I'm curious as what happens when a woman/man get divorced/widowed over the age of 45, when all kids went off to college. How does she/he go to church? since the mid singles are capped for 31-45 only.

Many got wise up(goes inactive), but what about the others? Do they go alone, and sit at the back and cry?(it can/can't be..? lol),

If not they what's the situation? Do they cling on with other family members?
How do TSCC handle these poor souls?

They go to church just like everyone else and mingle with the

rest of the ward. They have fun, they have friends , they go to

the outings and god forbid, they probably go to the singles

dances and things. Its not like they're ostracised or anything.

really?
hmm... i would imagine they'd smear the "family" thing all over for someone whose divorced? no?
Don't all the married women get jelly if they husband talk to a divorcee or something?

When I had the calling of co-chairman of the Regional Singles, the singles over 45 were not allowed to go to the age 31-45 dances--except for the men, that is.

Being single was treated like a disease, which must be quickly cured, ASAP. Hence, all the date set-ups. I wish I had the space to describe some of the Mormon men, that my TBM ward "friends" tried to set me up with. Former stake presidents, former bishops, doctors, dentists, attorneys, successful...but immoral, corrupt in their business practices, unfaithful husbands. One was a "flasher". One was single because he had been in prison. One was a pedophile (his relative told me, because I had children.) It didn't seem to matter to these people WHO I ended up with, or if my children and I were thrown to the wolves--I was pushed into finding a replacement Mormon father/husband, so we would "have the priesthood in the home." Nothing else mattered. I thought that when I turned 45, then 50, that the pestering would stop, but it didn't.

Single Mormon women of any age are potential prey for Mormon men. This might be true of singles in general, I don't know. When I got older, Mormon men wanted to marry me, because I could provide them with financial support, and a nice home. A few men told me they wanted to go on a couples mission, and needed a wife for that. One man wanted to marry me because I was "Mormon Royalty", related to a prominent GA. With those Mormon men, LOVE was never even mentioned. I was lucky that I had experienced True Love, when I was younger, and had some (non-Mormon) male friends who were wonderful individuals. I had set the bar high, with those good men. If I had told anyone that, they would have accused me of being too picky. My children and I were happy the way things were--once we left the cult and weren't pestered anymore.

The Mormons will take our tithing, of course. The Mormons used my musical abilities, until I burnt out. I had a teaching certificate, so they used me to teach their Sunday school, and in those days, I could get away with not teaching the lies. They used my computer skills, but I refused to actually work for free, like the cult often requested. I told them I had to be PAID in my career, so I could support my children. A divorced woman was never a RS president. They all took their turn at cleaning the building (at 80-84 years old). There were always older single women in the library, and sometimes giving a RS lesson, and doing the music. I know the older women feel a loss at not having visiting teachers anymore, now.

I was never accepted into the "couples world", and we single women avoided talking to the married men. What Summer wrote is true. The married women kept their husbands away from us. We never had regular home teachers. We would not go on bishop's interviews. One of our bishops had tried on me and my friend, and our married friend, as well. Men like that seemed to think they were irresistible to single women--ugh--we saw them as repulsive, arrogant, phony, and petty.

I'm not kidding--various married Mormon men told me and my single friends that they had us in mind as possible other wives in the hereafter. Some were joking, but some were SERIOUS! For these 75-85-year-old men, those still-attractive 50-year-old women had that purpose in their Mormon world.

To add to the nightmare, the ward widows made it very clear that widows were not in a superior class than the divorced or never-married women. Their superiority was further defined by what Mormon priesthood position or calling that their late husband had held. In our ward, the widows would not sit by the divorcees.

Mormon single women can't go on a regular Mormon mission, but are allowed to go on a "service" mission. My cousin did office work, a widow in our ward went to England to serve as a "housekeeper" for the MP and his wife.

Temple work takes up most of the time of the Mormon older single women I know. They brag about it. They feel that this is their purpose in life, and they like to feel holy. One divorced woman friend says that temple work saved her life, after her divorce. To me, these women seem depressed and--lifeless--and greet you with blank stares and whispery voices. I always think that if they would spend more time with their grandchildren, they would be more enthusiastic about life. A large number of elderly people from our area move to St. George, away from their grandchildren, but close to the temple there. (That's my idea of Hell.)

Our ward has a lot of widows, and their social life takes place outside the church. They go to lunch, on cruises, to book club, to concerts and museums, etc, with each other. My closest ward friends were the other divorced women--all of whom got married, because they felt it would make their life "right" again, and they all ended in divorce, except for one. (The beautiful one is still married--to a man with 8 children to raise.)

