It's been a good long while since I've posted here. What I'm about to say may resonate with some of you, may not make sense to some of you, may offend others, but please just take this as my own personal feelings and experience.

"The Church" took a lot away from me and recovery has been and continues to be hard. Even having been out for 20 years now, growing up in "the church" has permanently affected my ability as an adult to have healthy self esteem, to be able to enjoy sex normally, and to be able to trust the intentions of other people, among many other things. Not a day goes by where my life isn't negatively affected by having grown up Mormon.

And yet, in spite of all of that, it is still my heritage. It may not be the heritage I would have asked for, but it is still my heritage and a permanent part of who I am. I grew up sort of at the tail end of when being Mormon was unique and interesting, when we still talked freely in Seminary and Institute classes about the "deep doctrines", and when it felt like being a Mormon was like being a part of an exclusive club or something. Even though I realized later what a sham it all was and left, being a Mormon defined my formative years, and my memories of growing up revolve around it. It was who I was, and is permanently a part of who I am.

Except.... now.... they're trying to take that away from me too....

"You never grew up Mormon, that word is BAD!"

"The Mormon Tabernacle Choir that you loved listening to, and still do sometimes, don't you dare call them that, they're just the Random Nameless Choir at Temple Square"

"Those 'deep doctrines' you spent hours studying and defending? We never taught that, don't go spreading lies about us"

"All those hours you spent with your seminary and institute classmates, you all were just discussing those vicious lies that we never taught, especially not in 'Mormon Doctrine'"

"We're just another random Christian sect, we just basically teach the Bible, you were never part of some special club"


I don't know if this makes sense to anyone. But it's really been weighing on me lately. It's like for all of the damage "the church" did to me, at least I was finally coming to terms with my past, and what it did to me, and how it made me who I am.... Only now to be told that my past wasn't actually my past, and that it was basically all made up and for naught.

but with no class, and even less fun

I can sympathize and empathize with you, mobegone. I was in that organization for over 50 years and it’s not easy to get the heritage and memories out of your head. IMO, this organization is two things: a business and a cult. Brainwashing and gaslighting are their specialties. The good thing about being involved in it and now out of it is that it is so easy to figure out if someone is straight up or not. My BS meter has become a fine tuned machine. I’m hoping that I can get one of my family members to wake up as to what this organization in sheeps’ clothing is really all about.

I still have a primal reaction regarding sexual relations that I will probably never lose, which results in me proposing to Saucie every Friday, around sundown...

After announcing to mormon ghawd that he doesn't exist (for which I offer no apology), I spent at a decade castigating myself, thusly:


"EOD, you dummy! You're having sex with a woman who isn't your wife! You better marry her! And be sure, when you're done, to let her know that you'll make things right!! That way she'll know that you're a nice guy."

I think that there are women out there who think trying to get engaged (without a ring) after having sex on the first date is abnormal. The hussies!

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I still have a primal reaction regarding sexual
> relations that I will probably never lose, which
> results in me proposing to Saucie every Friday,
> around sundown...
>
> After announcing to mormon ghawd that he doesn't
> exist (for which I offer no apology), I spent at a
> decade castigating myself, thusly:
>
>
> "EOD, you dummy! You're having sex with a woman
> who isn't your wife! You better marry her! And be
> sure, when you're done, to let her know that
> you'll make things right!! That way she'll know
> that you're a nice guy."
>
> I think that there are women out there who think
> trying to get engaged (without a ring) after
> having sex on the first date is abnormal. The
> hussies!

Those women don't have a clue about what they might be missing. I hope they're not though.

Hah!

I wish I had an exact quote, but I was reading about PTSD, and the psychiatrist said, "To deny the experiences of a PTSD patient is like making him suffer all over again."

This is what is happening to us. The cult denies that it ever treated Blacks differently, and it denies that our primary and Sunday school teachers taught us that Blacks were inferior souls. It denies that they taught us that the Catholic Church was the evil "Great and Abominable Church". Luckily, I was able to overcome my prejudices against Catholics and Blacks--but it did take a bit of work, at first! Realizing that these prejudices are WRONG, was a big help. Paying attention to my own heart helped me, too. I felt horrible, inside, when I had bad thoughts towards others, and Mormonism was trying to teach me to hate: Blacks, Catholics, Atheists, Apostates, drinkers, smokers, people with tattoos, promiscuous people, people who couldn't afford tithing, people who disobeyed the Mormon rules, and, even hate myself when I wasn't perfect enough.

Once I understood that this brainwashing was destructive and anti-love and anti-christian, I studied, got to know people of different cultures, tried to understand them, appreciated their unique life experiences, etc. I'm so ashamed of the racism and hatred of my parents, and of my religion, that I will probably never get over the shame of it. I was teased in high school for being a Mormon, and my ancestors were among those first polygamous neighbors of JS.

The best you can do is work to correct those wrong beliefs, those bad attitudes, and the idiotic superstitions that have been brainwashed into you, and move forward with your life. Maybe, even if the Mormon Cult were still intact today, no one could ever fully understand what your Mormon life was like.

I find it best for me to not mention my cult past, at all. Oh, I'll warn people, and answer questions, and try to help present-day victims--but I don't like to re-live past details.

Maybe it would be helpful for you to write down your past experiences, so the FACTS about the cult will be recorded. I would recommend that you write and publish your exit story here on RFM, in that section.

Yes--all of what you endured was REAL! The Mormon cult is gas-lighting all of us.

I have the most problems with the on-going Mormon scam, in the present--how it is ruining my family relationships, making my Mormon grandchildren less happy, and less confident--especially the females. It's an unnecessary time-waster, and a downer. I resent how it robs people of their money and builds expensive, useless temples and malls. I dislike the arrogance and entitelment the Mormons feel, when they express their superiority, and act like the laws don't apply to them.

Most of all, I hate how they get away with child abuse and spousal abuse. If you hope to ever see retribution, or apologies, or "owning up" to wrong-doing--the Mormon cult will never do that--never.

Therapy helped me move on from my past Mormon horrors (which were extreme), I highly recommend it, with a non-Mormon therapist, of course.

I'm still stuck with low self-esteem and shame for my past stupidity. I also feel guilty for having my children baptized Mormons, though we all resigned together. The cult still has a stranglehold on one of my children, and I take the blame for that.

I would be GLAD if the terrible Mormon cult disappears altogether! This is a heritage you don't want to hang onto! Let it go, and keep on moving forward!

IMO, the Mormon "church" has already ceased to exist. It's nothing but a real estate and business holding company, bleeding its few members of their money and free labor.

Would it be easier for you to think about the fact that Mormonism never had anything to do with God or Christ in the first place?

Create your OWN "heritage", for your progeny, moving forward! I have kept most of our "family traditions" that were positive, uplifting and bonding. If you deconstruct these, you will realize the these had nothing to do with Mormonism, whatsoever! All the holiday traditions (Mormons don't have Christmas service or an Easter about Christ, no Halloween, Thanksgiving or July Fourth, etc). Weekend barbecues, family camping and hikes, skiing, hobbies, pets, whatever you love about life--enjoy them in the present moment. Mormonism puffs itself up to be more important that it really is.

It's institutionalized gaslighting.

'free range' gaslighting is so much healthier for you!

But they can't take away my heritage. My parents and grandparents and my siblings, what we experienced. Maybe that is one of the reasons I still come here--those people who understand what it was like to grow up mormon. They can try to take "mormon" away from us, but I don't think no matter how hard they try that they will ever be able to take it away at least from me.

P.S. I'm not sure if I'm a hussie or not. Trying to figure it out.