I hope that this okay for me to post here, even if I was never affiliated or with the LDS church in any way. (If it is not, feel free to delete my post)
I live in a semi-small community near the border of Nevada and Arizona that is very much predominantly LDS. (If I had to guess, my town is probably 95% LDS) We have two elementary schools, one middle school, and one high school.
I moved to the town my sophomore year of high school from Las Vegas, where my high school was very diverse to the one in my current town where pretty much every student but me is LDS.
I have noticed that when the people of the town began to realize that my family was non-LDS and had no intention of converting to it, no one wanted to talk to me or be my friend. At my old school no one cared whether you were black, white, Asian; or any religion under the sun. Everyone was friends with everyone.
Then, flip to now where I live in a predominately LDS community where students don't want anything to do with you if you are not 'one with the church.'
I have now lived in this community for 3 years, and I still have no friends who ask to hang out with me. I have tried so hard to make friends and talk with people, and no one seems interested. I just don't understand how I can't make any friends at this school, but at my last school, I had a lot of friends.
It has begun to make me very self-conscious of myself, and my social anxiety had really spiked since moving here. I feel very lonely and forgotten in this town, as everyone has their own little 'Mormon cliques' and I am left at home alone watching a movie every Friday night with no friends to hang out with. I feel like such a lonely loser for my age and it has begun to have a toll on my personal health.
I guess what I am really trying to ask is; has this happened to others of you who aren't members of the LDS church living in Mormon communities? Did you feel ostracized and forgotten because you were not 'one of them?'
Thanks for any feedback. I really appreciate it! =)

There really is only one city/area you can be talking about, which if I'm correct means I know what town you live in and what town you attend school in. So my response, unilluminating as it is, is based on this assumption.

Yeah, 95% mormon sounds about right. And then 'small town' mentalities on top of that! You're totally screwed.

The town where your high school (if I've guessed correctly) has a huge 'retired' population, which doesn't do you a bit of good. They don't have kids there and your chance of interacting with them is nil. But there are a lot of nonmormons... And what about the Native American population...?

The mormons there in 'mormon'ville aren't going to change. They probably enjoy 'punishing' you for being a nonmormon.

I'd concentrate on getting a job if your parents will let you, which because you're a senior in high school, ought not to be a problem. Get busy, stay busy, finish out this final year of high school and then get the heck out of Dodge!

Maybe try finding a bulletin board (life RfM) where you can fit in. You're obviously good at communicating. Reach out, stretch yourself intellectually, but always keep your ID private.

The only reason you're aware of mormons is because you're amongst them and you're getting mistreated. Take it as an object lesson, learn from it and when you are able, move on.

This happens all the time, with Mormons—yes—this is very real. You are not imagining it. You are not over-reacting. This is not about you. It is about them. You seem like an awesome person, and it is their loss, that they don’t know you.

I was born a Mormon, and my parents didn’t want me to play with “non-Mormons,” but I lived in a town with very few Mormons. I was not allowed to date non-Mormon boys. The Mormons and my Mormon parents taught me that drinkers were bad people, and that dark-skinned races were inferior and full of problems. Racism is learned.

While Mormons think they are better-than-everyone, Mormon females are taught that women are inferior second-class citizens. Mormons still believe in polygamy in the hereafter! This is a cult you should be glad you don’t belong to!

Many ex-Mormons on this site have been snubbed and “shunned” and even dis-owned and dis-inherited and even divorced, when they left the Mormon cult. Most of my Mormon former friends don’t even speak to me, when I see them on the street. Mormon friendships are often fake to begin with,which you have found out for yourself. They want to convert you, and when you say no, they move on to their next recruit.

My dear little kkat—I can’t think of anything you can do to change this Mormon rudeness. I’m proud of you for not letting these cult-members rob you of your self-esteem completely.

