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Posted by: JM ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 06:20PM

I’ve been going through a faith transition (still working out what I believe), but I had a really easy going, open minded ward and a great bishop. I liked going to church to connect with people, but they rearranged the bishopric a a month ago and the new bishop is REALLY strict. Some people have actually complained about him.

But he pulled me aside after class on Sunday and told me that I needed to cut my locs. I asked why and he said that they weren’t appropriate for priesthood. He said I should always be ready to pass the sacrament or give blessings if I was called to.

Now I’m kind of depressed. I’m not trying to sound vain, but I take pride in my hair. I’ve worked hard to grow these out.

Don’t know what to do. I’m kind of scared to go against him. He can get mean.

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Posted by: sbg ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 06:29PM

Leave, this is a “church” not the military. They have no right to tell you how to wear your hair. They just think they do.

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Posted by: saucie ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 08:02PM

sbg Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Leave, this is a “church” not the military.
> They have no right to tell you how to wear your
> hair. They just think they do.


You don't have to do anything the Bishop tells you to do.
Is absurd that he gives grooming advice. Is not his place.
Ignore him he has no right to say anything to you .

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Posted by: HWint ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 09:27PM

sbg Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Leave, this is a “church” not the military.
> They have no right to tell you how to wear your
> hair. They just think they do.

I know a guy who was retired military. Told me a story.

After a few years in corporate rat-race, he downshifted to a lower-stress job. Really really really needed to just relax for a while and not be scheduled up to his eyeballs.

New bishop was flexing his muscles, bossing people around. Bishop leaned on the vet to take a demanding calling. Vet hemmed and hawed, didn't want another 20 hrs/week commitment forced on him.

Eventually told the bishop to back off: "I stopped taking orders when I retired from the Navy. I am a volunteer in this church and you need to start treating me like one."

Easier said than done, perhaps, but OP needs to find his backbone. Bullies of any stripe tend to back off when someone stands up to them. If this is the kind of guy who'd refuse a TR renewal for an otherwise good man who has long hair, well, that's part of the reason why men are bailing out at higher rates than women.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 06:29PM

It might help to take a few weeks off from church to think about it. Do some reading and clear your mind. Don't go back to church unless you're willing to shrug off this guy's unreasonable demand.

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Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 06:40PM

It never stops;

the more power/authority U/members give these neo-nazis, the more they're take-demand.

If U wear sandals to church, that's another 'opportunity' for them, along with shirt color, etc. etc. etc.

One option: cut your hair BUT COLOR IT A BRIGHT COLOR!!!

It never stops, believe me (+ us old farts on the board).

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Posted by: Tex ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 06:44PM

You could ask him to show you the actual tenet/doctrine that supports his edict? You could also tell him that the spirit witnessed to you very strongly, for reasons unknown, that you should keep your loc's. This is your own personal revelation, and who is he to doubt what you received from the holy ghost.

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Posted by: Heidi GWOTR ( )
Date: April 30, 2019 10:30AM

I like this reply the best.

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 06:44PM

He can obviously not give you a TR or callings if he so decides because of your hair or because you won't obey him, but he has no right to tell you how to wear your hair.

A friend of our's, who was as far from wild as you can get, and was bald on top, had his hair a little longer on the sides and I mean A LITTLE, and the bishop told him to get his hair cut.

A bishop told me I had to pray in church and that I needed to go home and practice. I never did pray in church then or even after that.

My daughter's new husband has a beard and he is bald. It got pretty big. They didn't used to allow you to have beards without telling you to cut them off. They "tolerate" them now.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/29/2019 06:44PM by cl2.

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Posted by: lurking in ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 06:48PM


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Posted by: Heidi GWOTR ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 06:49PM

No-where in the Handbook of Instructions does it say you have to cut your locs in order to function in your priesthood duties. He is trying to practice unrighteous dominion over you.

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Posted by: olderelder ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 08:30PM

D&C 121:39
We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.

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Posted by: Heidi GWOTR ( )
Date: April 30, 2019 10:30AM

Bingo.

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Posted by: William Law ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 06:58PM

Wait until he starts telling you what underwear to wear all hours of the day and night.

Or has that already happened?

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 07:36PM

There is no need to cut your hair. If he says something like that again, look him in the eye, deepen your voice, and say, "I won't be doing that."

