I spotted a couple of Mormon missionaries at Carl's Jr Saturday night. They were sharing a bag of fries. As I walked out, one of them asked me if I knew much about Mormons. I shared that I knew too much. "What do you like about them?" he asked, as my burger-to-go grew colder. "They claim to know God, but really are actually quite clueless."

He said, "Tell me one thing we Mormons don't know about God. We know quite a bit about Him."

I asked him, "Has God ever driven a car?"

He looked at his companion, and admitted, "I don't know."

I continued, "If God owned a car, ever, what model would it be?"

Again, "I don't know."

Well, I could tell you a million things that you don't know about God, yet you devote your most dynamic years to leaving home, school, work and girlfriends to teach stuff you actually have no idea about. You're just repeating what you were taught as a child."

"That's true."

I then asked him, "Have you ever heard of the CES Letter?"

He had heard of it, but hadn't read it.

Shouldn't you confirm that the Corporation you serve for free isn't an elegant cult?"

A sweet lady, who had overheard the entire conversation came over, touched my arm, and asked me to leave these fine men alone.

Mindful of my cooling burger, which I had paid too much for, I smiled and went on my way.

But not before I turned and said, "CES Letter. Read it and go back home."

There were probably 14 Mormons in the place. Maybe more than one will Google it, and have heir life changed, for the better.

The burger was still good, though just barely warm still.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/autos/enthusiasts/the-most-popular-car-the-year-you-were-born/ss-AAJjFl3?ocid=spartandhp#image=3

They "know" as much as you or anyone else knows about gods.

Everyone makes up things about a god to validate their own views. They convince themselves that is "knowledge" about god. The less creative ones parrott a McReligious version of a god that someone else made up.

which God.

Mormon God is different from JW God.

Mormon God and JW God are different from Catholic God.

Mormon God, JW God and Catholic God are different from Baptist God.

Mormon God, JW God, Catholic God and Baptist God are different from Muslim God.

All those Gods are different from Jewish God.

All those Gods are different from the Shinto Gods

+++++

But what they all have in common is that the believers/followers of each are always fuzzy on the details about their god of choice. They know that they have to obey. They're just often not sure what exactly it is that they have to obey because none of these gods can ever be bothered to put in an appearance and speak directly to their followers. Instead it's usually one guy or a bunch of guys (sometimes gals) who claim that they can speak for the god in question. But that arrangement always leaves a lot to be desired and followers often become suspicious when they catch on to the fact that the guys (who give themselves special titles) speaking for the god often seem to be giving instructions that benefit themselves at the expense of everyone else, leading some people to wonder if they might not just be faking the whole "I speak for god" thing.

"He said, 'Tell me one thing we Mormons don't know about God. We know quite a bit about Him.'"


"God is a resurrected, perfected man. That means he has a dick, right?"
"How long is it? Can he lengthen it at will?"
"Does he use it? For the same purposes you and I use ours?"
"Does he ever leave the toilet seat up after he finishes? Does heavenly mother get mad?"
"Does he poop or fart? If not, then does he even have an anus?"
"Does he have nipples? Nipples are designed for breastfeeding so why? For that matter, why do men have nipples?"

And so on…

Thank you. This has triggered an epiphany for me! I'd never realized before that there were specifically mormon questions you could ask about god. But "Does god have nipples?" shows that there are. This may be one of mormonism's major contributions tio the extension of the accepted scope of theology ;-)

Tom in Paris



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/27/2019 03:28PM by Soft Machine.

My list:

When was God invented? By whom and why? When did the idea of a single overarching God of all the universe replace the older concept of a god as your personal private spiritual mascot?

Or: under the guidance of God, how many girls did Joseph Smith get it on with? How come you are not allowed to do the same? What makes him so special?

And so on.

In my view, we know everything there is to know about our god/gods, because we're their creators and there are many of them.

Mormonism is like a very expensive fantasy football league.

