I think it would be a dreary nasty version of a catty mormon ward. There would be constant record keeping about who had which calling and how well they were performing their duties. Put down a check mark where it doesn't belong and suffer a public humiliation. Don't move up the ladder to higher callings and you'd feel like a failure, and the competition would be daunting because everyone would be officious and highly judgmental of every little infraction. It would be like being on an endless mission but much more regulated with dozens rules for every waking minute.

It would also be bland and boring. No diversity, no quirks, no oddities or freaky natural cloudbursts and hailstorms, no dogs with three legs, or people with one brown eye and one blue, no weeds and no droopy eyes or sagging smiles. Anyone who wasn't chipper would be written up and docked and they might lose access to a wife or be shunned by their neighbors.

Lesser residents who weren't valiant on earth would have to carry chamber pots or pull weeds until they progressed to chopping vegetables and scrubbing sinks.

I think I'd hate the humdrum but high pressure existence in the CK more than I hated being trapped in mormonism on earth.

I knew I was not ghawd material, so the best I could hope for was Super Eunuch-Ken Doll, assigned to a riding mower. "A man's gotta know his limitations," said Inspector Callahan.

Eternal sacrament meeting? No thanks. It was all I could do to sit through an hour each week,

I never really believed the Celestial Kingdom was anything more than a temporary stop on my way to eternal dominion. I was taught that the Celestial Kingdom was more of an access level than a physical place.

For example: If you were in the Celestial Kingdom you could visit Kolob, but Kolob wasn't in and of itself the Celestial Kingdom.

Once I became a god I would be busy making my own worlds, and Kolob would be like a place I could visit people or whatever, but I wouldn't live there because that's Heavenly Father's home base, not mine. I'd have my own Kolob, so to speak.

So I don't agree with your interpretation of what the Celestial Kingdom would be like based on my upbringing in mormonism. You make it sound like the local ward.

There wouldn't be moving up to higher callings because once you're in you've already attained the highest calling there is to attain: godhood.

That's where it became problematic for me, and why my seminary teachers hated me. I would always ask for details on what the ultimate prize was and what it would be like. Ultimately they'd have to admit we'd all be doing exactly the same thing which to me was untenable. I wanted to do my own thing: not do what everybody else is doing. You could tell they'd never thought about it before.

honklermaga Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
I would always ask
> for details on what the ultimate prize was and
> what it would be like.

I recall reading once where someone said that the more detailed descriptions of the afterlife become, the more unsatisfactory they seem.

Fine. Whatever. The celestial kingdom is anything you want it to be. We all need something to believe in. Right now, I believe I'll have another beer.

honklermaga Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> ...You could tell they'd never thought about it before.


I think all they had considered was that they'd be let into the club, a club that believed it was better than all the other clubs.

A lot of Mormonism comes straight from JS's need to be Somebody, to be accepted by higher society, to have status. Priesthood, temple ordinances, celestial kingdom, more nookie... His religion appealed to those like him. There's still a lot of that in contemporary Mormonism. A lot of type B males hoping to be type A males by playing a version of Kevin Bacon's part in Animal House. "Please, Sir, may I have another?"

No one can sit idly by, not ever.

I went through childbirth 4 times. Never want to do it again, thankyouverymuch.

For a second there I thought you were describing yourself as one of our believers in reincarnation. Then I realized what you were saying--and it is oh so true!

Funny, when I look at it from the reincarnation perspective it totally works.

Similar to how we all see a yellow traffic light, but interpret it our own way: stop, slow down, speed up, etc.

Well, I never thought I HAD to go. I knew it was where I was supposed to want to go, but no one ever made a sufficiently convincing argument. The root of it was "families together forever" promise. I didn't want to be with my birth family, and I had no interest in creating a family, so what was the point? Godhood? Eh, I was never the leader type, never wanted power (except maybe to make annoyances go away). What sealed my disinterest in the CK was a seminary lesson (a dubious source of doctrine, I know) where we were taught perfection required perfect obedience to not only eternal laws but also eternal plans. So if I did all the work to become a god I wouldn't get to do things my own way? I'd just be a franchise holder? Well screw that, especially if the lower kingdoms were so unimaginably wonderful, or just imaginably wonderful. Why not just slack my way into a nice place? Wanna be with the family? Slack together.

