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Posted by: Recovered Molly Mormon ( )
Date: June 03, 2019 12:53AM

I've heard from other ex-family members and mutual acquaintances that my still TBM ex regrets how things worked out between us. We split over 10 years ago. We are now civil regarding our now adult kids.

The ex did some pretty crappy things right before and after our divorce. Verbal, physical, sexual, financial and emotional abuse. Not to mention cheating on me and stealing about 20K from a mutual bank account.

For several years while I struggled to make ends meet and raise the two lovely people I know today. The ex was living the single life trying to find a new "worthy" wife and traveling lavish trips several times a year.

Fast forward to today where I worked hard to buy a home and put a roof over my kids heads while they finished school. The ex pats himself on the back, because he did have military benefits that helped their educational costs. Grateful? Yes I am? Does it make up for all the past. Heck no.

He alienated his kids for years while he went wife shopping (unsuccessfully) and was pissed whenever he came back into their lives they rejected him. I ripped him a new one. I told him that the kids are not possessions he merely gets to have pizza with when it suits him. I told him that if he wanted a better relationship..then WORK on it and be dependable. He saw the kids and I were close and it made him jealous.

For a few years his own family that thought I was the devil incarnate for leaving this "honorable LDS man" started to see the truth of the situation and alienated him as well.

He started buying the kids expensive presents, and as teenagers do, they took them...but the ex realized it did not buy him any favors.

Like I said, we are amicable, which is more than I ever hoped for, but I would not call us friends.

Now the ex is broke for the most part. He has piddled away is life savings and mostly will depend on his inheritance when his Mother passes.

The rumors I am hearing among family members about his regret that things didn't work out with me...not one mention of lost love, good companion, etc. He is BROKE. I am NOT;)

I heard whispers that his last crazy gf was trying to lock him down for marriage after dating for a few weeks. She asked him if he would share half her debt from her first marriage.

She was younger, which fed his ego, but she was also a recovering alcoholic, no job, lost the custody of her kids from her first marriage and deeply in debt. She also announced in front of me and our kids (to a dinner she self invited her self to) that she found out from the doctor she "doesn't have anything and can still have more kids".

Fast forward a year and the ex and his family (who were once horrible to me) are speaking to me NICELY, with respect, generosity, kindness, nothing but praise for my hard work as a provider and Mother, etc.

Hearing those things don't fill me full of joy. I do say thank you politely, but I do not take personal stock in them.

I feel like the story of Henny Penny. The hen with three chicks that no one would help her feed. She asked many other barnyard animals for help and kept being told "Not I".So she toiled the soil herself, she grew the wheat herself, and ate the bread with her children.

I wish NO harm to my ex or his family. Im at peace now. But they really don't get how cruel they used to be, and the last thing I want is to be coupled with the ex again.

I was invited to meet with my ex MIL today, who is getting up there in years, but apparently had a huge change of heart with me last year. I have kept my interactions polite but guarded as well. Today she tells me that she is sad the "way things worked out" but that I will always be family. She points to a picture she still has on the wall of the ex and I and our kids when younger.

I admit, it did touch my heart, but at the same time I could see that these folks realized they really screwed up in the past with me. I gave her a hug and thanked her for the kind words, but went home feeling at peace with what Ive made out of life.

It was hard to go thru all that, but they will have to deal with their regrets alone.

It used to be "once upon a time" that I wanted the fantasy of the loving family, to be the dutiful wife, Mother, daughter in law, etc. I worked so HARD to prove my love and devotion to them, and it was never good enough.

Once I became ex Mormon, everyone saw me as the tainted soul and felt not only was it ok to avoid and neglect me, but to abuse me as well. I fought back.

I may be sweet, but I was never meek.

The truth is, that "persecution" made me a pretty amazing woman and they know they aren't going to ever get that close to me again.

