Date: July 30, 2019 04:25AM
The threat of suicide is a very powerful manipulative tool! No, your brother is not at fault in any way, and does not need any Mormon-style "tough love", as Jaxon suggests. This is your brother's mother, who is making the threats--and a mother is a very powerful figure in a person's life.
Your brother needs to learn about suicide. It might take a good therapist to teach him that his mother will off herself if she wants to--and it makes absolutely no difference what your brother does or doesn't do, and no difference what you do or don't do. My ex had several suicides in his family, and the survivors had to go through counseling, but they did get over the guilt and horror, and moved on with their lives.
Don't dwell on the specifics of your mother's threats; rather, deal with your mother's mental illness. Define her as "mentally ill." Figure out what you can "do about Mom and her mental illness." Your mother owns this, and no one else! I pity her poor husband! I'm sure your mother uses this ploy on him, too. I have a sociopath brother who would threaten to kill himself almost daily, to avoid punishment for doing bad things (like beating me up or bullying other kids or defying my parents) or to avoid working ("I'll kill myself if you make me mow the lawn.") He died young, but of lung cancer from smoking, not suicide. He did cause my mother, my siblings and me a lot of grief.
I agree with Heartless.
My son's best friend is an amazing, handsome, successful, nice young man, who's fiancee cancelled their wedding, an hour before. She had always seemed sort of crazy. There wasn't time to tell the guests, so the groom had to stand in front of the temple, and tell everyone that the wedding was off, including some of his family that had flown across the US, to attend his wedding. A week later, his ex-fiancee asked him to take her to dinner to talk, and she told him that she had made a mistake, and wanted to get married, after all. He didn't want to plan another wedding, but offered to date her for a while, and see how things went. She threatened to kill herself if he didn't marry her, and became hysterical, screaming at him, and telling him exactly how she was going to kill herself. He got her out of the restaurant and into his car, but instead of driving her home, he drove her straight to the University Hospital emergency, and called her parents. She spent two weeks in the psych ward. My son's best friend didn't get married until 10 years later, he was so shaken.
Your mother might need to be committed. It might save her life. She needs meds, as severe depression/suicide results from faulty brain chemistry. (It is not due to something someone else does.) First of all, she is not your responsibility or your brother's or your father's. She is her husband's responsibility first, and next, because she has threatened a violent act (even upon herself) she becomes the responsibility of the community, the hospital, or the police.
It is not about your mother. It is not about the cult. Not about the divorce or your father, not about you and your brother.
Focus on saving your brother! He could have a great life with his father. He could go to school, work, do both, go fishing and hiking for a few weeks, get healthy, thrive on the love of good people like you, his sister.
BTW, I don't think he can stand up the the Mormon cult and the MP alone--and there's no shame in that. I am a career woman, and I couldn't stand up to them--I just took my kids and ran, locked the door, called the police when the kids were abused. Mormons have no respect for any woman, that's for sure, and no respect for anyone's rights. You aren't dealing with rational, reasonable human beings--you are dealing with cult members! Call the Embassy, and go through legal channels. No, there's no way you can be polite, and get your brother home, easily, without nasty confrontations and threats. Yes, threaten them right back. I threatened a lawsuit, and also threatened to have my story printed in the media, with names of my Mormon abusers, who were well-known. It worked. The harassment stopped.
Have someone else there with your brother!
I hope your father steps in to at least encourage this, and stand behind your brother, if not more.
Please return and report! Most of us here on RFM have been abused in some way by Mormons, so we love to hear success stories! (((hugs to you for caring about your brother)))