I have been dating this girl for some time and i am madly in love with her. I was baptized three weeks ago in the Mormon church. This is mostly because of her. I did it because one of the members had said something about "faking it till you make it", so i figured that as time went on my doubts would go away. They have only been getting worse, and i already want out of the church. I just dont know how to spring this on her, she wants to be married in the temple to someone who is worthy to hold the preisthood, and i fear that this will never be me. Any suggestions?

Be true to yourself, be true to her before things get any worse.

Very good advice. Stop it now before you have a family and tear the possible future kids with divorce. My parents divorced we I swas in my early 30s and it still hurt (they aren't Mormons).

Only this. Be honest. And be yourself.

No one should feel the need to change someone else in order to make them the companion of their dreams. If you must change someone in order to make them acceptable to you, then you've got the wrong person.

One can only live a charade for so long before it becomes exhausting. Sooner or later, you'll revert back to being who you really are.

Your only option, really, is simply to be who you are, be honest and explain how you feel, and if she can't accept you just the way you are, then you need to know that now.

Not to mention that, although I don't like her trying to change you into being someone who is acceptable to her, she does have the right to marry someone who will give her what she feels she needs.

If you can't give her that, then she needs to know that as well.

Be honest with your girlfriend. Do not get yourself further immeshed with Mormonism if you don't feel good about it now.

I think it is hard for neverMo's (I am one myself) to really comprehend just how controlling Mormonism is. It is a highly controlling religion that will take over every aspect of your life. It is not at all like the mainstream Christian churches in this regard. You don't go for an hour or so on Sunday and then forget about it for the rest of the week.

You need to take time to fully educate yourself about the church. There is *a lot* that you don't know -- a lot that the Mormons can't or won't tell you.

Don't even consider getting married in the temple. If you love your parents, siblings, etc., and have a good relationship with them, it would be unbearably rude and painful for them to exclude them from your wedding. If for some reason you do decide to stay with your girlfriend, you could always get sealed a year later. If she's not willing to make this, or other compromises to be with you, then I'm going to be blunt -- she's not the one for you.

She is most likely deeply immersed in her religion. Sometimes couples can make it work under such circumstances, but the odds are not with you. I know that it's hard to hear when you're in love. I've been there! But sometimes the one you love with all your heart is nevertheless not the right one for you.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life living unauthentically with a spouse you can't share your deepest feelings with?

Do you want an organization to be a third party in your marriage?

Share your doubts and let the chips fall where they may.

Your GF is a member of a cult. Her thinking is dominated and influenced by the teachings and demands of the cult. It is possible she may eventually break free, but not likely.

Sorry, but you must decide if being married to her is worth living a double life.

Don't forget the 10% of your income gone forever with NOTHING BUT HEARTACHE to show for it.

ANa

Just the opposite: Doubts increase and more information is learned which is not acceptable to the person—just as you are currently experiencing, NeedHelp.

The problem of the church will only grow bigger with time. And you will begin to feel ashamed of faking things instead of being honest with yourself and your girlfriend.

Marrying a woman who values the church more than her husband guarantees marital problems when the man does not share her opinion of the church. Divorce, pain and regret are the typical results—results we see here on RfM all the time.

Although breakup is painful, we guarantee you that it is much easier now than down the line.

Good luck! Keep posting.

The teachings of the church are clearly and obviously false.
The teachings of the church are HARMFUL (particularly to women and children).
The leadership of the church is corrupt and will lie and manipulate to get what it wants, even if that means destroying your marriage and separating you from your wife and children.

You must act now. Do NOT fake it until you make it. You will be setting yourself, your future wife, and your future children all up for heartbreak and disaster.

"faking it till you make it". So would an intelligent god support lying to oneself until they believe? Doesn't that also destroy "free will" which was the primary reason for the mormon "war in heaven"?

Ask you girl friend these things. Ask her is it right to teach missionaries to lie to themselves about their testimonies until they believed which is what Apostle Boyd Packer did. Missionaries are taught to not answer questions and to leave out information on purpose. There is a video on youtube showing missionaries being taught. I'd give you the link but don't have access to my files just now. The outside world would be appalled at what gets taught inside.

Ask her is it intellectually honest to lie to build testimony? And if she says yes then point out to her, that the testimony was built on a lie and not on self evident truth. Free will or free agency as mormons call it comes with an implied right to be fully informed before making decisions.

Your girlfriend is emotionally attached and she will defer to that to argue what is truth and what is not. Emotional attachment is not truth. Flat earth believers have the same emotional attachment to their beliefs as the Mormons do to the BOM and both of these are self evidentially false.

Ask questions of her and let her know that you have had massive amounts of information that you needed to make this decision to join the church with held in their zeal to convert you. You have not been give all the facts that you need to make honest conclusions with.

