Yeah. Mormonism taught me, "I will have a tried and tested people." Something to that effect.
But I struggled to understand a being who would have the power to alleviate so much suffering in this world and yet he allows innocent little children to suffer from cancer, or sometimes even be kidnapped, raped and murdered.
Even people who have near-death experiences talk about how loving this being is - so loving that it's excruciating to experience.
No loving being could stand back and just do nothing. There's nothing loving about that whatsoever. Most humans have higher morals than this being does.
I have to believe that if there is such a being, then it is not loving. I don't believe in God anymore, but if such a being is there, then I'm sure we're just its entertainment. We are nothing to it, so it's only interesting and entertaining when we suffer.
The onle being I believe in is the chilli bean, which I love on a cold winter eve. Very comforting to me and warms my drither regions in the end. I'd like to think there is warm being in the end for me, but I'll take the chilli bean.
My attitude is that if God cares to address me, I'm here. Thus far s/he has been silent. In light of that, I will proceed as I see fit.
I no longer believe that any one person has an elevated spiritual insight that I am somehow lacking. People are people. Sometimes they will have wise things to say, and sometimes not. As for what happens after we die, they don't know any more than I do. If we had that knowledge for a fact, we wouldn't have so many people sitting in church on Sundays. We wouldn't have so many different people trying to promote different stories. We would know.
This world, this cosmos, is astonishing on its own. Even stupifying. I don't need the image of some God to make me appreciate the wonderment.
I would hate to think that I couldn't figure out how to be productive, kind, person on my own without accepting some other human as superior to tell me what to do---as Summer sized it up.
I WILL take credit for own accomplishments that I have worked so hard for. No need to thank one of the 25,000 gods that men have worshipped so far.
My wife recently quit her job at what has to be the worst nursing homes I'm aware of. She was the Food Director and thought that she could turn things around in the kitchen, despite all of the red flags that were waving before she took the job. She only lasted three months before it dawned on her that nothing was going to change because her boss and his bosses had no intention of changing anything, which was also obvious from my own cursory research before she took the job.
Her stated reason for taking the job was that God prompted her to apply for the job. Initially, it was a voice telling to apply for the job in such-an-such city, and she had just gotten an Indeed notification of a job opening in that city. I looked into the nursing home and the management company that ran it, and I related to her all of the warning bells I found. She insisted God told her that's where she needed to be, and started adding details to her initial "prompting" to convince me.
What it all came down to, and what she still won't acknowledge, is that she was embarrassed being the manager of an elementary school kitchen..."a lunch lady?!"...and the new job was her quickest way out with the more prestigious title of "Food Service Director" on her resume.
God had nothing to do with it; just her desperation for something better than what she had.
It was the Summer of 2008, when my extremely "church broke" TBM father-in-law informed me that he was going to take all of his retirement IRA and place it on one stock market venture. He had had a dream that the company would "blossom as a rose" and become very profitable. He even said that his great great grandfather came to him in a vision to underscore what a great venture this was, while in the Celestial Room. I remember asking him, "Well I mean did you actually see your GGF" to which he said, "No, I was in solemn prayer, I saw him within my mind and he spoke to me." Hmmmk. Well, anyway, I tried to reason with him, explaining to him how risky it was to place his entire portfolio on one company. How he should diversify, if indeed he was going to play the market. I warned and warned him...to no avail. "I have fasted and prayed many days, and again and again the Lord has confirmed to me that this Utah born company will thrive until Christ returns." So he did as he felt inspired. A few months later, September 2008, the Dow crashed, and my FIL lost not only his shirt, but his pants, socks, shoes, and (drum roll) - his garmies. It was a sad day for many. His final analysis of what happened, "Satan hath deceived me...that's the only way I can explain it."
That's the problem. As a Mormon, we all tailored the good-feelings we had about things to suit what we actually wanted.
A friend of mine was absolutely certain that she was supposed to marry the man she wanted to marry because there were so many obstacles put into their way.
She decided that it was Satan trying to stop her from doing what's right. I said, "How do you know it's not Heavenly Father trying to stop you from doing something you shouldn't?" She sort of gave me a dirty look. She was absolutely certain.
Her marriage only lasted a few years. It was basically a disaster from the start.
If the answer is, "No," then it's Heavenly Father trying to protect us. If the answer to a prayer is, "Yes," then it's a miracle! No matter what, God never loses.