Date: January 09, 2020 03:54PM
It's more than just "dress codes".
It's what the dress codes represent. It's about their control over you, your obedience, and your recognizing the controllers as being superior to you. (Modesty issues, and serious icons such as yarmulkes or ordained priests' robes are something different, IMO). Sacred underwear is in a class all by itself, at the top of the wierdness scale.
When I resigned from the cult, I threw away all my Mormon skirts and dresses, (and underwear). I never did wear any of those hideous Mormon mom jumpers, even when pregnant. I live in pants, because I have two legs, and I'm very active. At work, pants are best in all weather, with all kinds of shoes and boots, plus they are more modest than shorter suit skirts, sitting down. I have some fun cocktail-type dressy dresses and skirts, for weddings, office parties, etc.
My shelf broke when a Mormon relative died, and I had to speak at her funeral, and felt I had to wear a longer skirt. None of my skirts would work, so I bought a longer black straight-line skirt, that I could dress up or down, and wore the top to my black pants suit, black opaque tights, and black flats for walking to the muddy grave. I was upset that the Mormon dress codes intimidated me, still. My relative was sort of a NOM, but her family are fanatics, but I talked about my relative and her numerous experiences and accomplishments--she was a great and loving person! The other talks blathered on mostly about the church, and even about how my dear relative should have been more religious, should have gotten married in the temple, and how other relatives were going to do her ordinance work for her. Then, there was the final talk by the SP, who didn't even know the deceased, and droned on for 15 minutes all about the Mormon "Plan of Salvation". It was upsetting to me, to know that my dead relative would not have liked this at all.
Afterwards, I got critiques! Why didn't I mention the church? Why did I talk so much about her career as a school teacher, her travels and charity work in the summers, and her friendships (non-Mormon) and not mention that she was a councellor in the Primary? Then, two of my relatives mentioned the slit in my skirt, which went up to below the knee, and how "sexy" it was, in a bad way. Huh? I'm skinny like a bean-pole. They said the skirt was so tight, that I wouldn't be able to walk without the slit. The suit jacket came below my hips, but I actually explained to those women, that the skirt was too lose, and I opened up my jacket to show that I had to wear a belt to hold up the skirt. Suddenly, I realized I was defending myself! I was making explanations and excuses for something unimportant, and perfectly fine--to women who believed in a lying cult, and who believed that I was an evil apostate who wanted to sin, and who was "beneath" them in every way--and I was buying into that! I buttoned my jacket, and said, "I bought this skirt to conform to your dress code, and all you're giving me is criticism," and I politely excused myself from the conversation. Why weren't we talking about the deceased, instead of something so shallow?
Sorry to ramble, but I donated that skirt to the battered women's center, the next day. I will wear only the "fun" skirts, and I won't go anywhere that requires me to wear a skirt. I'm a pants-person, and pants-people aren't welcome. I don't want to be there. Mormons even try to peer at your unerwear! Oh, yes, they do! Just by nature, such a dress code is already pre-juding me as being inappropriate and inferior, in my native costume, and in my business clothes, which are acceptable to the rest of the world.