So what if he's mean? If he treats you poorly, take a good long break from church. He's not your boss. He's not your military commander. He has no right to tell you how to wear your hair.

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Posted by: mikemitchell ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 07:42PM

Its your hair. The bishop has no power over you.

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Posted by: Screen Name ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 07:46PM

Grow out your mane to the length worn by Jesus Christ.

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Posted by: Heartless ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 07:46PM

Look him in the eye and ask him if he's a Zoramite.

The story of the Zoramites is in the book of Alma. The Zoramites mandated what people wore and how they prayed and bore their testimony.

Alma condems the Zoramites.

Keep your hair. Keep yourself.

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Posted by: donbagley ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 07:52PM

They are secret fascists, the Mormons. Is fascism what you want?

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Posted by: ookami ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 08:21PM

If you take pride in your locs, keep them. Screw what that petty tyrant of a bishop thinks.

Despite what bishops always claim, they only have what power people give them. So if he decides to chew you out for your hair, keep calm and walk away without saying a word. Walking away in silence is the most effective "screw you" to guys like that.

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Posted by: oregon ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 08:23PM

"that I needed to cut my locs."
His ward, his people his narcissistic rules. Each LDS ward is a mini-game of thrones. Sickening. I suggest you move to another ward and tell this so-called Bishop to fuk himself. Better yet, let me talk to him face to face.

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Posted by: HWint ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 09:31PM

oregon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>Each LDS ward is a mini-game of thrones.



power plays, gossip, cliques, scheming and backstabbing are hardly unique to LDS culture, but this sentence is still perhaps the best thing I've ever read on this website.

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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 08:28PM

Dye your hair pink and wear a tutu and tell the bishop ghawd still loves you, so why can't he?

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Posted by: breedumyung ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 08:29PM

I'd say it's time for YOU to pull him aside and tell him he is a disgrace for not wearing his hair like Jeezus wore his.

Just sayin'

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Posted by: CateS ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 08:30PM

You are not in a religion that is compatible with freedom of expression in terms of your appearance.

If you choose to keep your hair long, you are swimming upstream in that organization.

If you cut your hair to fit in, you are compromising your identity.

You need to choose what is more important to you. You’re not going to be able to keep your hair and stay in the church and be happy. You want to change the bishop. That’s not going to happen.

Accept it and make your choice. Good luck. I know it’s hard.

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Posted by: outta the cult ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 08:38PM

Two choices.

1. Be a good boy. Obey the bishop. Cut your hair. Congratulations! You just let one of your neighbors boss you around. He has the power! Then, you're on the hook for free church labor – giving blessings, passing the excrement, and getting and magnifying your callings. Buy a fresh scrub brush for Saturdays; you'll soon be on toilet cleaning duty.

Result: Lose on both ends – abandon your self-respect AND your free time.

2. Be your own man. Show him you're not just his little bitch, or his property to order as he sees fit whenever the mood strikes him. Then, you don't have to do any mindless, arbitrary, meaningless church crap.

Result: Win both ways – keep your self-respect and your free time.

Resounding victory or humiliating defeat. You're an adult – it's your choice.

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Posted by: GNPE1 ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 08:53PM

Keep your hair & next time they ask for 'volunteers' to do some PH 'task/duty', be sure to volunteer!!

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Posted by: olderelder ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 09:12PM

"Bishop, Boyd K. Packer is dead, and his Unwritten Rules of the Priesthood died with him."

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 09:31PM

Claim yourself. It's time.

No one should ever tell anyone how to wear their hair. If they can get you to cut your hair, they can get you to do anything.

Cut the strings. You are not their puppet. Obviously.

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Posted by: Pooped ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 09:40PM

If you are going through a faith transition, do you really want to pass the sacrament and give blessings? If you are questioning things it may be time for a little break from those duties.

Did he say cut your hair or else? If so, what was the "or else" and is it really bad?

You could consider going over his head to the stake president and ask him if he thinks the bishop is being appropriate. If the stake president is nice you might let him know the bishop's manner scares you.

You could use this time to attend some other churches (not necessarily to find a more perfect religion or more truth) to just see how others worship and get a feel for what it is like to worship in more open minded congregations. Some may allow you to retain your own personal beliefs while you get a feel for other religions and how they practice their faith. This way you still have the human interaction but not the guilt. Most churches are happy to have visitors that just want to visit but won't pressure you to join up.

