We were invited to the 'cake cutting' part of the reception for a friend of the family. However, when we got there, there was the luncheon part of the reception still going on. We didn't see the bride or groom, so we waited around the area, not wanting to intrude on the other guests. But, after waiting 45 min after the time we were given to show up, we felt like we were invited as an after thought. Esp when you consider we never received a formal invitation, just a text a few days prior. We decided to leave after the 45 min of waiting for the bride and groom to show up. I know weddings don't always run on time, but we thought it very strange to be invited to 'a part of the reception', and just be milling around while the other guests are eating/drinking. Just curious if this is a new thing, or if we are justified in feeling slighted?

This kind of trash is fairly common nowadays. I try to avoid weddings, including my own one, for such reasons.

One aspect of weddings which annoys me is that you are expected to buy expensive gifts, often for people wjo never buy you any such thing. A former schoolfriend invited me to his and got a top of the range barbeque from me (it was off a list the bride and groom provided) and I think I've barely heard from them since.

One of my best friends in HS go married in second year of college; right after the wife graduated HS. I was single and not very wealthy. But I bought them two place settings of their everyday dish pattern and two sets of their everyday silverware pattern. he made the comment to me that this was all they had to eat off of for first 6 months or longer. So I felt good that I actually got them something that they needed and used.

Fast forward five years later when I got married...…. I got a FORK. ONE FORK.

I'm not Miss Manners or otherwise any sort of wedding expert, but your gift far exceeded what i would have anticipated from any wedding guest other than extremely close family. Regarding the gift you receivecd in return, while I try to be grateful for any gift however small, I would have questioned that one a bit as well if it came from one of my peers.

And the split level event seems tacky however I look at it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/25/2019 09:28PM by scmd1.

Honestly, that is what was bugging me while waiting around so long watching everyone else eat/drink and celebrate. We originally agreed upon a $50 gift/check, but last min. before we arrived, hubby said we should do $100. Then after realizing how half-assed the invite was, I just wanted to leave, and not leave our $100 cash gift, feeling that our idea of friendship was not the same as theirs. Maybe that's selfish of me, but $100 is reserved for friends/family I feel close to...if that makes sense.

No, not selfish at all.

I agree. There needs to be some reciprocity, or, at the very least, not the inverse of it.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/25/2019 11:02PM by bewildered.

Sounds rude to me -- and part of a gift grab.

That's extremely rude. If you don't want to treat all your guests to the same hospitality, don't invite two sets.

It will progress to "Come throw rice!"

I hope you didn't bring a present.

How humiliating to to walk into a reception in progress, knowing you weren't "worthy" enough to also be invited to the luncheon portion of the reception. I've never heard of anything so rude.

Was this a Mormon wedding?

No it wasn't a Mormon wedding, but they both grew up Mormon...I believe they were trying to keep the costs down of their wedding since they were paying for it themselves. But, the timing of it all was just off. We shouldn't have been asked to show up while the lunch was still going on, and they were nowhere to be seen for nearly an hour. I just think if you can't afford to include everyone, either plan it better, or don't invite them.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/26/2019 12:43PM by bewildered.

That explains it. If they grew up Mormon they probably thought it a good idea to have different degrees of the reception. You were in one of the lower degrees and only allowed to eat cake. If you were in one of the higher degrees you would have been invited to the luncheon as well.

heartbroken Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> That explains it. If they grew up Mormon they
> probably thought it a good idea to have different
> degrees of the reception. You were in one of the
> lower degrees and only allowed to eat cake. If you
> were in one of the higher degrees you would have
> been invited to the luncheon as well.

Clearly you were only invited to the Terrestrial Reception. :)

>>I just think if you can't afford to include everyone, either plan it better, or don't invite them.

My nephew and his bride had a buffet that was in three stages -- appetizers, the main course and sides, and desserts. That way people could take whatever they liked. If they came in late, there was still plenty of food to be had.

My feeling is that you have the wedding you can afford. If all you can afford is finger food, cake, and a champagne toast, fine. But don't give two-tier "hospitality" to people who are all attending the same event. Better to not be invited than to be treated as lesser than.

That's a horrible way to treat somebody. I bet there were other "guests" they did this to also.

Good for you, to take your money back!

I would like to have the rule, "No formal invitation; no gift." But some people send a formal "announcement" in the mail. All it does is announce the marriage, and there is no mention of any reception or party at all.

I was invited to a Mormon wedding reception in our ward, and the whole ward was invited. It took place at a public park (someone got up at 5:00 to rope off and save the tables), and the invitation said they were making a "money tree" for the newlyweds. Yes, it was a wire contraption on one of the tables, and people were putting green bills all over it. I was looking at it, with my mouth open, when a man smiled and said, "See that 100-dollar bill there--that's from me!" I said, "No, it isn't! I gave that to them!" We had a good laugh. Some wise-guy was going around asking for change for a 50-dollar bill. Because the money was piled up anonymously, the bride got out of having to write thank-you notes. They served RS-made cookies and punch, and no cake.

Yes, the cake-cutting thing was a faux paux, and it was done deliberately. If you weren't good enough to make the A-list, you needn't have bothered dressing up, and wasting your time and gas. I hope you and your spouse went out somewhere nice, instead.

cutting, but then to have you show up at a time everyone was still eating and they weren't present. Do people not have any manners any longer?

That is one of the rudest things I have ever heard of. The way you got the invite was bad enough but to treat someone so shabbily is just beyond words. Friends don't treat friends like that.

I once received a wedding announcement/ reception invitation from back in my mo days. It actually had in print "in lieu of gifts, please give money" or something to that affect. I still think it's one of the tackiest things I've ever seen regarding weddings. Mormons can have the worst manners sometimes.

Well, tonight she texted me saying she missed us at her reception.... I had to explain how we hung around for almost an hour, and didn't see her. Not sure how she will react... I honestly don't think she meant to offend us. I think she may have just forgot to invite us originally, or didn't have space for us, and tried to include us last minute. Talk about awkward though!

I think I might have been tempted to say, "We hung around for an hour while others were finishing their meals and drinks." Would that have gotten through to her?