Just facing the reality of your situation makes you strong. Take charge! Don’t let the Mormons stop you from doing what you want to do! For example, join a soccer team, and people will will play soccer with you. Sing in the school choir, or whaatever else you like to do. Afterwards, when they gather in their exclusive groups, you can go home and study. Study hard, and plan for your escape from that town, to a nice university!

You have your family, and that’s the most important thing. You have teachers—teachers are usually great people, who are on your side. You can call, text, Tweet, and FaceTime your friends in Vegas, and visit there on vacations, if possible.

Many things that high-schoolers do are “solitary pursuits.” Studying is something people do alone. Reading. Practicing a musical instrument—alone. Most joggers and bicyclists you see are by themselves, right? Get a dog and take him for walks. Some people love their pets more than people-LOL.

Your
Wanting to reach out to others is a GOOD quality in you, so please don’t let rude people discourage that! My cousin was in a lonely situation like yours, and he volunteered to work with children. Kids are naturally friendly, until they are brainwashed. You could get a job that requires interaction with others. When you need advice, read
Books written by experts. If you need to talk, go online, and return and report here.

We understand , and are here for you. Welcome to RFM :-)

You seem bright, and you will figure out ways to cope

Because their parents tell them not to. Parents are afraid that your non-mormon attributes (tolerance of others, actual thinking ability) may rub off on their own precious and pure children. Mormons are taught to be scared of the outside world, and are strongly encouraged only to associate with other mormons as much as possible.

Besides, mormon "friendships" are extremely shallow and last only as long as they see each other at church. What you don't see (because it's hugely important to mormons to be seen by outsiders as perfect) is just how badly they treat each other when someone slips up from living the perfect mormon life.

Mormonism is a sick, toxic cesspool of self-righteous arrogance and clownish beliefs. Although it doesn't seem so, you're not missing a whole lot without mormon so-called friends.

perhaps try to get more involved in the after school clubs your school offers. Football and cheer leading is big this time of year especially in small towns. Or look into the performing arts, and there is mesa club, if your a girl who likes math or science.

As 'outta the cult' said, the reason is fear. They literally have this ridiculous fear that your non-Mormonism will rub off on them somehow.

I don't know if deep-down they realize that what they believe is silly, or what. But they're afraid of your influence.

The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one. They protect their own from the evil influence of outsiders.

Welcome and nice to meet you. As others have said, there is nothing wrong with you, it is mormonism that is the problem. By the time the mormon kids reach high school indoctrination has taught them well to stick with mormons when they make friends because they are god's chosen and others, well definitely not.

However, I wouldn't be surprised that as you do your own things that bring you happiness, some kids, inspite of their upbringing, will want to hang out with you. This may be just at school so they can keep it from their parents, but may go further.

Best of luck!

Welcome, Kkat! Non-Mormons are welcome to post here. I'm a nevermo and I've been here about a dozen years. Feel free to stick around!

My high school was much like your previous high school. Everyone was friends with everyone else and no one cared about your religion. Unfortunately Mormonism is not like that. The Mormons are a very clannish people who often do not wish to affiliate with outsiders. It's not you, it's them. Mormonism is a high-control faith similar to the JWs. It is not like most other mainstream Christian churches. Mormon parents often do not want their children and teens associating with outsiders. They think that outsiders live wild lives full of sex, drugs, and debauchery. lol They are not willing to judge people on their own merits. They are only interested in you if they can convert you. And this is not a religion to which you would wish to convert.

I'm sorry that you have not had a good high school experience. But you can have a very good college experience in not too long a period of time. As for now, you might try asking your high school teachers or guidance counselor about who the non-Mormon kids are. There are bound to be a few others in your high school who feel as isolated as you do. And I echo Exminion's suggestion to possibly consider an after school job or activity.

Try to get out and about on Sundays when the Mormons are in church. You will see who the other nevermos and exmos are. And do keep your chin up. Know that you are in no way to blame for this ridiculous situation. Keep checking in if you wish. We would love to know how you are doing!

