Hey everyone. I need some help and was wondering if any of you could help me. I need some advice. Let me give you some background. I was raised in the church, wife was not. We met, dated for 3 years and was married civily in 1998. In 2004, under some pressure from my family, we started attending church and went through the temple and sealed to our 2 kids. We continued to attend church for a couple of years, but going inactive in 2006. I've always had questions about the church. Questioned JS and the BOM. Also, why would god punish good people from seeing their family, just because they are not lDS? It just never made sense to me. My wife on the other hand, although not growing up in the church, and knowing very litte, has still held onto hope that we would go back. I took off my g's in 2008, and she finally took hers off for the most part last year. She has very little if any knowledge of the church or any doctorine. For her it's the social aspect as well as what other friends and family think about her not going to church or wearing g's. When she does wear them, she does when we will be with other people who would notice and possibly care.

Anyways... i've for years wanted to find a way to prove my doubts in the church and the doctorine. I've always had a feeling that things were not true. Even at a young age. I finally found this site a few months back, and people gave me some good advice about books and items I could read to help prove my doubts true. The best book so far has been No man knows my history. I'm about halfway through, and love this book. What great evidence proving it all a sham. I approached my wife last night and told her about my research and what I had come across. I told her that I don't believe anymore and that the church is a scam. She got upset and said that she finally knows that I will never go back to the church. She wouldn't listen to any of the stuff I have researched that prove so many things false. She just keeps telling me that she will listen when she is ready and that she still believes.
To make a longs story short, I need some advice on how to tell her the truths when she finally is ready. I want my answer to be good and have many items to lay out on the line showing her the falseness. Here is what i've come across...

Book of Abraham
Native Americans DNA
Joseph Smith polygamist (young girls)
Tithing/lack of money back to wards/members

I think that these items are amazing, especially since they convinced me of the truth. I just want to have many items to show her to help me to show her why I think it's not true. I know I need to just give her time, and she will come ask when she is ready, that is why I want to be prepared when she does.

Thank you for anything you can pass along to me. Thank you all.

Here you go
https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1ry2Eqtdw6BB0HmeC7QVy6UirWtHgyfs3WunyXUgZKpM

Everyone's exit is on their own time. Starting with the polygamy and polyandry is usually a good place to open the doors.

Keep reading and studying and then if she brings up Mormon excuses just gently counter them with facts.

For example: "how could Joseph Smith write the BOM?"

Then you can gently give her facts that show how much he ripped off, how illiterate the first version was, etc.

Go at her pace. Good luck. You're going to need it.

Those who of us who left with our spouses are very lucky and in the minority.

Unless she's 'Super Ready' (few are) chances are she'll rebel.

MAYBE leave a select book for her to read... OR NOT; make as many things as possible her choice, her decision(s)!

Mo Culture Runs Deep, even if Doctrine is weak or even non-existent in each individual...


just sayin'



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/27/2011 01:14AM by guynoirprivateeye.

Do not 'show her the truth.'

What you need to do is to show her how to help you find the truth. Let her think she is finding out the truth for the both of you. You never know, she might find out stuff you hadn't noticed. ;o))

Take it easy. See it as a long but worthwhile project.

Don't let other people derail you, no matter how well-intentioned they are. And that includes some people on this board. For example do not let them tell you that their way is the only way to recover from Mormonism. It isn't.

let her find it herself when she is ready. Accept her and her beliefs, and her right to have different ones than you.


The best thing you can do is to love her, support her, and build her up as a person (and encourage her to do things that will help her happiness and confidence grow--preferably things outside of the church so she might even make new friends and find fulfillment elsewhere).

You might be able to say things to get her thinking occasionally, but it can't be an attack on doctrine or leaders or anything that will make her defensive. Think of things to do with science that disconfirm church beliefs. Question the value of endless meetings, or Visit Teaching, needless guilt, or why the men get to call all the shots in the ward . . . whatever you think bugs her.

Tread lightly and good luck.

I recommend Steven Hassan's website freedomofmind.org (??) and his book, Combatting Cult Mind Control.

ddrakep Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> She has
> very little if any knowledge of the church or any
> doctorine. For her it's the social aspect as well
> as what other friends and family think about her
> not going to church or wearing g's. When she does
> wear them, she does when we will be with other
> people who would notice and possibly care.

> I told her that I don't
> believe anymore and that the church is a scam. She
> got upset and said that she finally knows that I
> will never go back to the church. She wouldn't
> listen to any of the stuff I have researched that
> prove so many things false. She just keeps telling
> me that she will listen when she is ready and that
> she still believes.

There is your answer. She doesn't want to know any of this stuff. If you persist in trying to engage her she will very likely want to shoot the messenger--you.

To you it's about true doctrine or not. To her it's about social ties. If she doesn't know much about doctrine that means she doesn't CARE much about doctrine. She cares about the social aspect of the Church and what you are doing is about to take that away from her.

The only thing you can do is let her know that YOU know it's bogus and that if and when she wants to know what YOU know you will gladly discuss it with her--but she has to ask first.