My list:
How many wives did Joseph Smith have who were really married to his followers?
And would your Dad be cool with letting Rusty Nelson have his way with your Mom?
If so you are a son of a cuck who sings the praises of a rapist.
What about you?
Would you let Rusty Nelson abuse his power over you to rape your wife or teenage daughter, without consequences?
If so, you are just as bad as a rapist.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/27/2019 02:46PM by schrodingerscat.

Wow! Just wow. You seem to have very little empathy for people caught in cults.

I know almost nothing about he/she/it....and that is just fine with me...the aforementioned personage is irrelevant to me.

They know a lot about their imaginary friend.

...well, one way know for sure is if you could bum $5.00 from God.

"Hey God, you got an extra five spot?........you know, for a 40 ounce'r?"

And throw in the model from the Carl’s Jr. commercial.

Hypothesis: (seriously!)

If god is such a Great Guy(tm), why doesn't he live among us, so we can observe first-hand how to resolve everyday challenges-problems-situations?

Why is second-hand information supposed to be good enough?

as we were presented in Mormonism, the GAs:

marry other men's wives while the men were still alive, some of them away 'serving on missions'; also a 14 year old, + many stories of adultery, unpunished


Can't give us straight information about current challenges, medical, social, financial; in Fact, GAs HIDE the spending of god's funds!!

Change their minds often

Often lie, obfuscate, hire a PR firm & tons of lawyers.

Everyone knows that the best way to test someone is to give them amnesia, hide information and put them into a situation where they spend most of their time struggling against disease, natural disasters, scarcity of resources, limited cognitive ability, biological impulses and so on, with the first third of life being spent as an immature being programmed with erroneous information from other human beings, the middle third being spent struggling to provide food, shelter and other necessities through soul-crushing labor and the last third being spent watching one's body fall apart.

But for some reason God just has to "test" everyone this way, even though, reportedly, none of the conditions that exist for the test apply in the realm where God resides and just being with God is perpetual bliss, so it's not clear why any testing would be necessary in the first place.

But don't ask questions. It's rude and God hates that.

It's like ghawd is testing us!

He knows who is going to pass and who isn't, but he needs for us to know it, too. ...even though some of us (I ain't naming names, okay?) were so good that despite our human failings, a free-pass, 2nd Annoying, is waiting for us!

This ridiculously unfair test determines who will return to his presence (very few) and who will be cut off forever (the vast majority).

It seems like God came up with a weird plan to get rid of most of us.

That's an excellent argument you presented to the elders. It's hard to think on your feet, I recognize that. You did well! :)

Actually we know more about"god" than you might think.
I am not trying to steal the post but I have been studying translations of ancient Sumerian cuneiform histories for more than 15 years and I have reached conclusions.
In order to understand my position you would have to, with an open mind, read "The Lost Book of Enki". Particularly the sixth tablet. If you choose to do so and wish to pursue discussion of this subject let's do it on this forum Just address your post to the desert rat.
DO YOU DARE?

No - I don't think I have the courage to look up the 6th tablet of the Lost Book of Enki. Could you summarise the Sumerian wisdom for us?

In the 6th tablet is a plausable story of the creation by modifying the genetics of a being already on the planet ultimately homo-sapien was cloned. This is a great over simplication of the history and you would have to study it out to see what you think about it.
Most people jump to conclusions without getting story first hand. I hope you are not one of them

Sounds reasonable I suppose. More so than the Mormon version of events anyway.

Damning with faint praise. . .

Well I still have one or two doubts...

Only one or two?

oldpobot Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> No - I don't think I have the courage to look up
> the 6th tablet of the Lost Book of Enki. Could
> you summarise the Sumerian wisdom for us?


Thank you for your reply
If you are a truth seeker then you must search out the truth.
You do have the courage. Just do it!!!

.

A complete list of what any one god knows about being a supreme being:




...

One day, Goonga, a lazy guy who dwelt in a cave with members of his clan, saw Bugbug, a diligent hunter, bringing in a freshly killed deer.

