I have been coming here for about 5 years now and I used to get terrific solace from the folks here. When I first started here I had barely come out to my family about how I felt about the church and the answers and comfort I received were real life savers at times.

I have been out of the church for almost 7 years now and out to my family and friends for about 5. I have sent in my letter of resignation and I feel free. I don't think of myself as a mormon any longer, and I don't even think of myself as an exmormon. I am just me.

So the last few months I have been coming here and I don't get the same feeling that I used to. I don't know if the posters are of a different vein or if I have simply outgrown the board. I don't feel the same caring for others I used to, there is a lot more malice when someone says something that someone else doesn't like. I see cheap shots at some when they post a thought. I see arguments and discord and it just doesn't feel like the same caring bunch of folks that were here back when I used to almost live here.

I also don't see much of Steve Benson here any longer, and I used to totally enjoy his posts. SL Cabby doesn't post much either and I really enjoyed his posts.

All in all something has changed and I don't know if it is me or if it is the general attitude of the board. I will say this though. I would not feel comfortable posting some of the close to my heart stuff I did 2 or 3 years ago now because I would not want to be attacked for my feelings. Too bad, because this place used to be a real nice place to come.

certainly not people or churches. And of course daily conversations on a website change more than almost anything we can name.

I've been here for a long time and realize that if I don't like the interaction one day I can come back some other time. Also, just because it isn't to my liking does not mean it isn't helping many others.

I feel like the board has changed too. But in the opposite way that you see anon. It seems like RFM is much more mellow and kind these days than it has been in the past.

I haven't seen a good christians vs atheist fight in a long time. I don't have time to read every single post so maybe I'm missing something.

But I miss some of the parodies and Benson/Cabbie too.

I am with you Charley,....it seems more mellow....not much banter. I guess I have missed the posts that the OP is referring to. I like not having put downs as part of a response....at least i rarely see it. Instead of put downs how about "Gee I just don't agree with that at all" and let it be.

Yeh, I see less nastiness too.

It's called 'forum board malaise'. Actually, I don't know if there's a name for it, but a few years ago, I read an article about message boards and forums on the internet, that spoke of how people always become jaded with what once was a favorite site.

Sure, people make friends and connections with others of similar mind and tastes, but eventually, they get to a stage where things like "remember how this board used to be?" or an argument might break out, and the forum becomes split in two, with one faction maybe even starting their own webpage (Ive seen this happen).

Then you get the posters who announce to the forum that they are leaving for good, only to return a few weeks later. New members join and get treated like the new kid at school from all the longstanding participants, and eventually you get those who post enormous amounts of information about their personal lives, pets (cats are a favorite) and post pointless drivel to boost up their ego; a psychological assurance to take away how unimportant they are in the real world.

Boards are always in a state of change. Bottom line is that this forum, aside from the obvious update, is the same as it was all those years ago - its just the people have changed, and thats due to life experience, we all change as time moves on.

Just keep your usual login and say, "A.K.A. Bishop Rood" or "On behalf of Ultra TBM Mega Lord"...

...and go for it!

EDIT: This was meant to appear AFTER Primus' post below.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/27/2010 11:12PM by WiserWomanNow.

Well with the update in the format, it does seem different to me a bit. I have a harder time when I come up with Bishop Rood or Ultra TBM Mega Lord ideas because I would have to carry 3 accounts and log in and out to do my multiple personality thing, So I haven't been doing parodies and stuff as much. It's just such a hassle.

I feel like I should add my input here. No matter how much it seems like the other posters are lacking in sympathy or empathy, it will beat the hell out of talking to a mormon any day, and all of this is done online too. Yes, I have felt before like I had some cheap shots taken on me, but I also have posted some unwarrented things. Leaving the church is hard and I have felt emotions in ways that I never thought possible. Some days on here, I have also felt great support too, so it just depends. Most of what I've written is just for myself to vent, if nothing else. I have found out a lot about myself from posting here, and I an now able to see things more clearly. I have to say though that I never thought of the church as a cult till I read things from people here. The church definitely qualifies. In my journey, I have also learned how to think critically and I have a good understanding of the different types of fallicies. Most of that came from deconstructing hollands talk on the book of mormon. All in all, you guys are great. Just remember that real people are on here and they have real issues. So please foster an atmosphere where people can be heard and where they can express themselves openly. Chances are that this is the one and only place where that can do that.
Thanks

Funny that you mentioned Benson and Cabbie. I find a lot of their posts are informative and can see why people apreciate them.