Very happy with finding my own happy:)

RMM

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Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: June 03, 2019 04:02AM

......I am so damn glad to be rid of her that I can not even begin to think about anything that might currently be in her whacked out MORmON mind, relative to me or anything else, and I usually mull things over just for the sake of doing it quite a bit ........
IF pressed on the issue, I hope she does NOT think about me at all, after all she (supposedly) has dead babies that she killed and ate to contemplate and to keep her unstable mind busy.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vjc9Gk379wE

FTR, I have NOTHING to do with her at all, or with the former kids that might serve as some sort of linkage to her which I prefer to completely block and avoid. That came about after the MORmON judge insisted on convicting me of violating the protective order over the fact that she came into MY neighborhood. I NEVER went into her new neighborhood. I did not even know where it was. Then, in sentencing, the MORmON judge suggested that I reconcile with her, apparently so the breakage of our temple marriage would not end up as a negative statistical reflection on the stupid disgusting MORmON religion. I have the video. Guess how well that suggestion went for that POS judge.


She said that I was endangering the children because I still had contact with her parents which she attempted to block / cut off -which is text book abuse on her part, She was taking my teen age daughters along with her on her polygamy (sex) flings with David LeBaron (Ervil Le Baron's youngest son) who had family members who had killed other family members, and I was NOT even entitled to express the slightest resentment or objection to that going on.

The crap in the Dead Baby letter comes right out of the Pace report. Google it.


The Pace report went directly to Joseph Smith's utterly POS Book Of MORmON when Glenn Pace needed something to try to back up the outrageous Pace report and to try to legitimize it.


.....Yes, my deal really does go back to Pervert Joseph Smith. Yes, I blame the MORmON church for glorifying their pervert MORmON founder instead of just telling the truth about him. Yes, I know it is a complete joke and a damn lie when Gordon BS Hinckley said that LDS Inc has nothing "whatever" to do with Smith's MORmON polygamy, even as LD$ inc continues to associate with SMith and to laud SMith.

FTR, Hinckley performed a polygamist marriage on MORmON President Hunter in 1990, a hundred years after 1890 that MORmONS love to point to when pressed on the issue of MORmON polygamy. As well, by MORmON convention, the current MORmON PRofit Russell Nelson has more than one wife which makes him a practicing polygamist.

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Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: June 03, 2019 04:19AM

Recovered Molly Mormon Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

>
> She was younger, which fed his ego, but she was
> also a recovering alcoholic, no job, lost the
> custody of her kids from her first marriage and
> deeply in debt. She also announced in front of me
> and our kids (to a dinner she self invited her
> self to) that she found out from the doctor she
> "doesn't have anything and can still have more
> kids".

WHY ? WHY would anyone (you) have anything to do with those people ????

FTR, I will NEVER recover from the rape that MORmONISM perpetuated on me for the sake of maintaining their predatory control and keeping their MORmON insider gravy train MORmON kingDUMB and empire propped up, so I have ZERO tolerance for any new MORmON style propaganda that gets directed my way by them or their MORmON members. I have already paid way too much to MORmONISM, a stifling burden that I will NEVER recover from, for the progress of the predatory MORmON cause.

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Posted by: Recovered Molly Mo ( )
Date: June 06, 2019 10:27PM

I didn't have anything to do with them for almost 10 years. I saw the ex only when I legally had to. About 5 years ago he says to me that we should be friends. I asked him "Why?"

His answer was "It seems like the right thing to do".

I laughed. "The time has passed for you to do the right thing by me. Be a good Dad. Be respectful to me as the Mother of your children. For now the that's the right thing to do. To be decent to each other is enough and I don't need anything more than that."

After that, he asked me the same thing at least a few times a year. I finally shut him down when I told him "I don't see how we can be friends. I LIKE my friends. My friends know me, don't just claim me as a friend, but have my back and support me when I need them. Claiming me as a friend is like a trophy for you. When you learn how to be my friend like that..we can talk. Until then, just be a good Dad and respectful to me as the Mother of your children."

After I met his now psycho ex GF that was trying to push him to the altar. One daughter stated to her Dad/ex in front of me that she had no clue how I stayed so calm and classy about it.

In that moment, I was so proud that my kids got to see me stand tall, proud and with all my self-esteem intact.

The ex, the LDS Church Inc, any psychotic gf or demented family member has NO ownership or hold on me.

I earned that. It was hard and it broke me down to a point that I almost considered ending my life.

I have nothing to do with the Church, but I stood by a promise that as long as my ex was a decent Father he would be a part of their lives. As long as the other family members were good to my kids I was fine.

