I found this board yesterday and was up until 4am reading with rapt attention.
i was BIC as a fourth generation Mormon. I was raised in the church and attended faithfully all the way through high school going to seminary girls cam doing baptisms for the dad at Portland and Seattle temples and basically doing everything I was told is a good little Mormon girl . 13 I started babysitting for a family who was not Mormon and the woman started asking me questions about my beliefs which eventually led me on a two-year search of reading everything I could read pro and anti-Mormon. I sent many years running away having horrible discord with my family before finally leaving the church at age 18. Unfortunately I still can't get them off my back. every year I get many many visits fRom missionaries and other church members at my door when I've moved they showed up on my door within a few weeks. they send me letters in the mail every month I get cards from visiting teacher. they don't stop they keep visiting coming over and basically making themselves very present in my life. I'm so happy to found this place

Welcome! I've been "lurking" here (reading everything, but not having the courage to post much) for a while now. Your story sounds very familiar, except that you were able to leave much sooner than many of the rest of us. I'm in my late 40's and am only now admitting what I knew all along. Congrats on your exit! But, you must stay strong and establish boundaries - there is NO reason or excuse for harassment, which is absolutely what you're undergoing. You don't need to let people in, you don't need to submit to visits, and you can send back what you get in the mail as "Refused".

Good luck in your future life - you'll find much happiness now!

See introvertedme. It's happening!

thank you! I was very lucky to get out when I did and it's a great idea return the mail instead of opening it and being upset every time and I really think they try to cue me in their messages they send to make me feel like I'm supposed to contact them again I'm so grateful to be here. Thank you

My family sent the church after me for decades through numerous moves. The only thing that finally worked for me was formal resignation, although you may not be ready for that.

You might start keeping a log of contacts. Perhaps you could mail it to the local bishop and ask to be on no-contact status.

At least you now know you're not alone.

Resignation often eliminates or decreases unwanted contact. Keep that option in mind for when you feel ready for it.

So glad the board is helpful to you.

I love the idea of logging all visitors. I'd do it in front of them, asking for their names and titles if you don't know them. Understandably it might be hard because a lot of the people the Morg sends over are usually those you know, sometimes intimately. I was fortunate to move out of state at the same time I left the Morg, which weakened that part of their arsenal.

I hope the hideous aftertaste of the Seattle temple was somewhat relieved by the Portland one.

wow! this is the most support I've ever gotten as an ex. i wondered about resignation but the bishop told me I would have to have a bishops court and be excommunicated.
I'm also afraid my parents would find out and they would be devastated. I have for older brothers and two younger sisters and while only one brother is active, none of us have had our names removed.
I'm actually afraid of what it might provoke in the church and I don't want any trouble from them

You are free to resign at any time. They cannot excommunicate you for resigning, free2bme!

Some of us on the board have chosen to resign and others of us have chosen not to resign (for family or other reasons.) Every case is unique. Do what is best for *you.*

The website below has information about resigning. It is good to be informed even if you do not choose to do this.

http://web.archive.org/web/20040922221830/http://www.mormonnomore.com/

Welcome to Recovery from Mormonism, free2bme. You will learn so much from this board!

It's often pointed out to them when they attend tithing settlement and other times the word is spread through the gossip mill.

You are certainly free to resign WITHOUT a court, however. In fact resigning means they can never hold a court or ex you since they can't fire someone who has already quit.

That Bishop lied to you. Why am I not surprised! Not sure where you are on your journey out, but just remember that when the Bishop threatened you with a Court of Love and Excommunication, he was controlling you. Control is LD$ Inc.'s biggest tactic. I wish you peace and happiness and freedom from harrassment. YOU are in control of your own life!

This board is amazing! It has helped me work out a lot of my neuroses. I love reading people's experiences becasue it helps me feel like less of a freak.
If the cult members still bug you, there is lots of good advice about how to deal with them.

That bishop LIED. You can simply resign and have your name removed without ANY need for excommunication. He's simply trying to intimidate you into staying, which is despicable!

Use this site or one called MormonNoMore - they both tell you how to resign without a bishop's court. It's important that you learn the correct way to go about it and what your rights are.

i don't even know how to express my gratitude in finding this site. i feel better about being an ex than I have ever felt. to know that you all understand is more than I could have ever dreamed of.
i feel so validated and in a sense, more protected than I have in a long time.
thank you for the links about resigning, i will definitely check them out.

I think the most important think for you to realize, is YOU have the power. Not the cult. They only have power if you let them; If you chose to resign, I suggest being very firm, even using a threat of a lawyer. If the local bish wants to speak with you, do it on YOUR terms, not his.

