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Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: December 03, 2019 12:55AM

I think this is a genuine issue!

A perfect human being, celestialized to the max, can't have a flesh, bone & blood baby? Why is that? Aren't they ghawds, which by definition makes them all-powerful?

And if the process is set in concrete, and is inescapable, who came first, the spirit baby or the flesh & bone celestial parent?

And if ghawd 'made' Adam & Eve, doesn't that make them androids? So doesn't that make us self-replicating temporary artificial beings, waiting for the process to stuff us into 'resurrected' bodies?

I hope I can sleep tonight...

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Posted by: ptbarnum ( )
Date: December 03, 2019 02:05AM

It begs the question of how Elohim impregnated Mary with the flesh body for his favorite son/kinda sorta soul clone when he's supposed to be consorting with his harem to produce all the souls for the flesh bodies all his already fleshified other kids are busy making.

Or it would beg the question if the thinker doesn't get preoccupied with all the heebie jeebie skeevies generated by two conclusions:

1. Mary was his daughter, any way you slice it. He made her soul with one of his goddess wives, then waited for some of his already born kids to cook her up a body. Then he committed incest with her (while making it forbidden from a legal and moral standpoint and repugnant enough biologically to make most of the rest of us want to vomit at the thought) just to have her give birth to his son/kinda sorta soul clone. Who was technically also her premortal brother.

Wow. That seems like a LOT of unnecessary steps to me.

2. Every time we mortals bake up a little baby bun, we are actually mating with our celestial siblings in order to give bodies to our other celestial siblings.

God could do supermassive black holes. God could do quarks, and design little bacterial symbiotes to inhabit and fuel larger cells like little batteries. God could do literally anything and yet this pathetic method is how God supposedly reproduces its species?
Or could it just be more likely that JS was a lying piece of excrement who was so busy trying to lie his butt out of one heap of trouble after another that he didn't follow his spontaneous spew of gutter minded ideas through to their end conclusions?

The only thing keeping me up now is laughing at myself for how willing I was to believe whatever I was told as a TBM, even the festering pile of entrails that is Adam-God.

Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/03/2019 02:09AM by ptbarnum.

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: December 03, 2019 02:28AM

...if he had been born 150 years later.

I'm pretty sure that when he first met Emma while out in Pennsylvania leading a collection of dummies on another treasure hunting fantasy, he was able to convince her to elope with him after first boinking her. He was able to convince her to boink him by telling her: "You know it can't be wrong if it feels so good." (Cue Barry White.)

That's when he realized that he had the power to tell people what's right and wrong.

Then he figured he could turbo charge that power by telling people that it was God telling him to tell them what was right and what was wrong.

He liked this a lot because what was right always turned out to be something that made him feel good. And what was wrong was always something that made him feel bad. So, obviously, God was Joe's wing man and always had Joe's back.

One thing led to another there's a really old guy in SLC who says that he's a prophet who can tell people what's right and what's wrong. And here's the kicker: There are several million people who believe him and hang on his every word.

And to think it all started with carnal lust. And that's why it's important for God and for you to have fully equipped resurrected physical bodies.

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Posted by: ptbarnum ( )
Date: December 03, 2019 06:46PM

I think you're right. I wonder if he didn't try the "I'll ruin your reputation" line on Emma, and it makes sense regarding Mom and Pop Hale's disappointment in her choice, they probably had an idea why she put the ring on.

There really is no cult without JS, his angel and plates, his death and the wetern migration saga, and all that wacky atypical sex they were having. Carnal lust was their beginning, and now however they deal with it- mainstreaming and watering down the founding lies, or adhere like ETB all peculiar and proud of it...either way, carnal lust will be the cult's undoing

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/03/2019 06:46PM by ptbarnum.

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Posted by: normdeplume ( )
Date: December 03, 2019 09:16PM

Wally Prince Wrote:

> I'm pretty sure that when he first met Emma while out in Pennsylvania leading a colleJction of > dummies on another treasure hunting fantasy, he > was able to convince her to elope with him after > first boinking her.

And I'm pretty sure that dreaming Emma, raised up in a part of the state called "Little Egypt", was keen on a fling with a "seer".

As Em, the witch expected, she was in for a hell of a ride.

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: December 03, 2019 11:08PM

that probably would have seemed quite exciting to a young lady like Emma.

Things were probably usually quite boring in the Hale neighborhood. And then one day some young guy comes into town and he's leading a bunch of older guys around by the nose, telling them what they need to know about buried treasure and where they need to dig for it. Not only that, but he's the one with the magic rock and seems to know how to use it. He's a smooth talker. He's going places (he tells the pretty young lady). He's got exceptional powers of a supernatural nature. He's already a leader among men (look at those old guys feverishly digging holes wherever Joe tells them to dig).