If that was not the case, they all knew I would go full on Mama Bear and show my claws. I have only had to show that a few times in the last 10 years. They thought that sweet, meek young thing they met years ago with big Molly Mormon doe eyes was going to be pushed around all her life. Hell no.

If they did, they know there would be hell to pay.

The ex knows I was far more gracious to him that he ever deserved. I have proof in it now from rumors amongst others we knows that he regrets things not working out. Well if you put no work into a relationship...you will get nothing out of it.

I was held to the impossible Molly Mo standard to be perfect all the time and always be the fixer and admit I was to blame for any broken or less than favorable thing...and all with a smile on my face. I laugh that I used to be that. My nearest dearest friends can hardly believe I used to be a shy people pleaser.

Yep, I paid my price in full for that past mistake. However, I received two amazing people into my life who grew up to be such kind, loving, intelligent and creative adults. I raised them pretty much on my own and when the ex tells me today that I am a good Mom and did a good job. I proudly say "Yes I did and you are welcome."

I am more than just a survivor of Mormonism. I am now a THRIVER!

RMM

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Posted by: idleswell ( )
Date: June 03, 2019 12:59PM

My ex was relieved when I left because her Mormonism could now be unrestrained. She wouldn't have her "doubting" husband denying her full blessings.

My wife wants her life "guided by the Spirit." Now if the Spirit directs her to "have KFC for lunch" (or whatever), she can!

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Posted by: smirkorama ( )
Date: June 04, 2019 11:35PM

idleswell Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My ex was relieved when I left because her
> Mormonism could now be unrestrained. She wouldn't
> have her "doubting" husband denying her full
> blessings.

The MORmON answer is always at least for THE (MORmON) church to go unfettered on it thieving MORmON way.


> My wife wants her life "guided by the Spirit." Now
> if the Spirit directs her to "have KFC for lunch"
> (or whatever), she can!

IF ONLY she could actually afford such a purchase, a concern that cropped up since she is too broke to do it because she paid her tithing first.

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Posted by: idleswell ( )
Date: June 05, 2019 11:23AM

The Mormon answer is always more Mormonism. A Mormon family life can be very demanding: always pressure to do more, be more Mormon.

A family can cope with the Mormon lifestyle if ---
- if they are highly-organized and disciplined; and,
- if they set limits for what the Church can demand.

My wife couldn't accept either of those premises. She wanted us to be that ward family who did everything. But we were too disorganized to accomplish even the most simple tasks. When even getting to church is a chore, should you accept multiple callings?

Moreover, my wife eschewed all attempts at basic organization. We might have gotten out of the house Sunday mornings with less contention by preparing everything the night before. But my wife saw that as "oppression." She expected to be "guided by the Spirit" about what to do each morning. Never worked as advertised.

My wife wanted to volunteer for everything at Church. She wanted to be the "first and the last." She would be the first to volunteer and later when they are short to volunteer again. We got to the point where I had to stand in ward meetings and decline what my wife had signed us up to do another session of.

My wife wanted marriage counselors to rebuke me for embarrassing her at Church. Their response (even from LDS Family Services), "Don't commit your spouse without consent." My wife said that I should "expect her to be involved in the Church."

Now my ex-wife can do everything in the Church she wants whenever she wants. My only regret is that she now has custody of our 3 grandchildren so they are now living their grandmother's dream.

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Posted by: idleswell ( )
Date: June 05, 2019 11:48AM

Tithing is an interesting concept in a Mormon family. We don't pay tithing with money. When we pay tithing each family must make decisions about what part of their budget goes to tithing.

My wife never lived with a budget. She just spent money "as guided by the Spirit." In other words, she wants to buy what she wants when she wants it.

Our ward included families with the 3rd highest incomes in Canada. My wife expected to have what they had and do what they did. A bishop told me he didn't care what his wife spends. Of course, his income was ~18 times mine. Great if you've got it, I suppose.

Meanwhile, I was trying to be financially responsible. We had an account for annual expenses (such as auto insurance) that I added to each month. My wife felt justified raiding that account for whatever she wanted.

Finally, I laid our budget out for her. We would have categories that would be paid regardless. Then we would pay tithing from discretionary money that was left. If she overspent, then we wouldn't pay tithing.

