Posted by:
forestpal
(
)
Date: January 30, 2020 12:46AM
Is it possible to have Mormons stop shunning me? Is there something I can do?
I mean, there has been a growing chasm between me and my Mormon daughter, her TBM husband, and their children. Their disrespect of me has been fueled by my daughter's TBM in-laws, who are among the Mormon neighbors who have been shunning me, ever since I resigned 10 years ago. I left quietly. I've always lived the best life I could. I have the same family-oriented, integrity-based lifestyle and values, and still believe in God and Christ, but I never joined another church. I have forever been marginalized as a divorced single working mom, even when I took precious time to be the ward organist and a Sunday school teacher, and paid tithing out of my income which was our family's sole financial support. I left the church, with my children, when the leaders physically abused my children. Soon I found out it was a hoax, though my young children had known it all along! Because of scary Mormon threats, we left very quietly. One daughter returned to the Mormon singles ward for social reasons only, with her TBM cousins, and ended up falling in love and marrying a TBM RM in our neighborhood. One of the first things he said to me, after their temple marriage was, "If you don't mind, I'd like to call you "Forestpal" instead of Mom."
I have been able to appreciate the good in my daughter's Mormon in-laws. My daughter's husband is a good man. My grandchildren have a stable home with loving parents, and are doing well. The Mormon in-laws offer them a lot of companionship and fun, with their many children and other grandchildren. I have never had any reason to criticize these people (just their cult). I don't interfere with their parenting, their marriage, or their decisions. I'm not in competition with them. Early on, my daughter made it clear that religion was a forbidden subject for me to talk about with her, my grandchildren, or any of her other family (not that I ever did, not even once). They don't force me to go to the children's church talks and performances and baptisms, because they don't want me there. I am treated like a pariah, which is worse than the usual Mormon shunning. They operate behind my back which makes me feel like I'm paranoid. I'm an apostate to be tolerated. This is how I feel about the Mormon cult—it's something I'm trying to tolerate.
I do have an otherwise happy life, and good relationships with my ex-Mormon children and their non-Mormon wives and my non-Mormon grandchildren. I have good non-and ex-Mormon friends and work colleagues. I enjoy my career, and have a lot of hobbies. I'm can "emotionaly independent," if I have to be.
The worst part is, that my daughter and her new family accuse me of not believing in God or Christ, and of following Satan, instead. It is very painful to be accused and misunderstood. Because I can't discuss religion, I can't defend myself.
The Mormon in-laws are people who llike to gossip about people. They gossip about their other children's in-laws, more than about me. It is brutal! Here are their objections to me:
--I'm an apostate (follower of Satan)
--I don't go to any church
--I don't have a husband
--I'm deluded to think I can break out of the mold and get along without a man
--I've been a working mother
--They think the divorce was my fault (not)
--I'm a nobody with no Mormon friends (shunned)
--I have white hair
--I wear glasses
--I'm not a jogger
--I used to dance, and dancing is wicked (they stopped my granddaughters' dance lessons)
--I'm too selfish to play and teach the organ for the ward, when they need an organist so badly.
--I'm too "intellectual"
—I'm liberal
—I'm for women's rights
--I'm quiet. (I ramble away only on RFM!)
--I talk to the grandchildren about evolution and the universe. (They're afraid I might reveal the Truth.)
--My other children and grandchildren are all non-and ex-Mormons.
--I'm a bad influence on the grandchildren, because I have too much fun on Sundays
--We laugh too much—yes—that's a complaint.
My grandchildren see how their Mormon grandparents, their Mormon uncles and aunts, and their father treat me, and they think this is how they should behave towards me, also. They are learning snobbery and entitlement from the Mormons. I'm slowly disappearing from that family, being swallowed up by the controlling Mormons, who dominate my grandchildrens' time and their lives.
Do I have any value in their lives? Does love matter? Is reading and music and dance and culture important to Mormons? Maybe not. I love playing games with them, and going to all their sports games and school performances. I hang their artwork all over my walls. I know that I'm the only adult that will have a good conversation with those kids, and they seem to blossom with the attention and eye-contact, and with putting their ideas into words. They like encouragement and support, and someone to listen to them, and to understand. Mormons don't like unconditional love like that. They don't like that I don't discipline the grandchildren very much. They don't need very much disciplining.
Maybe wanting to stay close to them is selfish, if I'm of so little value to them, or a bad influence.
Still—I want them to think well of me, to be proud of me, to respect me, even if they can't love me.
I'm considering going down that list of "objections" and correcting my faults, one by one (except for marriage and joining the cult). Would this help? Well…I can't change my past, or maybe I can re-write history and deny everything, like the Mormon church does. I can change my appearance, join a church, not have fun on Sunday, spend less time "influencing" the grandchildren, not laugh so much, and be someone else other than myself. Maybe I could just die and leave them an inheritance.
How do I get these Mormons to even accept me as a person in their life? I don't expect friendship, or anything, just common civility.
Please, I would love to know your ex-Mormon experiences with Mormon children and Mormon grandchildren! How do you keep your relationships healthy? What do they love about you? How do you mend the widening cracks that Mormonism continually creates between you and your loved ones?
Have you ever resurrected a dead friendship with a Mormon who has previously shunned you? Has a Mormon ever forgiven you for being an apostate?