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Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum.
Angelic nonsense
12/27/19
I by chance found a magazine in the Free Little Library box at my local park today. It is called LDS Living, and is a miss-mash of rewrites on the Christian traditions and gossip about the Osmonds.
The 20 Things I did Not Know about Angels was especially amusing.
I liked Number nine the best where it is claimed that Angels have power over gravity.
Now did Carl Sagan know about this?
Or Einstein?
Hard to tell, as the examples given were right out of bad science fiction.
Most of the things that this for- profit religion (LDS) claims that angels can do are right out of the King James Bible which is the one book that I will not allow in my home.
I was going to throw this religious rag away after I tore out the “Angelic “ part, but want to look over the ads and gossip.
Then I will throw it into the recycle bin.
It is a kick to read about all the fancy plots that this cult can spew out trying to justify its’ existence, but like I said, bad science fiction or fantasy.
These men in the corporation have a large imagination.
12/27/19
I by chance found a magazine in the Free Little Library box at my local park today. It is called LDS Living, and is a miss-mash of rewrites on the Christian traditions and gossip about the Osmonds.
The 20 Things I did Not Know about Angels was especially amusing.
I liked Number nine the best where it is claimed that Angels have power over gravity.
Now did Carl Sagan know about this?
Or Einstein?
Hard to tell, as the examples given were right out of bad science fiction.
Most of the things that this for- profit religion (LDS) claims that angels can do are right out of the King James Bible which is the one book that I will not allow in my home.
I was going to throw this religious rag away after I tore out the “Angelic “ part, but want to look over the ads and gossip.
Then I will throw it into the recycle bin.
It is a kick to read about all the fancy plots that this cult can spew out trying to justify its’ existence, but like I said, bad science fiction or fantasy.
These men in the corporation have a large imagination.
Since Christ can walk on water, angels can hover like a helicopter.
See, it wasn't difficult at all!!
and THEN... do angels & resurrected persons wear clothes?
how about those that haven't taken upon themselves 'the garment of the PH'? Do they get to be seen naturally?
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/28/2019 07:10PM by GNPE.
See, it wasn't difficult at all!!
and THEN... do angels & resurrected persons wear clothes?
how about those that haven't taken upon themselves 'the garment of the PH'? Do they get to be seen naturally?
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/28/2019 07:10PM by GNPE.
You earth people complain about bird droppings. At least you don't have to contend with angel shit. (Hey, Jesus, hand me another towel.)
What if they ended it with the three Nephites still walking around?
Three Nephites have been Promoted; they no longer stoop to find lost keys, and they're closing out helping elderly women change a tire on a lonely road/rainy nite/who can't afford or call the auto club.
their future callings / assignments are TBD / TBA
their future callings / assignments are TBD / TBA
The Three Nephites are taking care of important church business. They're accountants at the church office building.
how much time do they get for lunches, & breaks? vacation time?
Like church finances, such things are not disclosed to the world.
I think marvel is going to make a super hero movie about some gravity-defying angels. Or was it the three nephites?
Oh, and please share the other “facts” about angels.
Oh, and please share the other “facts” about angels.
FACT: 15 angels can dance on the head of a pin. 15.
FACT: Angels don't get wings whenever a bell rings, this is a Hollywood myth. Everyone knows angels don't have wings; they use methanol-powered jet packs. A new angel is assigned his (only priesthood-holding angels get to fly, duh) jet pack every time a missionary rings a door bell.
FACT: Aaronic priesthood holders can't call down ministering angels; this is just something the GAs say to make deacons feel better. Otherwise there would be 12-year-olds calling down angels all the time to smite their friends. "Oh yeah? You think I'm a stupidhead? Well--POW!" Only High Priests can call down angels, which never happens because they're always napping.
FACT: When the angel appeared in Joseph Smith's bedroom, Joseph misheard his name. He actually said it was "Moronephi." This explains the conflicting accounts about the angel's identity. He came back several times to try and clarify, but Joseph misheard him each time and he eventually gave up because he had a hot date with one of his 4 million wives over at the celestial bowling alley, King Pin Kingdom of God.
FACT: Moronephi, aka Moroni, is depicted on temples as blowing a trumpet. But Moronephi is actually an awful trumpeter. He is, however, quite adept at the bone flute and once considered auditioning for the Zarahemla Ziggurats dance band, before his entire culture was destroyed.
FACT: There are 3 angels standing next to you right now! Church leaders used to think that you can't see them because they're made of finer matter, but thanks to modern revelation we now know that they're actually quantum-phasing like Ghost in the MCU. This allows them to quantum-deflect gravity and quantum-fly around and visit the Quantum Realm and quantum-Force push things and whatnot. In fact, the Avengers only won because there were invisible angels helping them, and after Steve Rogers went back to 1945 he contacted the missionaries and was baptized.
Science!
FACT: Angels don't get wings whenever a bell rings, this is a Hollywood myth. Everyone knows angels don't have wings; they use methanol-powered jet packs. A new angel is assigned his (only priesthood-holding angels get to fly, duh) jet pack every time a missionary rings a door bell.
FACT: Aaronic priesthood holders can't call down ministering angels; this is just something the GAs say to make deacons feel better. Otherwise there would be 12-year-olds calling down angels all the time to smite their friends. "Oh yeah? You think I'm a stupidhead? Well--POW!" Only High Priests can call down angels, which never happens because they're always napping.
FACT: When the angel appeared in Joseph Smith's bedroom, Joseph misheard his name. He actually said it was "Moronephi." This explains the conflicting accounts about the angel's identity. He came back several times to try and clarify, but Joseph misheard him each time and he eventually gave up because he had a hot date with one of his 4 million wives over at the celestial bowling alley, King Pin Kingdom of God.
FACT: Moronephi, aka Moroni, is depicted on temples as blowing a trumpet. But Moronephi is actually an awful trumpeter. He is, however, quite adept at the bone flute and once considered auditioning for the Zarahemla Ziggurats dance band, before his entire culture was destroyed.
FACT: There are 3 angels standing next to you right now! Church leaders used to think that you can't see them because they're made of finer matter, but thanks to modern revelation we now know that they're actually quantum-phasing like Ghost in the MCU. This allows them to quantum-deflect gravity and quantum-fly around and visit the Quantum Realm and quantum-Force push things and whatnot. In fact, the Avengers only won because there were invisible angels helping them, and after Steve Rogers went back to 1945 he contacted the missionaries and was baptized.
Science!
I joined the church as a teen. Through the years I was fascinated by all kinds of Mormon literature that later turned out to be Christian rewrites that Mormons borrowed and adapted for their own doctrines. I had thought it was the Holy Spirit!