But I've got to tell you that I've only been personally attacked by two people on the board in my couple of years here. One was by Benson, and the other by Cabbie. My crime was disagreeing with them. They didn't attack my argument or point of view, they took cheap shots at me personally.

They do post good stuff, so I don't let it get to me to the point where I don't let myself enjoy their useful posts, but they don't signify the best examples of the good feeling that may be missing around here.

Perhaps that's just proof of what you are noticing.

Anon for this Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Funny that you mentioned Benson and Cabbie. I find
> a lot of their posts are informative and can see
> why people apreciate them.
>
> But I've got to tell you that I've only been
> personally attacked by two people on the board in
> my couple of years here. One was by Benson, and
> the other by Cabbie. My crime was disagreeing
> with them. They didn't attack my argument or point
> of view, they took cheap shots at me personally.
>
> They do post good stuff, so I don't let it get to
> me to the point where I don't let myself enjoy
> their useful posts, but they don't signify the
> best examples of the good feeling that may be
> missing around here.
>
> Perhaps that's just proof of what you are
> noticing.

I'll agree to that too. Neither of them is noted for being nice to people who disagree with them.

You mean like suggesting you might be constructing some strawman stuff, being a bit dishonest (or delusional with fiction you're representing as fact), or calling your courage into question, just as I'm doing now wondering why you need to be anonymous with this cheap shot?

Mea culpa...

Of course I triple check my facts (and solicit peer review), unlike another poster who's also whining (and probably will again, saying I'm not permitted to "post on her threads"). The easy solution might be to do the same, but that might mean abandoing a few paradigms and giving up playing that victim card repeatedly at every opportunity.

BTW, that same poster I referred to was "outed" by ADMIN for using more than one moniker to launch attacks, something I've never done (nor have I ever used "anon" to launch a complaint). Moreover, on the old board there was a persistent refusal to post as "registered," a situation that permitted the trolls to have a field day.

Just another example of "enabling the drama" crowd and providing a distraction from legitimate and credible exploration.

I'll agree to that about Benson, at least. If you have a differing opinion, he is savage and makes it really dirty and personal, and just won't stop. It's like he enjoys it. He ran me off the old board after just one incident (my tolerance was low to begin with because I was so tired of post after post of him baiting others and then boastfully ripping them apart). It was 6 months or so before I returned, and even then I didn't stay for long because his constant arrogance and bullying of others was too exhausting to read. Also, it was like he was in EVERY thread and had a mission to overtake each and every thread, regardless of the topic. I do not miss that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/28/2010 02:58PM by wittyname.

Seems to me recovery should mean taking some responsibility for one's own actions...

Steve and I have had some tense words in private e-mails, but that's to be expected among grown-ups with strong opinions...

So what, exactly, am I not taking responsibility for?

Anyone remember Brian B and Theo?

Now THAT was the wild west version of RFM. Two guys who wouldn't hold back and would reply with guns blazing (F-bombs were Theo's specialty and WOW, he could make me laugh). I didn't always agree with them, but I did appreciate their input, even if they practically started World War III on a daily basis.

I feel like the board has changed as well since the update to the new board.

The new BBS software has certainly changed the feel of the board. You don't see as many threads displayed on each page of the "Message List" screen and you now see ALL replies to the message on one screen instead of having to click on each reply to read it.

I also think who is posting on the board has changed as well. I haven't noticed Steve Benson or Puck posting as often. Maybe they are and I just haven't noticed it.