Hi kkat, I agree with the excellent remarks that have already been made. It’s not you, it’s them. That realization was mind blowing for me as I studied my way out of Mormonism because you’re taught that if you “fall away” it really is you.

There is life after high school, and it’s even better. Harder, but better. You could treat not having a social life as a tactical advantage. Buckle down on the studying and try to get really good grades. Colleges are funny about that. You could work your way into a scholarship.

I have nothing to do with anyone who was "my friend" in high school. Mormons have very shallow friendships anyway. My family was never very well accepted and the girls in my ward would include me when they felt like it. I despise them now. I can't believe I tolerated that treatment. I also had very, very low self-esteem.

After high school, I went to work at a big company as a secretary. I even worked with mormon men. Some of them were great people and treated me really well. I also met a lot of nonmormons and I am now in a relationship the one I dated at 20 and I'm 62. We've been back together 15 years. Like others have said, just get through your senior year and then get out of there. Just in the last few days I've been thinking about how horrible I felt about myself in high school and how that all changed once I got out into the world. Life out of high school anywhere is so much better than high school.

My kids were not active mormon in high school. My son is the one who took the brunt of it. He dressed goth to keep the mormons from bugging him. They were actually afraid of him. If you met him, you'd wonder why. There were other goth kids, so he did have some others to hang around with, but he was in a HUGE high school. If we could have, he would have done on-line school, but they didn't have it then.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/24/2019 09:51AM by cl2.

Be grateful you escaped the Clark County School District. You will be better off in Beaver Dam with a swarm of Mormons than the failed schools in Las Vegas.

Going from a larger urban school to a small school (even without the Mormon thing) would be hard. Smaller schools in smaller towns, everyone already knows each other, THEY (not you) feel no need to include others. Even if they were all Catholic, you might have issues getting to know people. It is THEM.

Study hard, and get into a good school and go make your way. I can honestly say I hated high school. The only people I knew in high school I still consider to be friends are 3 people I have known since kindergarten. The people I am close to are the ones I met at the University.

One more year and you can wave goodbye.

Also, consider how the you of a few years from now will look upon the you and your high school associates of today. More likely than not it will be “gosh, what a bunch of clueless punks”.

There’s nothing like a fully formed frontal cortex, which is still ahead of you. It’s a great time to be alive. Just roll with it.

Makes me sick to hear this because it is not you, it's them:

"It has begun to make me very self-conscious of myself, and my social anxiety had really spiked since moving here. I feel very lonely and forgotten in this town . . ."

I Was raised in a 99% Mormon valley in Utah in the fifties and sixties. We had a catholic kid move into our school when I was in sixth grade and he may have well had two heads for the way he was accepted. I wish I could go back and be his friend although that may not have meant much as I didn't have any friends either.

This is a tide you cannot turn, a sea you cannot part. And I don't care what anybody says, even Moses didn't do that.

Seriously. This is not a healthy environment. Mormons have a super arrogance combined with ignorance which makes them fearful of that which they consider themselves above. I've never seen anything like it. Their attitude doesn't even make sense.

My life has been the opposite of yours. I went from All-Mormon-All-the-Time to living in SoCal where there is a big wonderful mix and even I have friends now. Real ones.

You have a long big life ahead of you. Appreciate that you got to see one of the worst segments of society. This experience has increased your "Wisdom Score" as painful as it may be. This bit of life will serve you later.

When you can, try to find the humor in it. The funny side is there. Gather some good stories for when you want to entertain at parties later in life when you are back with your own people.

Best to you and hang out here all you want.

Thanks for your post kkat. You’ll always be welcome here. Reading this from a never-mormon is very validating for exmormons like me.

I totally agree with all the excellent replies above. I have to add my own bit because of how strongly I feel.