100%

I never wanted to be a goddess that shared a man with thousands of other women. I just wanted my family. And as crazy as my family can be (my sisters and I have problems), as a child, family was security and always has been. I have always been someone who is homesick. I NEEDED to know my family would be with me. I want my kids to be with me AND MY DOGS. If I'm not going to have my family, MY KIDS and MY DOGS--all of them, then just let me cease to exist.

But you think wards are bad. Hell, go let those old people tell you to re-tie your sash as it isn't perfect. Listen to that boring hellish movie over and over again. If you think SM is bad. Could I ever escape and just go home like I can from church? Can I get away from the cult-like atmosphere?

I got a big laugh out of riding lawnmower. My ex is the grounds supervisor at a local hospital. Since has a really bad back (3 surgeries--all from work), he has been doing the riding lawnmower and his workers do the back work. Ken doll. I'll hvae to tell him.

I went through a temple open house years ago. In the Celestial room the light fixtures were phallic shaped. Like dongs hanging upside down. What is the deal with that?

My mother says I am sealed to her and so I have no choice in the matter. CK here I come.

I'm sure I can get myself kicked out though. I'm just not good with the worship thing and I hate being bored to death and I'm sure both are required.

CK sounds boring as hell to me. Fortunately, CK is make believe like the land of OZ or Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. LOL

Well, you just made TBMs want to get there even more. Tell them it's Disneyland and they'll pay 20% tithing.

I'm glad I don't have to worry about going anywhere at all and will truly be getting eternal rest. If (Big IF) there is something after death, I'll find out then. I don't believe there is any consciousness after the brain waves finally quit functioning (it may take just a little while--hence NDEs). But that's just my belief, I don't profess to know anything for sure and no one else knows either. Soooo, just not worth spending on precious second worrying or wondering about it.

(I think honklermaga must be a male.)

I rejoiced that I would not have to go to the CK! I would have gotten myself excommunicated, if necessary, to make sure my abusive temple ex, my innocent children, and others were CERTAIN that I was not going to go there! And--the Mormon leaders told me that my CK fate was only if I paid tithing and was very, very, very obedient.

1. Oh yeah--who wants to be pregnant and giving birth, perpetually, for all of eternity. (I would love to have more children, to love, care for, share my life with--but the CK spirit children are purposed to be sent away, to inhabit bodies, off in some other "lone and dreary world."

2. Hence, perpetual empty-nest syndrome.

3. Um, Mormons believe in polygamy in the CK. What woman would like that?

4. The Mormon leaders believed that I was still still sealed to a temple husband who beat me, strangled me, and almost killed me!. I was never granted any kind of cancellation of sealing or temple divorce. The creepy thug was a MONSTER. How's that for Hell?

5. The Mormon leaders believed that my beloved earthly children would be sealed to the monster thug, eternally in the CK. They told me, "This means that your children will be sealed to YOU, also, for eternity! Isn't that Marvelous?" But only if I paid tithing and was very, very, very obedient.

6. "Hell, go let those old people tell you to re-tie your sash as it isn't perfect."--Cl2. Yes, there would be meetings, and hierarchies, and cliques, etc. The men would rule and conduct the meetings, because Mormon men have invented the CK, to their own delight.

7. Mormonism takes away people's rights. I can't stand to even breathe the air in the temple. I feel it is evil. Mormonism is evil. It's the opposite of what Mormons pretend it is. It is Hell on Earth, and Hell in the Hereafter.

Being free for the rest of my life and for "eternity", and having my children free, and living a life of love and happiness--I'm in Heaven right now. I try to be a good person, by choice, but in ways I feel are important. I'll take my chances after death. There isn't much more we can do about it.

