Date: November 08, 2019 04:22AM
I don't know what you're doing wrong, because I don't know that much about you. I can tell you a couple of things you really are doing wrong.
You are continuing to go to church, occasionally, and feeling that sense of not belonging, anymore. You walk into that building and feel the creepiness of it, and it infects you like a disease. I can't even go into a Mormon church, without becomeing nauseated and depressed, but I have PTSD.
You must shake it off, for good!
Don't sit in the lobby, and watch everyone else go through the motions without you. I can't think of anyplace more depressing than the lobby of a Mormon church! Really, I would have to go home and cry, afterwards.
The posters are right. Those people were never your friends, to begin with, and that's a tough wad to swallow. Mormons shun those who leave, so there's rudeness and snobishness all around you. Don't go there!
Go out into the fresh air, instead, and take a walk. Go to the speedy mart and buy a Sunday paper, and talk to the people you see there. I like to walk in the canyon behind our house, and I would rather be trudging through the ice and snow, than in a warm, stinky-stuffy, claustrophobic church lobby. Any church would stultify me.
Think of what you do have! Think of what you have gained by leaving, instead of what you have lost. You have lost a fantasy, a scam, and a bunch of judgmental money-grabbers who don't really care about anyone. Mormons believe that unconditional love is "anti-Christian."
I would rather go to the beach in a string bikini, and let all the people there look at every wrinkle, and critique me to my face. The Mormons whisper behind my back (I never did anything bad, except find out the Truth and leave the cult) and invent stories about me. They never knew my true values, never knew who I really was--they didn't even bother. They knew how much money I earned, though, and my attendance and past callings, and what underwear I wore, though.
You don't need to ever go back there, again. Why do you torture yourself? You can explore the whole world, now. It's a friendly, happy, beautiful, interesting place! Mormons are taught to fear the world, so they will want to be save in their windowless buildings, and keep their eyes shut.
Open your eyes and look around you.
The Mormon church doesn't need to be replaced in your life! It was unnecessary, to begin with.
Congratulations! I'm happy for you! These years since leaving the cult have been the happiest years of our lives, speaking for me and my children. You have a great adventure ahead of you.