My mother is mad. God isn't answering her prayers. The world is going to Hell and she can prove it because the man checking her Cosco receipt had a beard and long painted fingernails. This is in the heart of Utah County.

But what really chaps my mother's garment-clad hide is the fact that Jesus hasn't come yet. She seriously thinks that he should have come by now and she is certain that he will be here by 2050 when she is dead.

She is sad for her grandchildren because they have to deal with this sick and twisted world until then.

But does Jesus even know that he has to be here by 2050? Kolob is a very long way away. Even if he caught the next Kocobeam it would be awhile but does he even know the disappointment he is causing my mother?

Jesus maybe knows his coming is overdue but he's been busy earning a living cooking at a taco shop in Santa Paula California. I know this because I stopped in there for lunch and right on the menu board was a list several items listed as "Jesus Favorites".
I testify that He's a good cook in case you were wondering.

I don't think Jesus was a cook at Tia Babe's in Santa Paula, but as far as I'm concerned, when they went out of business the world might as well have ended.

Meanwhile, wasn't it only 3 or 4 years ago that one of the church bigwigs said "...you'll live to see your grandchildren and maybe your great grandchildren." So one of the Lord's anointed threw JC under the bus.

So that's what that meeting at the temple was when Jesus was 12. The leaders were confounded that coming now needed confession.

So now he is edging his ejects.

Per Peter....“that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day” (2 Pet. 3:8)

Jesus is using a different clock than we are. She may have to wait a while. She's thinking 30 years....10950 days, but jesus is thinking 10,950 days.....10,950,000 years.

Too bad they didn't synchronize watches when the war in heaven broke out like they do in the movies.

And don't even get me started on daylight savings time! That puts a huge wrench in the works.

How many lost hours can balance on the head of a pin?

How many lost hours can balance on the head of a p....?

LW is playing on a durable cliche, derived from medieval theological debates, which included the question "How many angels can dance on the head of a pin."

I'm implying a less durable thing - penis.

A legion of angels can dance on the head of a pin during the hours lost and gained by daylight savings time.... but they are limited to certain dances based on church teachings.....

Such as the Angelica, Collegiate Shag (for BYU), Court Dance (of love), Cupid Shuffle, Gay Gordons, Grinding, Harlem Shake (only for the lesser valiant ones), Hoedown (referring to Fanny Alger in the barn), Hornpipe (referring to Joseph's junk), Humppa (got to produce those spirit babies), Intercessory Dance (we needed jesus damnit!), Java (don't worry, its really just Postum), Jerkin', Kumi Odori (they say it smells like teen spirit), Lap Dance, Limbo (spirit prison), Long Sword (flaming of course), Molly Dance, Moonwalker (for the Quakers), Nutbush, Partner Dance (they don't recognize same sex marriage), Pole Dancing (for Ziller), Prophetic Dance, Queer Tango, Roger de Coverley (rhymes with Oliver Cowdery), Sadi Moma (for the sisters with less than 6 children), Serpent Dance (the Devil gets his due), Swing (for those closeted Utah couples), Waacking, Wilt Thou Go to the Barracks, Johnny? (bishop interviewing children).

All of the above are real dances too. And the head of a pin on earth is the size of Studio 54 in heaven.....so lots of angels.

Lady Chatterley's brother! That's a long list.

And a big pin!

I don't trust Peter with clocks or cocks. He was an epic cock block. Terrible sense of timing.

for Y2K. I was led to believe he'd come around the year 2000 and my life was in the toilet. I was waiting for him and he failed to show up even if my "husband" had started hoarding things. We don't need to hoard now because of him. Well, toilet paper maybe.

I really was hoping he'd show up then. I did sit on the sofa and watch the clock tick away to 2000. I was home alone with my dog. Here it is 20 years down the road and he still hasn't come.

Just thinking about it makes me think TWICE. When is this all going to end--this earth? I'll be long gone I'm sure.

I wonder, when he comes again,
Will naked angels scream?
Will earth be white with drifting trash,
Or will the world know recycling?
I wonder if his bar will grind
Far sexier than the rest;
With gaslight preying the whole night through?
Will women beat their chests?
I'm sure he'll call his little drones
Together 'round on his knee,
Because he said in days gone by,
"Suffer them to be spanked by me."
I wonder, when he comes again,
Will I be ready there
To look upon his sexy face
And join with him in his lair?
Each day I'll try to do his will
And let my plight be divine
That others seeing me may peek
At his greater size than mine.
Then, when that blessed day is here,
He'll love me and he'll say,
"You've serviced me well, my child;
Come unto my charms so gay."

Now I'll have it stuck in my head all evening.

Sounds like a good thing I never heard it ;-)

One of my childhood friends sister was told in her patriarchal blessing that she'd raise her kids in the millennium...and then cancer got her...ohoh!

She'll be back. Church of zombies I tell you.

He could at least call and confirm his appointment. Right? It's only polite.