Please know that in spite of this horrid experience, that although you are being made to feel otherwise, you are actually the lucky one to not be a mormon. I think that once you go to university and get a job, you should get the hell out of there. Once you are in a normal part of the world, you will again experience what you had in your previous school. Go where mormons are a minority and all of this will eventually seem like a bad dream. It’s not forever, and you can look forward to the rest of your life without mormons!! Don’t get sucked into their way of seeing the world (and how they might see you). They are very much blinkered in their views; pay no attention to it - it’s all completely absurd.

I grew up non-mormon and I’m in the UK where they are very much a minority. However at the age of 19 I converted and joined the mormon church, I was in it for nearly 12 years. I converted my brother and he and his family are all mormon. The mormon cult has almost completely ruined our already-dysfunctional family. Not only do mormons shun non mormons and ex mormon friends, they do it to their own family members too. You are not alone. I second the motion to find the other 5% of non mormons; they will likely be experiencing what you are and be grateful to know you. Coming to this forum has really helped me and is a testament to that.

I also had a bad experience in high school; I was shunned and somewhat bullied too. I literally have NO friends from school. But elsewhere I have found good friends.
Life is also so much more enjoyable without cult members. Please know that once you get away you will be amazed at how normal other people are in comparison. And occasionally the odd mormon will surprise you; my best friend is mormon, even though nearly every other mormon I once knew is totally toxic.

I have also learnt to not hide who I am, even when in the minority. I’ve noticed that although this pushes a lot of people away, it also attracts the right people to me as well. I quite enjoy annoying the sanctimonious, judgmental types nowadays. It just shows them up for who they are.

It is also true that mormons feel they have to present an image of perfection to everyone else (and each other). This is actually a HUGE understatement. They are not without problems. They judge each other and friendships are often rather fake. I was deeply unhappy as a mormon and unaware at how unhealthy and narrow my thinking was. They are brainwashed. Their whole lives revolve around a thousand different rules. The best thing you can do for you (and them) is to take a stand and be authentic. It’s hard when you’re a minority, I know, but the great thing about being young is discovering who you are. You have somewhat the advantage here because you are free!! I understand what you’re going through, but don’t let them get you down. Avoid going down the rabbit hole of thinking about how they think and why they think it; it’s pure craziness. It’s better to go your own way and forget them.

BE GRATEFUL YOU ARE NOT MORMON

and get the hell out of there as soon as you have the opportunity. You have so much to look forward to.

Hello everyone. I just want to say thank you so much for sharing your stories and wisdom with me. I do feel better reading that it really isn't me. Lol. Thank you all for being so welcoming and friendly.(I have not experienced that in a while! =)) i should have been more clear where I am living though! I still live in Nevada in Clark County (unfortunately!) I actually live in the Moapa Valley which is about 45-55 minutes away from the Arizona border. But anyway, thank you all so much for the kind words and encouragement to get the heck outta here! I will definitely be visiting this site more often! =)

Geez! Moapa Valley can't be worse then Bunkerville, which is what I'd guessed.

I looked up your school and your Principal has a way mormon name!

I grew up in Las Vegas, in the 50s & 60s and one of the things my family did was visit Moapa Valley with great frequency in the summers, to BBQ at the smaller of the two warm springs facilities that existed then.

I just checked to see what became of them and found that what was probably the larger of the two facilities is mormon!! They rebuilt and 'rededicated' the facility the church has owned for years. It all sounded wonderful until I got to this paragraph:

"Of course, there are fees to reserve the facilities for groups. The areas are reserved in time, morning and evening time block. To reserve a pool/pavilion area for a group in one of these time blocks, the cost is $250. To book one of the fields for camping, an additional cost of $100 is added. The entire facility can be reserved for $700."

https://mvprogress.com/2017/06/28/just-in-time-for-summer-lds-warm-springs-facility-opens-for-group-activities/


There wasn't any mention of a discount of Temple Recommend holders...