We know how you feel. The group of people on here dont know me but I owe them much for opening my eyes and giving me their support and good courage when I needed it most.

Others are right, that bishop lied.

Read read read! Take in exit stories posted here and the family fallout it caused.
You don't HAVE to resign, but many of us do.
Maybe now is not a good time, but later in the future you want to make that statement. Maybe you never do.

You were trained as a good Mormon girl to respect the penishood authority. It will take time, and a lot of loud laughter and evil speaking of the lard's anointed to retrain your brain. They are just men. You have more balls than all of them because you remained true to yourself, even though it was a hard road.

Have you read the temple ceremonies yet? It is amazing to read the hollow rituals they hold so holy. Can you picture your parents in temple attire?

I started reading in the section about the temple ceremonies. since I left the church before I was eighteen i have not been through for endowments, just lots of proxy baptisms on temple trips. not only did we have the washing and anointing, the actually scrubbed us with a soap sponge, totally naked in the shower first! and the baptismal gowns are totally see thru! i saw my grandpa in his temple garb at his funeral but at first I didn't realize that all temple patrons wear the same thing. through some past research I knew about what went on in the temple more or less. i think the stories of brides treatment in the temple on their wedding day is really sad and astonishing. I think you're right, I need to take some of the seriousness out of it.
like when I was sixteen and tie- dyed a pair of my dad's garments. when I got caught, they burned the garments and I got the beating of a lifetime!

The see-through outfits were used MANY years ago when I was kid, but I thought they'd replaced them with better versions since then.

What were they like besides being quasi-trasparent? Did they let you keep your underwear?

At the SLC temple when I was dunked they were fairly short with such wide legs that the flapped open and could show everything. They didn't let us wear underwear because they said if it had color in the waistband or label, the baptisms would be nullified.

Your experience sounds humiliating. Did the girls complain or just go along with it?

This forum is a great place to vent, ask questions, and, in general, not be judged too harshly. It has been a real help to me too.

we were not allowed to keep our underwear for the same reason. we didn't have pantsuits, it was a gown, that definitely floated up! this was thre early eighties. the shower scrubbing was completely humiliating and harsh! of course none of us complained; we'd been well trained not to. i just remember feeling nervous about the whole process. i felt alone, vulnerable, unsure of myself and basically overwhelmed. it felt like we were a group of automatons, going through these motions that we were unsure about. i remember thinking that everyone seemed to have a glassy looking stare in their eyes, almost like being in a trance...
everything was so big and impressive that it really is a huge break from reality, making me feel like a tiny Little pawn in a game much, much bigger than I knew. I was really insignificant, i felt. just an extra to play a part in this theatre of patriarchal secrecy.

Welcome. I too did baptisms in Seattle and Portland and spent many days driving up and down I-5 in caravans of sleepy adults driving vans full of grumpy and tired youth all in the name of saving our ancestors.

Welcome to the board. Can I ask you where you are from? Maybe I know you. There are a lot of Oregonians on here.

Mormon girls are trained to be modest from the time they're babies until they have to go to the temple where they're expected to throw caution to the wind and let strangers look at them and in your case touch them for no good reason.

I'm sickened and apalled and so sorry that this persersity is still ongoing.

Thankfully, you're here among friends and out of that ugliness.

i am from Oregon but don't feel comfortable saying more.

We meet the 2nd Sunday of the month- 3:00pm @Blitz Ladd (off of SE 11th).

I am wondering what you are meaning by scrubbed down in the shower at the temple? I was at the Portland temple doing baptisms from it's opening until 1990. And I dont remember such a thing.

and do not remember a "scrub down" in the shower. I remember having to wear white but, I think it was a jumpsuit of some sort with a bra with stupid strings to tie. I think I kept my "regular" underwear on. It was so weird and the dunking done so quickly, I don't remember much, except that I didn't want to go back.

Excellent description of "glassy eyes" and "in a trance". That is SO right on! Like The Stepford Wives. You are wise beyond your years. I'm so happy you have seen through the scam.

Whether you resign or are ex'd,,what's the difference,,you'r out. I moved into this TBM neighbor hood,,non mormon,,not married,,didn't ask for any help rebuilding this house. you would not belive the attention I got. After they seen I wouldn't church,,drank and had girlfriends over for the weekend,,it stoped.

The world is large, isn't it? As a Mormon, you're trained to visualize the world as a small, shitty place. It has to be contained within Mormonism, right? The "Gospel" must be larger than the world. And Mormonism is small. And shitty.

That's what you see when you leave Mormonism--a small, worthless thing. And a big world awaits you.