I wonder if some of those married Mormon women are jealous of the happier single women, for NOT having a husband to bully them, by having children who support their mother, and help the family make its way in the world. The Mormon kids seemed spoiled and rebellious against their authoritarian parents.

For me, being a single mother has been the ultimate happiness, and I wonder at how hard the Mormons pushed to keep me from living this kind of life.

wow.. I'm glad you are happy now, sans TSCC.

Here's one of my "single woman carrying the plague" stories:

Years ago when my brother was still working, he used to have access to free tickets through his company for pro sporting events, both baseball and football. If he couldn't use these tickets, he would often pass them along to me. The seats were great -- the baseball seats were right behind home plate, and the football seats were on the 45 yard line. The seats would sometimes come in blocks of 4, so I could invite a couple to come along with me. I would use the tickets to spend time with my teacher friends, and also for networking purposes. Teachers benefit from networking just as other professionals do. Most people I knew were glad to get the invite, particularly to the football games where tickets are quite expensive.

I kept inviting my grade-level colleague and her husband to go to a baseball game. He sometimes would come to pick her up at school, so I had already met and chatted with him a few times. I could tell that he really wanted to go, but she kept coming up with excuses until I realized she did not want to go. It finally dawned on me that she did not want her husband spending extended time around me. I was dumbfounded.

It occurred to me that she didn't trust him around other women. And I remember thinking, so why did you marry this man that you can't trust? I took the hint and stopped issuing invitations to her.

In a singles ward, it was bad enough. You get a divorce, even widowed, etc., and you are relegated to the back bench with all the other singles. My aunt was in her 60s. Her husband died at 75. He had been the bishop of the ward at one time and they had lived in that ward for all their married life. She was SHOCKED that all of a sudden she had no standing in the ward at all.

For divorcees, many of the women feel threatened by them, thinking the singles are going to try to take their husbands. I worked in young womens with a divorcee and one of the girls kept telling me that the divorcee was flirting with my husband. I always got a chuckle out of that as it happened quite a few times (given he is gay).

But there is no place for singles in the mormon church no matter what age you are.

After my ex had been gone for a few years, one of the ladies I worked in RS with came by and told me if I'd just get my divorce, then she'd invite me to the older singles activities. My thought was, "Good reason not to get the divorce." I would NEVER have gone back to the lds church as a single AND I wasn't going to subject my kids to being from a divorced family in the lds church.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/24/2019 10:48PM by cl2.

See this is the reply I was sort of expecting, I guess <saucie> comes from a different "zone"?

bcole2 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> See this is the reply I was sort of expecting, I
> guess comes from a different "zone"?



I guess I do. Its not perfect but its alot better than


being single in an extremely Mormon area.

>>For divorcees, many of the women feel threatened by them, thinking the singles are going to try to take their husbands.

This is true even for nevermo women who are older singles. Married women are often very threatened by single women. I've seen women snatch their husbands away from a conversation and scurry away. Sometimes I feel like telling them, you do realize if your husband is going to cheat, it could just as likely be with a married woman as a single woman?

They don't handle them, they don't acknowledge them, they don't try to understand them. It's bad. As an example of how the GA's treat singles or anyone else who's not perfect, just look at Nelsons latest GC talk, "Come Follow Me"... or Else. The whole address he is condemning anyone who has not made temple covenants, he mocks an old man who asked him to have his work done after he's dead, and questions the validity of salvation for the dead. We can all expect to go to Hell with a meager roof over our heads while he and his perfect family will bask in the Celestial Kingdom in Mormon Celestial Mansions. It doesn't matter why or for what reason any of us aren't perfect or don't feel like we fit in.

The Mormon church doesn't care about anyone's feelings, or personal thoughts or problems. It's bad for "poor souls" and singles over 45.

After my wife died they didn't even wait three months before they lined up everyone in a skirt from 18 to 80 and told me to pick one.

When I was "investigating," I was appalled at the apparent disregard for a decent period of mourning after losing a spouse. I grew up believing that mourning was to be observed for at least a year. Seeing Mormons hustle from the funeral of their spouse back into the dating scene within a matter of months was upsetting. When I told the mishies that this struck me as totally wrong, they assured me that "we are not meant to be alone."

(I stayed in touch with "my" mishies for quite a while after joining. The one who baptized me was shocked at his own father's hasty remarriage after the death of the mishie's mom. It was within a matter of months.)

What are they afraid of, with bereaved people? That they will suddenly stampede away from the rest of the herd??

That is the old Mormon trick of if you are allowed to own your own emotions you may stray away from the fold. Stick to the Mormon prescription and Obey... Obey... Obey!!!!

