I have a health condition that already makes it pretty difficult for me to get pregnant and hold onto the fetus, but now I found out I'll probably need a hysterectomy because of some pretty severe symptoms.

Everywhere I go,family, doctors, and the ward members I chose to share to alike are expressing pity because I'm only in my 20s. I've had people express concern about what a man would think if we were dating. Someone else said it was sad that I was choosing to cut my reproductive years short. Someone in my own family said I wouldn't be following my patriarchal blessing.

This religion already puts so much emphasis on family. I don't think I'll be able to handle it anymore. It's hard enough struggling with gender dysphoria, but this is going to be even more painful. It's like if you aren't married or having kids, you're worthless.

But I've never even cared about having kids. I'd rather not feel ill 24/7 before worrying about what COULD be.

It's about kids, as future tithe payers. Without them, there is no reason for the GAs to do their thing.

The mormon church doesn't get to define Family, you do.

Outside of a Mormon (in this discussion) context, many people of disparate religious traditions, as well as many people who do not identify with any religious tradition or belief, make the decision to not have children.

Among Americans as a whole (I assume you are American; it is likely true for Canadians as well), this is a common decision....and it is about a matter that is of no business of anyone other than those you specifically select to discuss it with.

I made this considered decision before I left elementary school, and despite my maternal grandmother's horrified response (based on what she accepted as general social norms; this had nothing to do with religion of any kind), I never considered changing this decision.

When I was dating, I screened quite carefully on this particular subject because I really did not want to have my own children during this lifetime. (Step-children were okay; I wasn't against kids, I was against having my OWN kids....and, in the past, I have been a step-mother.)

You have a right to your decision on this subject, and if it is complicating your life because other people disagree with you, maybe it is time that you, and they, need to go your separate ways.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/05/2019 11:08PM by Tevai.

I think that it would be very difficult to be a childless Mormon. There are other churches that would be far more accepting of you.

Having said that, I would get a second opinion on the hysterectomy (from a highly regarded specialist at a university teaching hospital) purely for reasons of health.

In Mormonism, women are only valuable as brood mares.

This is unfair and very cruel.

Good luck with your surgery. I hope all goes well.

I'm writing a new novel which deals with this situation. Perhaps I'll link a chapter on it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/06/2019 03:24AM by Cheryl.

I'm very sorry to hear this. But remember just because you have this issue *doesn't* prevent you from raising kids - there is such a thing as adoption - and I'm sure many babies out there would appreciate a loving mother, should you chose to do so.

The shorter answer is that it's none of their business. If a man isn't interested in you because of this, maybe you shouldn't be interested in them....

I had no desire for children early on too... that was two knocks against me from MorgCo... Having no children and being gay... It is funny because I work with a lot of Mormons and that is usually the first question the females ask... how many kids do you have... it's a simple and easy way for them to file you into the "unworthy" category. So glad I quit the church!

My mother had to have a complete hysterectomy by the age of 30. She'd had ten pregnancies by then, two of which were miscarriages, two were stillborns. Only six were live births.

Only four of us made it to adulthood. Two died in early childhood from disease (one,) and the other from complications related to mom's pregnancy.

So please don't feel bad you can't have more children. It's nobody's bleeping business but yours and your family's anyway.

Certainly not the business of TSCC.

Don't let them judge you for your worthiness. You need to judge them for who the hell they are to you. There is life outside TSCC. There is meaning without having children. I used to base my worthiness on that too. I felt like an old maid because I wasn't married by my early 20's, and then when I did marry I became divorced and a single mom.

They're really hard on single moms!

If my shelf wasn't cracked before that, it was after!!

Care more about yourself first. Got to love yourself before you can love anyone else. What others think about you from a distance is no one's business but the busy bodies that they are. TSCC is full of busy bodies!

Amyjo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> TSCC
> is full of busy bodies!

I doubt it. This is the church of eternal families. Everyone is like family.

Remember, these opinions are coming from people who believe that Joseph Smith translated ancient records written on golden plates. Plates that mysteriously contained only 19th century ideas from his locale.

