Hello RfM, I havent been here in a few years and wanted to catch up...

I think the last time i posted on this board was about March/April 2017, got a lot of great advise about how to handle my brothers departure for his mission, how to keep the conversation going between us and how to avoid alienating him. My brother is my best friend, we talk every day and Im happy to say that not much has changed since his return last May. Sure the first few weeks I was nice enough to try and not swear, or tell dirty jokes around him, but then the conditioning broke and hes back to his old self swearing like a sailor just like me.

My main concern for him though is hes now 24, has never worked a day in his life (except for his mission, if you can call that work), and that definitely doesnt look good on a resume.

Normally I wouldnt be too concerned however my father sadly lost his job 3 months ago and has a $750,000+ (AUD) mortgage hanging around his neck all because in his infinite wisdom he fasted and prayed about this new job and uprooted with my mum and 2 brothers to the other side of the country. Now if something doesnt change soon, he'll have to sell or file for bankruptcy...

So much for the family being blessed from my brother serving a mission haha

So a question for all of you, have you ever had a TBM family member be really bad at getting a job? I dont know if hes being lazy / scared or what but having at least SOME money coming in to feed them would help. Mum doesnt work either (hasnt since she had kids)

And lastly, this whole situation to me just reaffirms that they church is full of shit, theres no welfare system my father can go to for aid, hes paid millions in tithing over his lifetime and the best the church can do is send some relief society over with a casserole?? $100bn in assets and finances but nothing can be done for my dad...

i know its a wicked thought, but I hope this experience breaks his shelf...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/09/2020 10:18PM by se7enthdagger.

So sad.

Like your brother, I was basically unprepared for real life after my mission. I had some schooling under my belt, but no working experience and I had forgotten much of what I had learned in Uni before my mission. I just trusted that I would get blessed. I did okay getting back into school, but, as you note, employers want-and expect- so much more.

Where in Oz are you, if I may ask?

slskipper Wrote:
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> Where in Oz are you, if I may ask?


Melbourne, my Father, Mother and Brothers moved to Queensland 5 years ago and me and my Sisters (non/less active) are still down here

I learned a lot the hard way. The non-welfare system of the operation and i just filed chapter 7 banktrupcy. The corruption of television and banks preying on the vulnerable. My naivety has gone out the window. Its a hard road but we must all grow up and that includes the cultists or they will lose millions to build billions dollar malls and 100 billion dollar banking vaults.

Warrior71783 Wrote:
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> The non-welfare system of the operation and i just filed chapter 7 banktrupcy.


Im sorry to hear that, I hope everything turns out alright

It will.

My nephew was not that old but he basically didn't want to work while in college and found lots of excuses not to go to interviews or fill out applications. He borrowed to the limit and finally he couldn't borrow any more. None of us in the family could continue to support him so reality finally smacked him up side of the head.

My nephew came out of his fog and got a restaurant job just so he could eat. I guess it was tough love but none of us could support him so he had to face reality. Today he is 37 and probably has a better job than any of his siblings. He likes the work he does and enjoys going to work each day. He's not terribly ambitious to move up the company ladder but he will work, is honest, and works well with others.

How your brother got along this long without a job is kind of amazing but if your father was totally supporting him then he will have to get off the gravy train and start working. Fear is a great motivator. My sister is the same. She will work her buns off when she gets scared there is no other way to survive. If she thinks she can mooch off someone she will try that first. When it doesn't work she gets working.

If he can't find a job right this moment VOLUNTEER. It looks good on a resume and he will be getting out and meeting people. Right now in AU there is a HUGE need. ARC would be a good place for him to start looking at who can use his help.

As I understand it, sell the house or declare bankruptcy are not the choices. If the mortgage doesn't get paid, the bank will take the house. You can't use bankruptcy to discharge a secured debt. The bank still gets to take whatever secured the debt, assuming it still exists.

Job hunting is usually a stressful and unpredictable experience. In the short term the family can scramble, but pretty soon, if a good replacement job doesn't show up, either your family can sell the house, or the bank will sell it. That's the real choice.