Ah, yes. The Mormon side of Warm Springs. I have heard that they actually don't really like letting people into the springs if they don't have the "temple recommend. " I myself never go because I didn't see a point in going if they would just turn me away all because of a stupid little card. Lol. It is nice to know that someone else knows the area I'm living in.

Thank you so much for contributing and sharing your thoughts, I really appreciate it.

I also think that the article doesn't share a discount for card holders because it really is like their version of a mormon only VIP club. (Whatever makes them feel special I guess! Lol)

UNLV! :) -- or wherever you wish to go. I have to say (as a teacher) that your writing is fabulous, so I have complete faith in your ability to get into a good college and to have a happy future. I liked my (very accepting) high school, but I LOVED college. If you can live in a dorm, so much the better. That is where I met my lifelong friends.

I went to the University of Colorado at Boulder for my undergraduate days. I can't even begin to tell you how much I loved that school. I liked Colorado so well that I spent a total of eight years living there.

You have a lot to look forward to! You will get out of Mormonville before you know it. Hang tight! Use this time to get the best possible grades and to look over colleges and polish off your applications. Even if you have to start off at a community college, I think you will enjoy it. College is a great time to make a new start. :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/24/2019 07:23PM by summer.

Thank you so much for your kind words.
I am definitely planning on going out of state for college. I have been accepted to Montana State University in their animal science program. I have committed to go there! =) I am excited to not be in such a toxic, mind numbing environment!

Thank you so much for sharing your encouragement and advice it means a ton to me! =)

Animal science...

How come we don't hear about the really good animal humanities programs?

Because dogs have a leg up on science and cats are only interested in the humanities when there’s food or a warm lap.

That sounds great, Kkat! Get your dorm application in early so that you (hopefully) get your pick.

I am so sorry about where you have to live for now.

Just KNOW this: The shunning you are experiencing has NOTHING to do with you. Nothing at all. It doesn't mean you're a bad person.

It does mean you are stuck in a town with brainwashed people who are in a cult. THEY are the ones with the problem, NOT YOU.

Are your parents Mormon? Do they realize what's going on? Are there any non Mormons? IT sounds like you're on the fast track out of there. Good for you.

Everyday put one foot in front of the other until you're exactly where you want and need to be.

Come to this site for support and encouragement, we have no problem doing our best to help you move forward and find the perfect spot on this big blue ball that's just for you.

One thing that really helped me in a time like this was to draw and collage pictures into a photo kind of journal. It's just for you, so no art degree required. Its just fun and cuts the stress. a great stress reliever. Lots of info online how to journal that way. Have some fun.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/25/2019 02:56AM by Mia.

Happy to hear about your plans to go to Montana State University, kkat!

You will make it! Answer your door to the trick-or-treaters on Halloween, enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with your family, have a merry Christmas and a happy New Year, Easter, and Spring Break, and start packing your bags for Montana! Go there in the summer, to settle in ahead of time.

I wouldn't be surprised if your family follows you to Montana!

One thing that nobody has pointed out is that many of today’s young Mormons don’t buy into their religion. Not that it makes much difference when it comes to pressure from their Mormon peers. The non-believers are too chicken to “out” themselves. It could be that belief has little to do with today’s Mormon culture and that it’s become all about the rules. The foundation is rotting and rules are the duct tape holding it together.

The only thing keeping many kids in the church is the fact that they live at home or their parents have money. When that changes, the rules will fall by the wayside.

So on their end, the situation is brighter than you would suppose. Many will escape this psychologically abusive and mentally harmful cult. If they were smart, they would try to get to know non-Mormons just to see how a normal mind works.

"I have now lived in this community for 3 years, and I still have no friends who ask to hang out with me. I have tried so hard to make friends and talk with people, and no one seems interested."

Go to college if you can. You are college age now..

Yes, my guardian doorstop messaged me that you should try to get into a good college, not near an ocean, and major in something to do with fur!

Because they have nothing in common