The brainwashing is stronger now that it’s very difficult to convert anyone to Mormonism. The only way to grow the church is through reproduction. Who says the church should grow?

You could have your eggs frozen, if you can afford it.

You should also get a second and third opinion before having a hysterectomy.

I didn't fit into Mormon culture either and was treated pretty badly as a member too, but I remained a true blue faithful member through it all. The bottom line was, I felt like crap because of church policies and tenets. It was not the fault of the other members.

So for me, quitting or staying was a matter of figuring out if I believed that Joseph Smith saw God and Jesus in the grove, if the BOM was actually translated from golden plates, and if the current prophet is a true prophet of God.

If I believed those three things, then I had to stay a member no matter how I felt about how I was treated, because this was God's will. If I didn't believe those things then none of it was true anyway and I was only engaging in masochism by staying and it was time to follow my conscience and leave.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/06/2019 04:49PM by lillium.

I followed that logic too, and because of my faith it worked up to the point when I studied my way out once I discovered it was a farce.

Since I'd been brainwashed from early age on to believing the myth of Smithism, it was drilled into my head that Joseph's vision was rock solid, and so was the BoM, and all the other Mormon tales we were taught growing up.

When you've said it 100 times in F&T meetings and heard times that many more recited, that it's "all true," what's not to believe? It was the standard everything else was to be compared to. Scary reality once you find out it was all a lie.

Once the shelf cracked it became a little crack here and there, until it became a chasm. The way people are toward each other is reflective of the cognitive dissonance TSCC feeds on itself. Not that it excuses the poor behavior of some of the sorry excuses of human examples there. But it does help to define why they behave so ignobly and show so much discord one towards another.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 05/06/2019 07:23PM by Amyjo.

Just tell the church to shove it and look in the mirror and love yourself.

Everyone has something in their life they have to deal with. Those things of course differ and unfortunately some people have more challenging issues to deal with than others.

That's life. It's not fair. Life can be pretty tough at times.

My advice is get to know yourself better and learn to love yourself. Be your better self and in time all things fall into place. You will meet people who like you for who you are. You will be far more happier than trying to fit into to some matrix defined by other people.

I had endometriosis, fibroids, a benign tumour removed and cysts on my ovaries. Oh, and the period which lasted for a year and a half. When uterine cells went abnormal and they threw the cancer word at me, the doctor said I was having surgery now and that was that.

They first wanted to do a hysterectomy when I was 30, but because of the blessings which kept promising me that I’d be healed, I kept putting off surgery. For 14 years!

My doctor said I’d put myself through hell for 14 years and he was happy I’d finally had the surgery. I went through several surgeries and hormone treatments, fighting to stay fertile. In the end, they said it was unlikely that I could ever had gotten pregnant anyway.

I feel a lot of anger towards the Church on that issue. Although ultimately it was always really my own decision. That makes me a little angry at myself too.

When I was dating my wife, and found out she couldn't have kids, I considered it a bonus.

I didn't want kids and never had them. Yes, you are bucking the 'system' which wants us all to produce more consumers.

The world's population has doubled since 1970, there are too many people and so much pressure to keep popping out more babies despite the extinctions and deforestation and pollution caused by massive human overpopulation.

I'm with Richard the Bad. Consider that you are one of the few, doing our poor planet a favor. :)

"Yes, you are bucking the 'system' which wants us all to produce more consumers."

Not really - in the west, there is a big PR campaign to reduce the population and has been for decades. It's very visible, and there has been a major encouragement of sex as a purely leisure not a reproductive activity by Hollywood, pop music, commercials etc. Unproductive sex is highly promoted. The new consumers are currently being provided by immigration from countries which have maintained higher birthrates and lower wages.

I am sorry to hear about the OP's situation as it means she doesn't even have that choice to make, and she is being judged for it. As I said above though, she can still raise adopted children if she wants to. (In fact it would be great if more of us took children out of these homes and hospitals and put them into loving environments, instead of being raised by institutions.)