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Posted by: thedesertrat1 ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 09:45PM

I would tell him to stuff it!
I would say "I am not your slave! You are not my owner!"

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Posted by: bobofitz ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 09:53PM

Time to start deciding what kind of a person you are going to be.

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Posted by: mel ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 10:30PM

I am female and all my life people have been telling me to “do something” with my hair.

I used to excuse them as being well meaning. But here’s what question to ask yourself:

Would you, yourself, ever say to anyone, any kind of direction on their personal appearance??

If the answer is no, never, what this means is he does not share the same values and respect for others that you have. And therefore, this is not someone who is compatible with who you are and what your beliefs are. And you are compromising your own values by allowing this person and his belief system to be part of your life.

In other words, you don’t have to understand him. You only have to understand yourself and be very clear on your own standards and beliefs.

My own life has become much better once I applied my own standards to others instead of letting them dictate their values onto me. :)

Good luck!

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Posted by: frankie ( )
Date: April 29, 2019 10:34PM

when they cross personal boundaries it time to stop being around these people. they are making you feel terrible about yourself

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: April 30, 2019 12:30AM

" ...I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy
Ratty, matty, oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, gleaming
Streaming, flaxen, waxen, knotted, polka dotted
Twisted, beaded, braided, powdered, flowered and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled and spaghettied
They'll be ga ga at the go go when they see me in my toga
My toga made of blond, brilliantined, biblical hair
My hair like Jesus wore it, Hallelujah, I adore it
Hallelujah; Mary loved her son, why don't my mother love me ? ..."

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Posted by: mel ( )
Date: April 30, 2019 01:46AM

Dave the Atheist Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> " ...I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy

Wow great reference there, Dave! I saw that on broadway as the first date I ever went on. The good old days!! I will now have to look for a clip on YouTube.

For those too young to remember the musical was “Hair”,

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: May 01, 2019 12:29AM

I saw Hair live onstage in Salt Lake at that playhouse on state street that used to be a movie theater. And yes, they did take their clothes off at the end but it was pretty dark since most of the lights had been turned off for the occasion.

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Posted by: 23eagle76 ( )
Date: April 30, 2019 01:05AM

Tell him to f*** off them go give someone a blessing!

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Posted by: Rubicon ( )
Date: April 30, 2019 01:59AM

All the church pictures show Jesus with long hair. Tell the bishop you are trying to be like Jesus. Haha!

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: April 30, 2019 02:04AM

Take a look at any of the portraits of Jesus hanging on walls in church buildings. It's pretty easy to figure out.

Don't let the Bishop tell you what to do with your hair. It's none of his business. He can offer his unsolicited opinion. But he has ZERO authority to command you with regard to something like that (even according to the church's own teachings).

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: April 30, 2019 02:09AM

you know...the most famous long-haired guy in the history of the world...yeah, that Jesus guy.

Then ask the Bishop if he's actually from the Church of the Pharisees of Latter-day Jerks. It could be that the Bishop is confused and needs to go be with his fellow Pharisees.

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Posted by: tumwater ( )
Date: April 30, 2019 12:20PM

You don't get your hair cut, you don't get a TR, they don't get your free labor (no toilet cleaning), they don't get your tithing.

Everyone wins.

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Posted by: beardedatBYU ( )
Date: April 30, 2019 01:45PM

Some random thoughts:

Only a cult is so concenred and invasive about how its individual adherence's dress and groom.

As a teenager my bishop would grab and twist your arm and yell at you to get a haircut. He actually injured one of my peers while twising their arm.

If your bishop is truly so concerned about the dignity of the priesthood he should be looking for ways to love and build his members and not looking for ways to downgrade them or give them reason to be a lesser type of member (again, a cult behavior).

Next time he says something to your about your hair tell him you have every right to be at church and participate as he does and without being discounted as a church member and human being.

I've always found the hair and beard thing so blatantly weird given how God and Jesus are portrayed in art and even in the temple and scriptures where "man was created in god's image".

Tell him to f*ck off and mid his own business.

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Posted by: Roy G Biv ( )
Date: April 30, 2019 02:01PM

Since you haven't replied to any advice so far, I recommend cutting your hair like the bishop told you and going back to church full throttle.

