Vince Guaraldis song Christmas Time Is Here is playing. The choir is singing in beautiful melancholy.

The ritalins for today has faded away.

My life has been lived like the fat boy in Bad Santa. Taking everything literal, not understanding anything.

I am tired.

Christmas time is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all that children call
Their favorite time of the year
Snowflakes in the air
Carols everywhere
Olden times and ancient rhymes
Of love and dreams to share
Sleigh bells in the air
Beauty everywhere
Yuletide by the fireside
And joyful memories there
Christmas time is here
We'll be drawing near
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year...

This can be a hard time of the year for those facing difficulties. But it is also a natural time of rest. Try to take care of the basics -- good, hot food, adequate sleep, and exercise. Get in the habit of practicing self care, while telling yourself that you deserve it. Also, get out during the daytime and take a good, brisk walk. This is especially important on sunny days because many people suffer due to a lack of light at this time of year.

Try to find things that cheer you. Sometimes those are very small things! It could be a hot bath, a good book, a cheery movie, or the love of a pet. During one of my darkest times, I used to have our quite elderly family cat sleep on my stomach at night. We both found that deeply comforting. By morning, he would be curled up beside me, and we would listen to the birdsong together.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/17/2019 06:54PM by summer.

Summer, I love your cat story. Reminds me of little Mr. Peabody who would sleep stretched across my forehead. :)

Lafayette, do you have any pets ?

One pet. Always happy seeing me in the morning. Wonderful pet.

There is this pressure built up over years. Things have taken a negative turn since two family members started to go non-contact with my sister and BIL. There is a wild "dance" right now with emotional hot potatos rolling around. People are opting out of this. I feel it is pathetic to see the behaviour. They blew it. External control have a price.

Thx summer and Kathleen.

my 62 years of life, the ones I remember, I realized that most of my Christmases have not been that great and I think most people could tell you the same thing. There is always going to be drama at Christmas. I'm having some drama in my own life. I did last year. I did all the years after my ex left me that I was trying to provide Christmas for my 2 kids. My mother died December 3rd 11 years ago. That was a tough Christmas, watching my dad. Oh my hell! It was horrible. Then my dad died February 1st just 2 months after she did.

My husband left me the 3rd time on November 9th. That first Christmas when my sister and her family left me there alone in the house with my 2 kids, I don't know how I made it through. I have ALWAYS allowed my husband to spend Christmas with his kids every year no matter what was happening in our lives. He didn't pay child support, didn't buy them gifts, but I made sure he was there.

The last Christmas my mother was alive, she was in the hospital and they weren't sure she would be able to come home for Christmas. I went to visit my dad on Christmas Day and he hadn't heard from the hospital whether she would be released or not. I live in Cache Valley, my parents in Brigham, and my mom was in the hospital in Ogden. I started back to Cache Valley and my dad called and said my mother was being released. I drove my daughter the rest of the way back to CV and then turned around and drove to Ogden. I waited for my mother to be released and drove her home. We got there at 7 p.m.

She was dead by the next Christmas. That is the Christmas I Remember Best. She always loved that series in the Deseret News (I believe it was). Of all my family, I took the time to go get her on Christmas Day, and I was the one who got to spend her last Christmas with her.

Christmas is tough. Go do something for someone else. Make someone else's day brighter.

I know this was not the main point of your post, C12, but I just wanted to share that if your son and daughter don't already appreciate the degree to which you consistently prioritized their needs, they eventually will. You are amazing.

My therapist told me that it is usually the one who does the most for their children who actually gets the least showing of appreciation. I know they love me. That is what counts.

Oh, and the dogs help so much!



Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 12/18/2019 11:49AM by cl2.

Thank you for your wisdom. Perspectives are good.

Thanks again.

Hi Lafayette,

I know how it feels to be tired in a most weary way. This can be a trying time of year, especially.

I see many resilient and positive qualities in you. For one, you are willing to talk about how you feel. It takes a certain amount of character to say, "this is hard". Many people don't have that strength. They try to sugar coat things or put their struggles on a mental shelf to get away, only to find they can't hide from themselves. You're willing to hold things up to the light and say, "look at this with me." That's brave.

Fortunately many other people here do have that ability too. Which leads me to another good quality of yours, which is great taste in online forums!

The fellow traveler in me wants you to know you're not alone, you matter, and by being willing to let others in as you do, you are putting yourself out there in a strong way, to share with the rest of us as we struggle together.

The mother hen in me won't sign off until I encourage you to be sure to take vitamin D3 if it's winter where you live. It can help with mood.

I wish you a good tomorrow.

It feels better today. But I am a bit blue in my mood. Illusions unravelling are hurtful.

Thank you ptbarnum!

"Illusions unraveling are hurtful" Oh do I *ever* get this, Lafayette! And when you are on the Spectrum, it can be excruciating. A hug from me to you!

I'm sick and tired of having to listen to christmas music in every store. I'll be glad when christian heat season is over.

I always thought we all were individuals. 20-30-40 years together. There was no fine-tuning in our relationships over till. A big illusion in the mind.

All the years I had a hope for a better future together, a future with quality time together. I found out it all was a group-mentality scheme. Every person I met was conditioned to treat me with distance or contempt. To push my buttons and force me to push theirs.

I wasted my time. There was no quality waiting at the end.

Its not over until Santa sings.

Praises to his wife.