I don't necessarily think any of the changes are bad. It just makes it a different experience.

The only constant in this universe is change, although, the rate of change can vary. So I guess that means that there are no constants in this universe since change can change as well.

(Did anyone find this last paragraph confusing? I know I did and I wrote it. I guess that means I need to go to bed.)

You don't have to see it all in one chunk. If you register you can go to Control Center up top and pick.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/28/2010 06:35AM by Susan I/S.

I was afraid to post after I got bashed a few times, ignored or got a sarcastic reply while posting sometimes back (not with this moniker) and just left and lurked once in awhile, mainly to read the archives which I found helpful to me and some friends who asked me about he morg. But than I thought I should get over this 'always having to perform and please everyone and feeling guilty or inadequate.' That's a leftover from moism. I'm as good a person as the next one and can't please everyone and that a framed document on the wall doesn't define me or anyone else as a human being. As the introduction states, one needs to grow thick-skinned to be here or go elsewhere.

I find the threads and posts are more thoughtful and thought provoking, raw sometimes with emotion. I think it got better,
but that's just my opinion. It's all so subjective anyway. What works for one person may not work for another.

maybe we've "lost the spirit" You think it's different now. You should have been here in the early days. It was the Wild West, wicked fun. Then Susan I/S discovered her delete button....and her numchucks....and her machete....and her whip....and her ninja stars.....and her stun gun.....and her cattle prod....and those leather gloves with the spikes on the knuckles. Poor SD's life would never be the same.

Whatever!

Find another board out there, where there are strings flowing about the jewish faith, Avatar, Mormons vs Islam, Prop 8, least favorite Hymns, and TBMs on porn, at the same time!

This board rules!

Jon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> Find another board out there, where there are
> strings flowing about the jewish faith, Avatar,
> Mormons vs Islam, Prop 8, least favorite Hymns,
> and TBMs on porn, at the same time!

Fer real??

;o)

Actually, I can think of a few.

But I agree with your last sentence totally.

Great new cyberterm!
Actually I have "lurked" here for years, and think that we are still alive and well.
I've seen other boards, with other subjects, succumb to the malaise, but not this one.

I have enjoyed this board for years but I don't post much. I don't know why I liked the old board better. I agree, this new board has a different *feel* about it but I don't know why. I feel weird!

Mnemonic said "The new BBS software has certainly changed the feel of the board. You don't see as many threads displayed on each page of the "Message List" screen and you now see ALL replies to the message on one screen instead of having to click on each reply to read it."

Yeah, somehow the new format seems to coincide with a different feel to the board. I can't exactly quantify it, but it just seems different.

I wonder if the new format was worth it. Why is this one better? Anyone else prefer the old format?

I am another who thinks it has actually changed for the better: less snarky, more depth of response.

I'm reasonably new to the board and I can identify with the latter part of your post. If you look back on the archived topics you find a greater genuine interest in the condition of others. It seemed like people were "friends" rather than forum posters.

Its often unnerving to see people taking a harsh tone with other people on the board. I've not been the victim of it myself but i think some posters have that "forum anonymity" complex, where they can be almost abrasive with their responses. I think the medium of a forum removes the human connection people often feel when being friendly face to face.

As someone who is reasonably young (early 20s) I can understand why it seems like things may have changed. My generation is a digital generation, raised on Instant Messenger, text messaging, and email. Many of us take online classes that use forums as a discussion entity. My generation has, in many ways, lost the finer points of social interaction and sympathetic people skills because so much of the human element has been removed from our communication.

Judging from my experience, I'd guess that the less warm/friendly aspects of the board are probably born from the communication skills younger people. I truly lament my generation's dying ability to empathize.

Sometimes you find diamonds, sometimes coal! :-)
A board like this is a little bit of a slice of life.

We seek what we need, sometimes we find it quickly, sometimes it takes awhile.

The board is alive with the people that use it.
There are rules, policies,standards that are met depending on who is using the board.

It's continually in flux.

Just like life, everything is temporary.