Be yourself. Research everything. Stick with your integrity. Never give away your personal integrity for love. You will regret that decision and it will eventually cause far more grief in the future than it will cause if clear and honest decisions are made now.

Notice one thing when you come here. Here you are told to research and ask the hard questions. In the church you are told to lie to yourself till you believe. Here, no one is trying to "convert" you. We just want you to be completely and fully informed.

Mormonthink.com
wifesofjosephsmith.com

Honest non anti-mormon sites. Ask questions and never ever stop.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/19/2011 12:24PM by AmIDarkNow?.

Fake it till you make it??? That's not a red flag for you, but a viable path? Somewhere down the line there is a very good chance the church will make you sick to your stomach if you are actually the thinking person you seem to be, who wants to know the truth and not stick your head in the sand. I hope when that moment comes that you have not already had children, because the script of the rest of your life will be set in stone most likely and the pain part of it might be more than you ever wanted to handle.

It seems to me that you're doing all the giving, she's doing all the taking, and that sounds more like an ending than a beginning.
I would say see a good marriage counselor (not mormon) on your own before you go any further.

Is that romance? I'd back out while there's a chance. I know you love her, but...

Looks like enough to ruin your future. You have no clue what you are walking into.

Joining a cult for love or pussey is insane.
Eventually, you will just be left with the cult and its incessant demands.

RUN like hell and find a woman who loves you unconditionally.

Mormons are rarely capable of such love because the cult is always the dominant partner n the relationship.

Run now. Or, you can wait until later when it will be more difficult and costly (emotionally and perhaps financially).

There will be others you will be "madly in love with".

The person who told you to "fake it until you make it" gave you some of the most dangerous, harmful advice when it comes to religious faith.

That is the sign that it is a brainwashing cult. You should not have to fake religious belief. That is lying to yourself and trying to be something you're not.

Get out now. Tell your girlfriend you don't believe. That you wanted to do this for her, but it's just too weird.

Either she loves you or she doesn't. But far better to do it now.

How can you have a relationship when one of you is not being honest?

You love her, tell her the truth.

I have a TBM friend in the same situation and it is not pretty!

Or if you choose to be with her, you had better love it and live it!

"gullible and/or dishonest enough to hold the priesthood".

Really. Needhelp, didn't you read the truth about the LDSInc. online? a couple hours searching shows anyone what a sick trap LDSInc. is?

I'm not trying to diminish what you feel for this girl but if you cannot be yourself with her is the relationship going to be good for you long term??? I would have my doubts.

I'd be up front with her and take it from there. Even if she claims that she coll with you being non-believing I'd still be cautious. I've seen LDS marry spouses only to put the pressure on years later...once there are kids an complications.

If she wants to marry in the temple you'll likely get pressured to shape up or get dumped. Unfortunately that's the truth.

Sorry it sucks...and good luck.

The divorce rate for temple married people is the same or higher than the local and national average. Some of the worst marriages and unhappy people I have known stay together because,,"We were married in the temple". It is a pressure to be what you are not.

I would be honest with her and tell her how you really feel. If she truly loves you she would respect your decision to not be Mormon. If she doesn't respect your decision then she is placing the church over her relationship with you. You will never measure up in her eyes.

If I were you I'd study up on the following links (in the following order):

http://www.exmormon.org/tract2.htm
www.mormonthink.com
www.utlm.org
http://www.realmormonhistory.com/

Those are the things we were NOT told in church or while we were investigating Mormonism.

I would then ask her to read these as well and hopefully she can be de-converted.

If she is not de-converted, then I am afraid that you and your girlfriend are going to have serious problems down the road.

She is not worth it no matter how much you love her. I have been there. The church will eat at your relationship...It will destroy what ever love you had...

worth the drama it will bring especially if she believes.

He will be miserable for sure.

Marriage is hard enough without basing it on a lie. How can you say you love her if you don't respect her enough to be honest?

Ask her if she would still love you and marry you if you left the church. If the answer is no (99% chance), tell her you are looking for a true love to marry, and you can't marry her because her love for her church is stronger than her love for you.
This was a stipulation for my marriage. We met when I was Exed and the stipulation was that I would rejoin the church ASAP. Needless to say I decided I couldn't rejoin a false org, and it still gets brought up on a weekly basis. If u leave the church or show her you don't believe be ready for divorce, major trust issues, and constant nagging from your soon to be wife. That's why I think you should iron out your issues before you marry her.

There is no "faking it till you make it". That is a lie. Man up and be honest with her. If you already know you will never be the man she wants then you must walk away, if not for your own sake then for hers.

