In exchange for members in positions of authority to stop sexually abusing children, masturbation will now be allowed.

Apostles are still awaiting a sign from God re: pornography.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/04/2019 10:35AM by auntsukey.

Revelation or change of policy?

Nelson at General Conference:

"Now, please listen carefully and reverently. Masturbation for worthy priesthood holders is now allowed. May I suggest that you simply bow your head with a silent prayer of gratitude in your heart. We do not want any verbal outbursts to detract from the sacred nature of this revelation and your little factories."

No word on women and the Big O, however.

I'd give ANYTHING to be a fly on the wall at the next RS meeting when this is discussed...

Hopefully the RS president wouldn't let this get out of hand.

Sex toys are against the WoW.

just EXACTLY why do you know this, Dave....

when not used in moderation.

Rusty, upon receiving the pen light revelation, gleefully tells Wendy, "Wendy...guess what? Jesus has now approved M for worthy Penisholders..isn't that nice of Jesus?"

Wendy: Meh..it's a little hard to swallow to be honest.

What if your masturbation fantasy involves temple work?

That's okay, right?

So you have to have a M recommend. Do you talk to your bishop to get one?

ONLY if you're otherwise 'worthy'...

Sorry if I'm being naïve. Is this a joke or is it actually a new policy?

News flash. Mormons and top Mormons have always masturbated. The top church leaders are so stupid if they think their temple goers do not masturbate.

I wonder if all those times I confessed to this awful sin, the bishop was in fact just as “guilty”? Of course, if not, it’s because to be a bishop you have to be married, right? Seriously, these men who honestly don’t masturbate would have no chance in hell of abstaining should they be single. Yet they drag single people over the coals for something perfectly normal. Evil.

I know this thread is a joke but the hypocrisy winds me up.
It would actually be healthy if it were a commandment to do it; probably a lot of so called sins like pornography etc would diminish rapidly. The Mormons create most of the problem by guilt tripping people for being human.

rather than the tscc's troubling tendency to turn a blind eye to the recent flood of reports of child sexual abuse.

Wouldn't it stand to reason that more masturbating would mean less sex abuse? Or do I not understand the dynamic at work?