"Why, Mr. Joseph Smith, Junior, you naughty rascal. I do believe that you must've stolen a cucumber from my mother's garden--and one of the largest at that. Well, that is a cucumber in your pocket, right? Or may I be so bold as to surmise that have you taken a special fancy to little old me?"

"Well, Emma, I think it may behoove me to let you in on a little secret. You are an elect lady. That much has been revealed to me through the inspired instrumentality of the peep stone itself, which also revealed to me the sacred protective ordinance of the sacred cucumber, should you willingly accept your calling as an elect lady of the Lord. Upon your acceptance, the sacred cucumber will serve you as an instrument of grace, blessing and exaltation. Do you accept?"

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Posted by: desertwoman ( )
Date: December 03, 2019 06:05PM

To continue ptbarnum's train of thought about Elohim and Mary,

What About Mary's Consent beforehand? Was there any? Or, did Mary just submit because she knew she had no rights?

And, continuing ptbarnum's lament concerning all the related people involved, a little something to lighten our moods:

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Posted by: ptbarnum ( )
Date: December 03, 2019 06:50PM

Oh goodness that was funny. I'd heard it once before on Dr. Demento, bit not for a long time.

I bet Brigham wouldn't have the slightest trouble keeping it all sorted. I'm pretty sure there were more complicated family networks at Lion House.

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Posted by: Wally Prince ( )
Date: December 03, 2019 02:17AM

Did Joseph Smith EVER say that God wanted you to think at all, let alone think deeply and critically?

I don't believe he ever did.

Thinking never leads to anything good. What's worse is the way that it ruins story time. Like why did the big, bad wolf waste so much time huffing and puffing, when he probably could have just kicked the door in immediately and eaten all the pigs? Why did the brick house intimidate the wolf so much. Weren't there any windows? I'm sure there were windows. Why did the BBW wait around until the brick house was completely built?

But since you bring it up, this whole resurrected perfect body stuff has always nagged at me.

Supposedly Big Papa El, and now presumably Jesus, have perfect resurrected bodies with fully functional CK compatible genitalia. But no church leader has ever explained what they do with that equipment in the CK. Is it purely for exalted forms of recreation? Apparently, nobody can get a body without being born to mortal, flawed human parents who are struggling with a mortgage, some flatulence, sleep apnea and bad halitosis (or worse). So what's the point of having the equipment on the resurrected bodies, unless it's just for show and for recreation?

Plus, nobody has explained why a physical body is necessary in any case. Mr. Holy Ghost seems to be doing okay without one. In fact, he's the third highest ranking entity in all existence. How did he go so far up the ladder without ever even having a body, when we've been constantly told in church that having a body is an absolute prerequisite for spiritual progression?

The church has all the answers to the questions the church wants you to ask. They just don't have any answers for any real questions that you want to ask.

THEREFORE, I think we should not think.

It's better to smile a lot and just always be thankful that we have a living prophet to guide us in these latter days. If he tells you you're not a Mormon, just go with the flow. If he changes his mind and tells you to be a proud Mormon, just go with the flow. When you go with the flow, things are flowing. What good is it to kick against the pricks...when they're in a big building in SLC and you can't get close enough to make physical contact anyway?

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Posted by: babyloncansuckit ( )
Date: December 03, 2019 03:19AM

Lucy Mack Smith’s family just goes to prove how powerful a mother’s influence can be. She wanted a prophet and believed her boys could be religious leaders. Down on the farm, if you wanted something done you had to do it yourself. That’s what Joseph did, he created a religion mostly himself. You can’t take out childhood influences and say he just wanted an easy buck. Although he also developed a sense of entitlement that caused his church to be exploitative from day one. Maybe he got that from his dad. That was the secret to his success. There’s no end to people willing to be exploited.

I’d like to follow up on EOD’s joke, but I don’t find straw men jokes very comical. The Bible, as flawed as it is, is no joke. Mormonism OTOH, now there’s a joke.

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Posted by: macaRomney ( )
Date: December 03, 2019 06:21AM

Genesis says that it was a male god that formed Adam out of the dust of the earth, and women from a rib. There was no sex... So how the mormons turned that story into Celestial goddesses giving birth to humans and then spirits is too complicated for my brain. Brigham had some strange ideas that are completely non biblical.

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Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: December 03, 2019 06:11PM

I have no problem with that post until the point where you bring BY in. The ideas you present were those of Joseph. It is fundamental Mormonism.

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Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: December 04, 2019 12:11AM

Tell us about jesus again.

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