There is that smell, isn't there!!!

According to the temple, god is only doing what's been done on other worlds. Nothing new here. It's the same old plan, repeated ad inifinitum.

Mormonism teaches that god kicked out 1/3 of his kids because they went with the plan that was (a) something different and (b) didn't give god the credit he demanded.

Mormon god wants to be praised and worshiped for enacting a plan that he didn't even come up with, just copied from what he supposedly had to live through. What a douche.

Hmmm... So how many Lucifers have there been? And was Lucifer kicked out, or did he just move on to do his own thing, as did countless other Lucifers who found a better way to take on living?

In one of his comedy routines, Jim Jeffries points out that we've never had the opportunity to read Lucifer's book...

So is it like GoT. Could we take over other kingdoms?
You can be with your offspring or siblings or just tak'em out.

I had a seminary teacher who claimed that there would be no sleeping up there in the Celestial Kingdom. We'd be too busy to sleep and our glorified bodies wouldn't need sleep anyhow.
Actually, I like a good nap now and then.

Sometimes I think people become seminary teachers just so they can have some sort of mask of authoritativeness for the BS they make up.

This.

I never had an expectation of going there.

Ditto. Never thought I'd land in such a place.

I had a YW leader start bawling her eyes out, talking about the CK and how she doesn't want to share Tom (her husband.) But she would have to since HF required it. Poor thing. Suffering like that is beyond horrible...no SCC should ever put their members through these types of emotions. Sickening.

I prefer my perch in the great and spacious building, thank you.

My stepmom used to joke she didn't have to worry about it because she knew she was going to be where all her friends were on the other side, so it didn't matter to her if she was "there" or not.

She was a Jack Mormon through and through, and a very good woman, including the best wife my dad had the good fortune of ever marrying.

One TBM woman I knew was distraught because her daughter was sinning and straying and wouldn't be able to join her and her husband in the CK....and mt first thought was "you presume a lot, don't you".

My TBM parents and siblings didn't like me much and thought I was inadequate and not too bright. I didn't want to have to deal with their attitude any longer than necessary.

In life, I didn't spend time with them more than required. I didn't want to do it in some afterlife.

Thankfully, I'm pretty much rid of them. Let them blame someone or something else for their failed lives, not me. I'm out of there.

This sounds similar to my situation. Always crossing my boundaries, never taking me seriously, and talking down to me even though I am a grown ass man with a job. Interesting.

Yes, I’m relieved. I always envisioned having terrible hay fever there.

As someone who was in an abusive marriage, though fortunately not a temple one, the CK doesn't sound like heaven to me at all. As you might expect, my ex was looking forward to polygamy in the afterlife, and he even was hoping for it to be reinstated in this life as well. At least, it's all BS in my opinion, made up by men to control women in this life and for eternity.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/25/2019 12:47PM by doyle18.

I'm relieved. mormondom is for the talented 10% anyway. For people like Nelson, who are extra special, and extra ordinary. But that's ok, Nelson practically told us in the last conference that unless we are like him and his dead daughter (and do the temple thing) we can just all go to HELL, where we belong.

I think the hierarchy is losing their patience with us ;o)

I’m prone to terrible nightmares. The worst by far are innocuous dream loops. The same thing, over and over again, seems like forever. Mormon heaven sounds like a pregnant dream loop. That’s hell right there.

Yes, absolutely. Sounds awful.

I never wanted to be like Mormon Jesus, drifting around in a long white toga with a pink sash.

...a typical Mormon couple; sealed, new names, and celestially rewarded. Ready for Phase Two of the journey...a vacant, intergalactic landfill, which they have to tidy up. Big whoop.

https://unarius.org/uploads/uriel-raphiel.jpg

came from Joseph Smith and Brigham Young. I don't believe any significant details have been added by any subsequent "prophets".

When you go through the outline of what the CK is all about, a few prominent features stand out.

