A few weeks back, a friend sent me some clueless texts belittling the severity of things, including the line: "I love pandemics. They make me feel like Boccaccio!" After informing him that his tone was tasteless and offensive, I was told that if he were that great a source of negativity to me, he just wouldn't write again and hasn't.

Separately, a few days back, after I had gently suggested that another friend had too much personal information in his outgoing voicemail message and that it could lead to identity theft, he sent me a lengthy scolding screed -- accusing me of being a "scold", naturally -- and cutting off all ties.


Times are difficult, and I'm trying to be patient with and supportive of family, friends, and neighbors, but it's clear that not all friendships are going to survive this intact.

I'm not really looking for suggestions here - just a space to mention how sad it is.

Tyson

Some people use humor to relive stress. If one can't change a situation they might as well laugh at it. My plumber recently told me to enjoy the Zombie Apocalypse.

I agree with Topper that sometimes people use "gallows humor" to relive the stress. Having said that, there are also times when the trash takes itself out.

I wish you good health, Tyson.

I have expressed a few WTF's to people who called it a hoax or a Democrat plot aimed at the president (yes really..and Iam not American and not a fan of his) and generally disrespecting any professional medical opinion that went against the White House position...and I don't know if they've unfriended me....and if so...I don't need those idiots in my life.

It's nice to see you, Tyson.

Yes, it is sad. You obviously were looking out for their best interests. I think that it's easy for people to feel embarrassed or foolish when something is pointed out to them that they should perhaps change. Their reaction is expressed as anger against the friend who is actually trying to help them, not meaning their comments to be taken as criticism.

Perhaps when the dust settles they will rethink the incident and their reaction. They may either feel that what you said wasn't so egregious after all or else that it doesn't matter any more.

In my experience, it can be quite rare for people to either realize they were the ones who exacerbated a situation or that they were in the wrong in the first place, either by what they did, or didn't do, or by how they reacted to attempts to help them see something a friend thought needed attention.

I guess the lesson overall, though, is that it's often better to say nothing in many situations. But then you'd wonder how good your friendship actually was if you couldn't be honest.

Lastly, in most situations I try to think how I'd feel if the roles were reversed. Even if I know someone is right, it's difficult to accept correction when they give me their unsolicited opinion!

So, whichever way you look at it, it can be a lose-lose situation.

Kind of depressing.

But meanwhile, take care of yourself. That is the first consideration.

I'm glad we can be here to even just say hi to you. It's been a while.

I poke my head in here off and on. I'm not so much in need of "recovery" anymore, but I like to know what's going on.

My life's been busy with my family having suffered through several deaths in recent years as well as my mother's continuing cancer, but my husband and I have been okay ourselves. I'm happier than I ever was as a Mormon, and probably than I ever could have been as one.

You take care too,

Tyson



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/06/2020 05:52PM by Tyson Dunn.

In fact, my older sister and I are talking a lot more, and we haven't talked for 4 years. Our relationship has been problematic all our lives, but especially since some things happened about 13 years ago. We've been on good terms off and on. All depends on trust funds for our brothers and how they are handled.

But we are talking a lot. I'm pleased. I miss my family even if my sisters and I don't do well together.

Most of my friends and I agree on things where this is all concerned.

I think the situation has highlighted just how toxic and un-fixable the relationships are with my family, that’s if I’m ever to experience real happiness, joy and freedom in my life. So at best that was a reminder.
I annoyed someone by educating them on Fb when they claimed they thought it was some government conspiracy. Conversely, I’ve also been friendlier to people generally and this overall hasn’t been received well so I’m feeling the pain of rejection all round. For example, I texted my mentor who is a nurse and who was off sick with possible covid. I just felt that given the situation I hope that she is fine and recovered; but to some people,I’ve felt I’ve intruded on their boundaries given their lack of response to me.
It’s a lesson for me that in many ways life should just be lived as normal in terms of dealing with people. I feel sad and rejected when I’m ignored so it’s a reminder to continue to keep my carefully placed boundaries where they are because not everyone is nice in return. Maybe it shouldn’t hurt, but it does.

So I think maybe this situation makes other people clearer to me.
I have one good friend who has pulled through for me again by being there for me and checking in.
I also have an ex-boyfriend who under normal circumstances I’d never have seen again, but he checked on me and bought me food. So perhaps I have another friend now.
Life is too short to hold grudges. But it doesn’t mean I should forget the past either. One reaction I had was to try to mend the bridge between me and my TBM brother. He is always willing to talk, if I go out of my way to be friendly, but in retrospect I got nothing similar in return for my love and praise of him. So I put that down to experience and will move on again. As they say, leave muddy waters alone. I’ve now made a final decision to not look at family chat again. I’m finishing my nurse training right now, which includes writing an 8000 word dissertation on cardiac arrest. My TBM SIL is a medical scientist and is dominating the chat with expert knowledge on covid, whereas my messages on it are ignored. It’s just another small cut, but one of a thousand knives, so I’m finally out of there.
One thing that I have decided, is that I will be relocating when this is eventually over.
People show you who they are and if they’re really a friend or not during bad times. Whichever way it goes, there are always some surprises, both good and bad. And some I should have predicted.

Yes, a few relationships have become clarified. One has been mended. A few surprise friends have come forward with good deeds. I read that domestic violence is way up, but my daughter is appreciating her husband more than she ever had before.

I am so proud of my family right now, and we pull together, through encouraging and humorous texts and photos. Yeah, there’s some dark humor and zombie apocalypse references, but whatever helps people cope is fine.

I don’t let them see me cry, much.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/07/2020 02:44PM by forestpal.

I think we've all shed a few tears in recent weeks. I tell myself that it lets some of the stress out.