Posted by:
exminion
(
)
Date: December 15, 2019 12:44AM
I'm in the same situation with my Mormon ex in-laws. We were friends before I even started dating my ex. We lived within a few blocks of each other and all went to the same ward. I was there for them in times of serious illnesses and family tragedies. My children and I helped the cousins financially and emotionally, and in school, and got them help with their mental illnesses and drug problems. I cared deeply about their welfare. We enjoyed all the holidays and birthdays together, and went on vacation and weekend trips with my husband's TBM brothers and their wives.
My own TBM family and I were close, and I took care of my parents, to the end, traveling to see them often, spending the summers and part of Christmas together, providing them with at-home care, so they could stay in their house. I didn't leave Mormonism until after they died. My TBM siblings and their children immediately shunned me. Their lives are a mess, so I'm probably better off to be away from all that.
I really loved these people, and I was crushed when they shunned me. At first, I thought it was my imagination (except for my MIL who was blunt and harsh in blaming me for her son's leaving the cult, and for his cheating). Reading the experiences of other ex-Mormons on RFM, made me realize that this is the typical way Mormons treat those who leave. Mormons who love beyond the church experience do exist, but they are rare. Those who are still friends with me are those who have had children leave, who have gotten divorced, who have a child who is gay, or something "humbling" and different happen in their lives.
I was like you, and all I asked was some "friendly interaction once in a while," but even that was asking too much. Having former loved ones treat you like you DON'T EXIST can cause psychological and emotional damage. I doubted my own value in the world. (If you are no longer of use to the cult, you are no longer of use. Period.) My kids are equally unimportant, because they resigned with me.
It's Christmas, and I will not receive one Christmas card from any of those so-called Christians! I get a card from my dentist and my old childhood friends, but not from my own blood relations. They will not look me in the eye or smile when they see me, let alone wish me a "Merry Christmas." Do you realize how abnormal this is?
My children, who played with their children, have grown up, now, and have children of their own, and have turned out very fine--but none of my Mormon family knows anything about them. They don't care. I hear about what they are doing, from the few relatives with whom I'm in contact--but they tell me that the relatives NEVER ask about me, nor want to talk about me. I do think they are afraid of the Truth, and afraid to hear about ex-Mormons being successful and happy.
I finally had to let go of even wanting to keep track of them. These people don't want me in their life. Because I left their church (though I left quietly), they want me to be gone (dead?). After 30 years, I realize that these people are my enemies--they dislike me and want me and my children to fail. That spells ENEMY.
I hope you have a family of your own, and other loved ones to relate to. For the first few years, I sent Christmas cards to people in the military (they don't do that anymore) and volunteered in the soup kitchen. There are always people who need you, really need you, and who are happy you are there. I love lavishing love onto my children and grandchildren. I'm grateful these snarky Mormons aren't in their lives, either.
That's the bright side to all of this: YOU don't have to put up with nasty Mormons, anymore.