Goonga knew that Bugbug would first give the best meat to Bugbug's mate and his children. Then the rest would go to Bugbug's brother and the brother's family. Then after all had had their fill, they would give any remaining scraps to Goonga. This was because Goonga was a coward and a bad hunter and was also too lazy to help out with the nut and berry gathering.

But while the others were busy taking care of hunting, gathering and other necessities, Goonga could always be found playing around with sticks and pretending they were people. As this went on for a long time, he became quite good at making up stories about the sticks. One time, in one of his stories, he wanted to pretend that a particular stick was very powerful. But he didn't have enough sticks, so in his story he pretended that the powerful being was invisible. This gave him an idea....

Goonga was hungry, so he walked over to where Bugbug was beginning to carve up the deer and sat next to Bugbug and began telling Bugbug about a mighty invisible being who controlled the weather and animals.

Goonga: "So...as I was saying to you Bugbug, while you were out this powerful being who is invisible and moves like the wind came and spoke in a whisper in my ear and told me that he would lead a deer to you this very day and that you must offer the most choice cuts of meat to the powerful being as thanks. If you fail to do that, the powerful being will make it difficult for you to get any more deer and you and everyone will suffer from great hunger and the powerful being will punish your spirit severely after you die."

At first Bugbug just laughed at Goonga.

But Goonga decided to take things to the next level and began surreptitiously sabotaging the next several hunts -- hiding here and there and scaring away the deer. Nobody knew that it was Goonga doing this because they assumed that he was just off somewhere sleeping as usual or playing with his sticks. Plus, they had never encountered any situation where a person would make up a story and then sneakily practice deception to make it seem like the story was true.

Eventually, Bugbug came to believe Goonga and then Goonga was able to convince Bugbug that the powerful being, named Ga'a'aa'duh, would only accept the offering of meat from Goonga because only Goonga had shown loyalty and respect to Ga'a'aa'duh from the beginning.

According to Goonga, the offering of the choicest meat had to be made by him in secret, concealed behind a screen made of reeds.

When the offering was being made, the others could only hear Goonga on the other side of the screen chanting strange words that seemed very mysterious, and they could smell the savory smell of meat being cooked.

At the climax of the ritual, Goonga shouted out: "Ga'a'aa'duh demands salt and pepper!" Goonga reached his hand out from behind the screen to receive the salt and pepper. "No peeking! Just give me the salt and pepper...for Ga'a'aa'duh!"

About 30 minutes later, Goonga came out from behind the screen and, after letting out a long burp, declared:"It is finished. Ga'a'aa'duh is pleased and the next hunt will be successful! What's more, if you continue to obey the commands of Ga'a'aa'duh as they are conveyed to you by me, then Ga'a'aa'duh promises to let your spirits live in his paradise after your bodies die."

And Goonga prospered greatly from that day forward and his belly grew in proportion to his authority and status within the clan and the extended tribe.

I know very little about god. But one thing I do know. If he does have a car, then its a silver T-bird. That much I know.

1957, but restored & updated with:

head rests

air bags

seat & shoulder belts

JBL (maybe BOSE) sound

MY CHOICE of colors.

and, plenty of spare parts!!!

When He’s not on His chromed out Harley. He likes the wind in His long white hair. No helmet, if He wipes out He just reverses time.

He never wipes out, remember, he's perfect. :) /s

We actually know nothing about God. All we know are stories that could have been made up.

Sounds to me like you were minding your own business and they approached you with a dialog about Mormonism. Funny that people who disagree with Mormons are heavily criticized for not minding our own business. It makes every bit as much sense to me to try to shun people away from cults as it makes to try to get them to join one. Even Mormons don't like Scientologists; no Mormon would ever criticize someone for trying, even tirelessly, to keep people from joining scientology.

in b 4 ~ just barely warm burgers are pretty good OPie ~

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/02/2019 10:01AM by anybody.