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Posted by: Cathy ( )
Date: April 30, 2019 02:06PM

Having an easy-going, open-minded bishop made it too easy for you. Your faith transition wasn't causing pain or confusion. Now it is, because he pushed you, as cult leaders always do (and must). So now, the real question is - how far will you be pushed, and are you now ready to begin the REAL faith transition? The one where you recognize what this church really is so you can make the break cleanly and completely? If not you might as well do as he orders so you can fall in line and conform. Members must conform, no matter the cost. How willing are you to conform, not only now, but for the rest of your life? Are you comfortable with that? Your bishop drawing the line in the sand is exactly what a faith-transitioning individual needs to see and truly understand. Did it break the proverbial camel's back?

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Posted by: Finally Free! ( )
Date: April 30, 2019 02:08PM

To me the most important problem is your last line, "I’m kind of scared to go against him. He can get mean."

Why? WHY?!? would you want someone who you are afraid of to be your religious leader? Why would you listen to HIM for religious advice? This doesn't sound like someone you should be getting advice from.

Do what you want to do. Religion, if you believe in one, is supposed to be there for you, helping you, not making demands and scaring you. If you want to believe, find a place that meets YOUR values. If you no longer believe, stop going. Stop trying to live your life according to other people's rules.

Ultimately, It's YOUR hair, do what YOU want with it.

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Posted by: Roy G Biv ( )
Date: April 30, 2019 03:01PM

>> "To me the most important problem is your last line, "I’m kind of scared to go against him. He can get mean."

Agreed. My mormon ex-wife could get really mean too. I left her.

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Posted by: matt ( )
Date: May 01, 2019 05:04AM

Ignore him.

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Posted by: subeamnotlogedin ( )
Date: May 01, 2019 07:27AM

Here is a read that I found online about lds haircuts.

https://bycommonconsent.com/2007/09/04/the-haircut/

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Posted by: subeamnotlogedin ( )
Date: May 01, 2019 07:35AM

I am trying to find the lds handbook for instructions and find the chapter about "haircuts" hmmm no luck so far.

http://www.modernmormonmen.com/2015/05/dear-editor-hairstyles-too-extreme.html

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: May 01, 2019 08:02AM

He’s the Delilah to your Samson. Don’t give that crazy bitch any scissors.

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Posted by: Haircut 100 ( )
Date: May 01, 2019 09:12AM

Tell him you love the old church leaders so much that you will grow your hair as long as Jesus and grow your beard as long as Brigham's. Tell him also that you prayed about it and that the 'Spirit' has confirmed your decision which trumps all debating, Another option is to take a long break until you have a different bishop or moved to a different ward. Things always change.

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Posted by: subeamnotlogedin ( )
Date: May 01, 2019 09:20AM

President Dallin H. Oaks addressed the BYU student body when he was first appointed as the university’s president. Among other topics, he talked with the students about appearance—specifically facial hair.

“I am weary of having young people tell me how most of our Church leaders in earlier times wore beards and long hair, which shows that these are not inherently evil,” President Oaks said in 1971.

“In the minds of most people at this time, the beard and long hair are associated with protest, revolution, and rebellion against authority. They are also symbols of the hippie and drug culture. . . . In addition, unkemptness--which is often (though not always) associated with beards and long hair—is a mark of indifference toward the best in life.”

President Oaks noted that he wouldn’t be surprised if the beard policy changed in the future. The address was given more than 40 years ago, and the policy at BYU has become slightly more lenient—allowing beards for medical, theatrical, or religious purposes.

http://www.ldsliving.com/Beards-What-the-Church-Has-Actually-Said/s/89654

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Posted by: subeamnotlogedin ( )
Date: May 01, 2019 09:24AM

This is the best part

"the beard and long hair are associated with protest, revolution, and rebellion against authority. They are also symbols of the hippie and drug culture. ."


"Luke 7:36-50 New Century Version (NCV)
A Woman Washes Jesus’ Feet
36 One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to eat with him, so Jesus went into the Pharisee’s house and sat at the table. 37 A sinful woman in the town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house. So she brought an alabaster jar of perfume 38 and stood behind Jesus at his feet, crying. She began to wash his feet with her tears, and she dried them with her hair, kissing them many times and rubbing them with the perfume."

You need long hair so you can dry Jesus feet at his second coming.

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Posted by: The_documentor ( )
Date: May 01, 2019 10:04AM

I think Tex's response, above, is the best!

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