I only had to call her bluff 2-3 times, but they were significant. My wife once gave our son money (a sum greater than our monthly tithing) to buy drugs (not medicine). She was afraid our son would steal from ward members. We didn't pay tithing that month to her great consternation. But we never had that disagreement again.

My wife would read in pamphlets from a women's rights group that anyone who didn't allow a woman to buy what she wants is oppressive. Therefore, if she can't buy something *now*, she is being "abused." I decided I could not go on with a woman claiming that she is "abused."

Now she has spent her half of our joint savings to live "guided by the Spirit." I pay her spousal support, but never "enough." But at least her finances are her responsibility.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: June 05, 2019 12:17PM

"The Mormon answer is always more Mormonism."

Like the old days when they were still doing blood letting and when the person didn't get better they did more blood letting. Until the person died of course.

Has to be very very hard what you have been through idleswell.

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Posted by: idleswell ( )
Date: June 05, 2019 12:44PM

To the contrary, divorce from both my ex-wife and the Church has been very, very freeing. We each have our own lives and a separate province to live them in.

I have discovered what it is like to be in a relationship where we decide how to resolve whatever issues we have. We don't "call the bishop" to make my husband do what she read in "LDS Living" magazine.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: June 05, 2019 12:28PM

No high road. No low road. You took my favorite road-- the road straight through--I would say, Recovered Molly Mormon. I hope a lot of exMos struggling with similar experience to yours read this. Great illustration of claiming yourself once and for all, and doing that with class, even as hard as it must have been, and with empathy still at the forefront.

Nice to read that kind of story here. Time and perseverence.

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Posted by: Recovered Molly Mo ( )
Date: June 06, 2019 10:35PM

Thank you for such kind words!

I hope to share more stories down the road of what life can look like without Mormonism. Eventually I would like to start dating again. Ive been in a few long term relationships since my TBM marriage.

One relationship I thought was going to work out, but he decided to become a member of a mainstream Christian church. I admired that he wanted to explore his faith, but he very quickly started changing his priorities. Women from his church were chasing him down and he wanted to date other people as well as me to see "Where God was leading him". I bid him farewell. I know how that movie ends. I am not one of those women who NEEDS a man in my life.

Once that became a foundation of my life, I found that I had so much inner strength and lost my fear of not being able to trust men in relationships again. I trust MYSELF. I trust my ability to decide if someone needs to be in my life and I have no problem cutting them out if they don't fit.

RMM

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: June 07, 2019 09:33AM

Gold.

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Posted by: exminion ( )
Date: June 07, 2019 08:03AM

No, but I did have a TBM ex-husband want to come back to me--but only for sex. Yuck! He was even married at the time, to one of the women he had cheated on me with. He lied to me, and lured me to a hotel to "talk about the children." The truth was that he abandoned the children emotionally, as well as financially, and he didn't care about them at all. He didn't even ask how they were doing.

What was most important to him, was that he was having trouble performing with his new wife, and wanted make sure he was all right, sexually. How repulsive! That demonstrated what a narcissistic scum-bag he was/is. I let him know how sickened I was by him, and I threatened to tell his wife and my brothers. I didn't, because I wanted NO involvement with that creep, ever again. That was the last time I ever saw the ex, in the Year 2000.

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Posted by: Recovered Molly Mormon ( )
Date: June 10, 2019 11:24PM

So sorry this happened to you. Good for you for walking away from another narcissist. Narcissists are the sun of their universe and think you should just rotate around them.

Before the end of my marriage, my ex asked for "one for the road" so to speak. I was angry and disgusted, but then I busted up laughing at him. He definitely had this attitude that we would be doing each other a favor.

I told him I was not interested in his philanthropic project.

Years later he blurted out to me that I should have taken the chance when it was offered. (He was angry about something I said no to and was having a clear temper tantrum) He said that no one would ever want me again sexually anyway.

I was so livid that topic came up again and I had a boyfriend at the time. The ex didn't know that. I did not take the high road and blurted out "Well you would be horribly wrong about that. Someone not only LIKES it, but LOVES it as much as he can have".

Which was true. LOL. Good times.

Who I am today would not stoop that low, but after years of rejection for love, kindness and any affection merely because I walked away from Church Inc, to being treated as some sort of sexual vending machine on demand, to sour grapes response...It felt good telling him I was quite happy and making someone else very happy too.


RMM

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