When the wind changes, you readjust the sails.

chance to work a job after high school, how are they supposed to get experience getting a job. Around here, Utah, there are a lot of young men who don't have jobs, feel overwhelmed with the prospect of supporting a mormon family without the wife working, and then just don't do anything. My boyfriend's realtor a few years back was the bishop of the local singles ward and he said that there were a lot of guys like that in his ward and that the women all seemed to be doing well. There are a lot of unmarried girls in their 30s here. Many more than when I was a single mormon.

My therapist actually said it is an epidemic with young men who can't seem to get themselves MOVING. I have a son myself who at least has a part-time job. He could work full time as the owners want him to. He does stuff on line, too, but doesn't get paid much. He knows how to code, etc., and people who watch his on-line stuff have made some offers, but he doesn't always follow up on them. I let my sister talk to him about getting a computer job as he doesn't want to listen to me and he will listen to her. He's done better about that lately and at least he does have a job. He is divorced. Luckily, NO KIDS.


My neighbor has a son who is 40 who has never had a job and lives in her basement. He hardly ever goes outside even. This is the epidemic my therapist talks about.

I hope your father finds a job soon! I lost my long-time job a year or so ago and I'm still depressed about it, but I'm on social security now. I don't have to pay the bills myself as my "ex" lives here in our house with me.

"My neighbor has a son who is 40 who has never had a job and lives in her basement."

I've heard about this guy . . .

Luckily for us, the wife and I started wising up about the time my son turned 18. He was all-in with us recognizing the church as a fraud, even though he was BIC, etc. He joined the military, came back with the GI, finished his BS, and now in med school. Very self-motivated/self-starter. I think if he would have served a 2-year mission - he would not be where he is at. I am an RM, I wanted to go to med school, but mission was engrained in me, and I came back I got married - and suddenly no time for med school - just barely enough time for my BA. Mormonism is just sheer craziness.

Sorry for your dad. He has some tough decisions to make. He may lose the house. He may have to work a few low-paying jobs, and or reinvent himself in another field that he never considered. You bro needs to go to college or trade school asap.

Few members of the Church understand this concept: YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR CHOICES. Sorry, but because your life choices were counselled by your bishop, elders quorum president or mission president does not absolve you from conducting a proper investigation of their advice.

During an elders quorum service project moving somebody's furniture, my brother-in-law agreed to transport tins of paint in the back seat of his car. They leaked. He would never have agreed to load paint into his car for anybody else. But since it was "for the Church" for some reason all reason left him. Nevertheless, the consequences are his for acquiescing to a demand from the Church.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/11/2020 09:06AM by idleswell.

Maybe he could take in boarders? if it's a good town in Queensland with lots of renters. Here in Utah I use to have some neighbors who didn't want to work so they took in foster kids, that was disaster! But some make it work, I guess. The easiest thing would be if they all can just get a job. Start in Retail and work up the ladder, There are ways to make money.

Maybe another answer could be to consider coming to Utah. We use to get a lot of South Africans and New Zealander refugees escaping the violence and problems of Africa.

macaRomney:

Find a world map or atlas and find New Zealand on said map. Hint: New Zealand ain't in Africa.

Remarkable, isn't it?

Does he ever leave the house? Does he ever leave his room? Are there any hobbies of his that he used to really be into but doesn't do anymore? How much does he sleep and at what time does he wake up/go to bed? Does he go out to see friends?

Last question: does either side of your family have a history of depression, anxiety, ADHD, or some other mental illness?

It's really important to make sure that there isn't something going on with his brain. If he hasn't already, take him to see a (licensed, non-religious) therapist, and get a referral to a psychiatrist (therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists are different things!!!), and see if there isn't an underlying problem.

There are many misconceptions about mental illness, and a lot of these disorders are inter-related (that is, you can very well have more than one, and these illnesses play off each other).

Get him treatment ASAP if this is the case; many of these can be debilitating. If it's that severe, your brother may need to go on disability.