town, her fiance called her up four days before the wedding and called it off.
Right at the end of my mission, she wrote to me and explained mostly all of what happened, and told me she still loved me. I hated her, and had no intention of seeing her when I went back, but when I was hanging out with a friend, he took me to her house without telling me she lived there because he wanted me to get back together with her. Although I was foursquare against the idea, and swore I hated her, we got to talking, and talked more and more, and began seeing each other again and again, and eventually began dating and being very serious. We got married and have been married for 47 years. Sometimes I hate myself for it, and see myself as not manly enough to tell her to go to hell. On the other hand, I would not have been able to just let her go. I often feel like an idiot to this day, but it has been a successful marriage. But to this day, she is still unable to stand up for herself, and continues to do whatever anyone tells her to do. I know she would never intentionally cheat on me, and I know that she never has. But on the other hand, I believe that if another dominant, controlling person came along and demanded sex, she would likely do it just to avoid confrontation. That's how she is.
She, like many other women, always confused abusiveness with manliness, and was always ready to fall into an abusive relationship. I find this weird, but so many women do this. Perhaps some gentle reader here could explain why that is. I try not to be angry with her and bring up old history, but since she is also die-hard Mormon, she does what so many Mormons do and condemns other women for doing what she herself did. Here's an example. I had asked her once how she avoid getting pregnant. She responded that Russ, her boyfriend, "took care of that, and it grossed me out". In other words, she had no plan of her own to prevent pregnancy, but since her boyfriend had already been embarrassed by being sent home from his mission because he left his girlfriend pregnant, he now knew enough to pull out and cum on her belly, which surprised her and grossed her out. But I guess she got used to it. It wasn't safe sex, but we'll call it cautious sex. Point is, she had nothing to do with the fact that she didn't get pregnant. So you can imagine my anger when she was talking about her cousin who was sent home from BYU because she was pregnant, and said "I just don't know how a girl could be raised in the church, then go off to BYU and get pregnant". I was so offended that i wouldn't talk to her for at least a week. So it's times like that that I will get angry and bring up the past, and remind her that she did the same thing. In fact, I lie in wait because she continues to do it.
It was difficult then and is difficult still. I sometimes obsessed over her boyfriend, because he was always somehow physically close, never living far away. But two years ago, after four failed marriages, and died alone in his rented apartment. He had no money, and his son had to do a Go Fund Me to raise $8,000 to pay for his burial. I only hope that she sees me as more of a success after 43 years in a good job with a safe and good retirement, and plenty of money to at least get myself buried.