We had two single women who lived together in our ward. I thought they might be lesbians but none of my business what they were up to. They both were professors and very smart and seemed happy. The both were active members of the church. I actually would play tennis with one of them who was a very good player.

I have two cousins who are older single women in the church. They just never married for whatever reason. Funny. It must be a gene because quite a few people on that side of the family never married or got married way later in life.

Now I wonder how were these women treated in the church? sounds like no one cared two women living together there?

And your two cousins? did they ever get pestered by the TSCC to be married off? were they just biting the bullet and won't budge?

Now a widower and 71 I can only imagine the pressure to marry a nice TBM widow were I still a member. The stuff of nightmares!

I can speak from personal experience on this. I got divorced at age 44, a year after my husband came out as a gay man. We had lived in the same ward for 14 years. Almost immediately ward members became distant. I knew they didn't know what to say to me. It was awkward. If any of the men greeted me, their wives seemed to grip their arm tighter, like I was on the prowl for their husbands. I even felt the women (who had claimed me as such a close friend in the past) started avoiding me. I even told one gal, partly in jest that I didn't have anything contagious...she apologized.

All in all, it became very lonely at church and I became more and more inactive. I was mentally leaving the religion anyway and I was SO relieved when my employer allowed me to make a transfer and I moved. I resigned soon after my relocation.

Everything Exminion said. I have been in wards in Virginia, Pennsylvania, Florida and Texas. They are all the same. It is interesting because I was divorced at 34. It was an abusive situation and then was "abused" in the wards. I was never invited to anything. Single women and married women treated me like crap because I might take the men away. I even had a single woman come up to me and say,"you have had your turn and blew it", let us have our turn. I had a RS president call me late at night and ask where her husband was. The list goes on and on. The humiliation, shunning and being useless in the wards left me depressed. I had children, and they were treated less as too. At one point, when my kids were out of the house I thought I might serve a mission. Well, all the missions I was interested in-service and medical were couples only. This was the treatment even in my 50's.

So I wandered over to the Salvation Army and found out they are a denomination. The women and men are equals, if one in in the ministry, so is the other. I can serve in any mission I want no matter if married or not. I have been invited to more fun events than I can name and it makes me want to help others and do more for people. I give to them. I am so happy now, I feel more fulfilled and I feel as if I am making a real difference in people's lives.

There is life after Mormonism. This business of blaming the victim or it is your fault if you are not involved in the ward is garbage. I finally realized I was being emotionally, and spiritually abused just like with my ex husband. So just as I did with him, I divorced the Mormon church.

“I had children, and they were treated less as too.”

Now I know why the other Mormon kids weren’t so nice to me. That is one messed up religion.

As Buffalo Springfield said, “Paranoia strikes deep”.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/27/2019 09:55AM by babyloncansuckit.

It is a matter of physical and emotional segregation to enforce mind control.
The older singles are a danger to the emotional control of the hierarchy



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/27/2019 03:13AM by thedesertrat1.

Mormonism's one true way of doing things has no real slot for single adults, except to get them married.

Only priesthood presided over slots are acceptable.

and given that mormon guys had never taken a great interest in me, although I worked around a bunch of nonmormon guys and dated many of them. Three asked me to marry them. But I had to have a mormon.

I always said I'd never date again UNLESS my boyfriend became available and I didn't think he would as he had been married for a long time, but he is who I wanted. I went inactive when I knew my husband was cheating and I wanted us to fade out without any attention. I didn't want him called as bishop (and the bishop at the time told me he would be one of the next 2 bishops) and so I went inactive. I knew my marriage was going to end and I also DID NOT WANT MY KIDS TREATED THEY WAY KIDS OF SINGLES are treated in mormonism--not just that, how my family was treated in mormonism because my dad wasn't very active. So I took my kids out of the religion at age 8. We had them baptized as we didn't want family asking questions.

People didn't know my husband had left for about 2 years as he was over here a lot.

And I would never have considered dating a mormon guy EVER AGAIN. I planned on always being single. And I'll never marry again either. The joke was on me. I wasn't going there again.

My therapist once said when I was having trouble with my boyfriend that there were other fish in the sea and I said, "That isn't the point. If it ends, it ends. I'm okay with that, but I will NEVER DATE AGAIN." (It wasn't easy getting through his post divorce issues and the long distance relationship for many years, but we made it almost 15 years now).

Poor souls? But I don't even wanna get married.

I used to sit with all of the widows in my ward. They were wonderful ladies. One of them is now 101 and she's amazing. She's always so happy to see me if I attend a get-together. The others are gone, they're in their late 80s or they're in their 90s. I'll always love those ladies.

They went to yard sales, went line dancing, went on trips together, etc. They just hung out together and had fun.