(1) Joseph Smith is going to be a hugely big deal there. You have to pass through him to get access to Big Daddy and Jesus. If Jesus is the right hand of God, Joseph Smith is another "Hand" (in Game of Thrones parlance) for the Godhead. Everyone in the CK, other than the Godhead guys and maybe a few others, must quake and tremble and must bend the knee to Joe Smith. And Brigham Young is just a tiny notch below Joe Smith.

(2) Perfect resurrected bodies, anatomically correct in a way that Ken dolls are not, are really important for the men in the elite circles of the CK. Why? Eternal boinking of course! Physical boinking with fully functional super-charged boinking parts.

(3) For those super high-ranking guys (like Joseph Smith and Brigham Young) who make it to the highest, most elite level of the CK, multiple wives with perfect bodies of celestial glory is what it's all about. No monogamy. Technically, this is still what is believed, but not talked about much in the LSD church. (I have TBM sisters who cringe and wince and get disgusted looks on their faces when they are reminded that this is what is supposed to happen in the CK IF THEY and THEIR HUSBANDS achieve their goal of getting to the highest circle. But you can see them visibly push those feelings to the back of their minds and replace it with the comforting thought that it's not important to think about such things now and the thought that probably it will not be that way or some other suitably ambiguous thought that allows them to stop thinking about being part of an eternally expanding harem in the CK.)

In summary, the CK is simply an eternal power trip and sex fantasy conjured up by Joseph Smith and Brigham Young. But I'm sure the furnishings will be great.

Cheryl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I think it would be a dreary nasty version of a
> catty mormon ward.

With social climbing, back stabbing MORmON neighbors like Bruce R. McDonkey McConkie, Mark E. Peterson, David A.(ASSpostHOLE) Bednar, the CK would be pure Hell.



> There would be constant record
> keeping about who had which calling and how well
> they were performing their duties. Put down a
> check mark where it doesn't belong and suffer a
> public humiliation. Don't move up the ladder to
> higher callings and you'd feel like a failure, and
> the competition would be daunting because everyone
> would be officious and highly judgmental of every
> little infraction. It would be like being on an
> endless mission but much more regulated with
> dozens rules for every waking minute.
>
> It would also be bland and boring. No diversity,
> no quirks, no oddities or freaky natural
> cloudbursts and hailstorms, no dogs with three
> legs,



> or people with one brown eye and one blue,
> no weeds and no droopy eyes or sagging smiles.

I do NOT need any of that, and all of the canines can be spared the conversion to three legs. I simply have no interest in the MORmON Celestial KingDumb.

You guys are hilarious! Love all these responses! For myself, I'm very relieved. I can't imagine being pregnant for all eternity; I was nauseated and vomiting the whole nine months of each pregnancy. No thanks!

I could barely stand it for the first two months and the last couple of weeks and only did it twice.

Eternity? No Way. YUCK!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/26/2019 12:33PM by Cheryl.

I had HORRIBLE hay fever as a child. We had a farm and we all worked on it in the summer, but there were sometimes weeks in a row that I didn't have to go. If the grain was in "bloom," my eyes would seal shut without even touching my eyes. We just had to drive down the lane.

Myself, I'd do pregnancy again in a heartbeat rather than going to the CK. At least there is something good that comes from it. The worst part of pregnancy for me was morning sickness. I'd do the C-section and having twins again easily. My sisters and I used to make up things when we were doing especially icky tasks LIKE digging rotten potatoes out of a root cellar. My dad had saved them for planting the next year. He wanted us to do it by hand. Now there you go, digging out rotten potatoes by hand.

Just going to the temple was worse than morning sickness to me. AND I had it BAD and was driving 55 miles to work. I'd vomit in a bowl on the way to work.

When my daughter got married, I didn't want to be in there as I knew what was going on and so it really irritated me that my aunt had to take away what I chose to think about instead. Just about my beautiful daughter and nothing else.

It's all bullshit. Human beings belong on Earth, period.

Even those of you who don't believe in reincarnation have to see the logic in that.