Please, please listen to us. The LDS church is a cult and will wedge itself in all facets of your life. If you gfriend is dead set on marrying a PH holder in the temple then none if this is about loving you as an individual, it's about marrying the church. Any so-called worthy PH holder who can take her to the temple will do.

Seriously don't get any deeper into this.

This may sound harsh, but you are a Hormonal Convert: your girlfriend has "done her duty" and if you try to make her understand that you are not into the church, there is an excellent chance that she drops you, and she'll be married to someone else within 6 months, because she belongs to the church. It's man-made, and while it may teach many virtues, so do the fictions of Star Trek and Lord of the Rings, which many people find fulfilling...

read the vow's your gonna take... I never got that chance- here's yours--- figure out what the new and everlasting covenant is now.


Officiator: Brother ______, [naming groom] and Sister ______, [naming bride] please join hands in the Patriarchal Grip or Sure Sign of the Nail.

Marriage Couple: Joins hands in the "Patriarchal Grip, or Sure Sign of the Nail." This token is given by clasping the right hands, interlocking the little fingers and placing the tip of the forefinger upon the center of the wrist. No clothing should interfere with the contact of the forefinger upon the wrist.

Officiator: Brother ______, do you take Sister ______ by the right hand and receive her unto yourself to be your lawful and wedded wife for time and all eternity, with a covenant and promise that you will observe and keep all the laws, rites, and ordinances pertaining to this Holy Order of Matrimony in the New and Everlasting Covenant, and this you do in the presence of God, angels, and these witnesses of your own free will and choice?

Groom: Yes.

Officiator: Sister ______ do you take brother ______ by the right hand and give yourself to him to be his lawful and wedded wife, and for him to be your lawful and wedded husband, for time and all eternity, with a covenant and promise that you will observe and keep all the laws, rites and ordinances pertaining to this Holy Order of Matrimony in the New and Everlasting Covenant, and this you do in the presence of God, angels, and these witnesses of your own free will and choice?

Bride: Yes.

Officiator: By virtue of the Holy Priesthood and the authority vested in me, I pronounce you ______, and ______, legally and lawfully husband and wife for time and all eternity, and I seal upon you the blessings of the holy resurrection with power to come forth in the morning of the first resurrection clothed in glory, immortality and eternal lives, and I seal upon you the blessings of kingdoms, thrones, principalities, powers, dominions and exaltations, with all the blessings of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and say unto you: be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth that you may have joy and rejoicing in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. All these blessings, together with all the blessings appertaining unto the New and Everlasting Covenant, I seal upon you by virtue of the Holy Priesthood, through your faithfulness, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, Amen.

-----

That's it! No lasting symbols (rings), no affection (you may kiss the bride), and no "honor, love or cherish one another." It seems like you're marrying the church more than you're marrying

anona Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> read the vow's your gonna take... I never got that
> chance- here's yours--- figure out what the new
> and everlasting covenant is now.
---------
copy and paste from this forum that really hit home for me.

"Mormonism talks about having priesthood power and authority, granted by God to act in his name. Actually, it's just justification for bossing people around. It's as bogus and self-serving as the divine right of kings.

After all, authority is completely unnecessary if you don't want to control people. And the "power" part is just a tool get people believing you might actually have some authority. "Oooo, I can make magic happen for you -- if you obey me. And I have the authority to demand that, thanks to the invisible man, who speaks only to me."

Do you know what you promise to do in the temple??? Has anyone answered that question for you? Or is it so sacred it's secret? If they won't tell you what you are committing to, doean't it make you wonder?

For the answer keep reading:

Before you marry, you promise to obey god (ok, sounds pretty harmless, no problem there, right?)

How about that you pledge all your time, talents & cash to the building up of the mormon church, also called the kingdom of god here on the earth

What about the promise that you and your wife will be wearing regulation underwear that goes from neck to knee. And don't be thinking any lacy kinky fun stuff, either. Oh, and you promise to wear this at night too. Believe me, it doesn't make you feel too sexy. If you and your girlfriend are 'liberal' you could take them off for sex. Also you don't have to wear them doing sports.

Don't blame your girlfriend for this. She doesn't know any of this stuff either. She's been taught that it's beautiful and of course necessary to get into heaven's top kingdom. If she grew up in the church, she's been led to believe that if she DOESN'T get married in the temple, some sin must have taken place, probable fornication.

And yes, i was a member from age 7 til my 40's, so been there, done that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/19/2011 06:01PM by karin.

"Worthy of the priesthood" is one of those nice-sounding phrases that is used to cover up a plethora of evil intentions:

- taking your money
- taking your time
- taking your right to independent thought and action
- interfering in your personal life
- covertly pressuring you to fear and/or dislike gays, single women, liberals, and a host of other subsets of the human population