My dear, dear friends. It has been a long haul dealing with Mom's end of life health issues while Coronavirus made everything more difficult.
I was one of the lucky ones. When they told Mom she was under quarantine and I was no longer allowed to visit her in the nursing home she freaked. She scared them so much with her reaction that they allowed me to visit. Hard part was once they allowed me in I could not leave and return so I had to stay basically 12 hours per day so Mom would stay calm. This meant that I've been eating nothing but nursing home food for three weeks. How those patients live on that horrible food is nothing short of miraculous.
Everything was going fine until the cartilage in Mom's spine proved to be deteriorating and the horrible pain began. Mom's doctor was out of town and I could not get anyone to prescribe a pain med that was strong enough to relieve her horrible pain. She could not sleep nights due to pain and then developed pneumonia. We got the pneumonia to clear up with antibiotics but the pain continued. Finally, when the doctor returned I got the pain meds Mom needed and she started sleeping nights. Had a problem with the part-time nurses staying on top of her pain by dosing at regular intervals. I would have to drag them to Mom's room to make them dose her on time. Finally, on Sunday night, April 5th, Mom was sleeping but I was afraid which nurse would come on duty next. I broke the rules and stayed past curfew so I could be sure Mom got dosed on time. The night nurse arrived and it was one of the good nurses. He promised to dose Mom appropriately but I was still nervous and decided to stay a few hours longer. I'm SOOOOO glad I stayed. I was sitting near Mom and feeling good about how well she was breathing, sleeping, and not moaning in pain. I was trying to talk myself into going home when she stopped breathing. She was on "Do Not Resuscitate" and we had talked often about what to do when this day came. So I waited for her next breath but it did not come. She was finally at peace and out of pain forever. She died Monday morning at 1AM April 6th.
I've been busy with burial planning, bill paying, etc. that all comes with executing an estate.
No big surprise when people started calling me to say that my sis has been telling anyone who would listen that I am stealing her inheritance. Of course, she has been saying this for about the last six or seven years but now she's ramped it up to a fever pitch. I always ask, "Do you believe her?" and they say "No, but we thought you should know."
This is all about the many years (22 to be exact)that my mother has been decorating and furnishing my sister's homes. When I came back home and Mom started downsizing to smaller and smaller residences my sis resented that Mom began letting me have pieces of her old furniture. My sister had been planning getting all of Mom's things as her "inheritance" and me getting nothing. Sis thinks that by accusing me of stealing Mom's things she can force me to give everything to her. She did not plan on Mom putting in her will that she wanted me to have everything. Now Sis is royally angry and cannot say enough rotten lies about me to get even.
Good thing is Mom was coherent, rational, and competent right to the very end. We had great times talking, laughing, and even planning the vacation I'd take when she no longer needed me. She did not have Corona Virus! And fortunately her nursing home is free of the virus so far. But I'm sure glad to get out of there.
Bad thing is this horrible virus continues. I so need a vacation from care taking and dealing with my sis.
Thanks for listening. I'm home alone and social distancing. Everyone, stay safe.

Sorry about your loss.
This is a difficult time to do much of anything, much less something as complicated as handling an estate. Your sister isn't making it easy.

you stay safe as well, and I hope you soon find peace.

I sufferesd through this in 2017 when my wife died from lung cancer. I have recovered.

At least I'm glad your mom is free of pain and you were there for you when she most needed you.

Sorry about your sister. I have one sister and brother who are like that as well. I'm glad I also have good ones.

Pooped Wrote:
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> Thanks for listening.

That is what we are here for. My condolences.

So very sorry, Pooped.

I can't tell from your post if you were her son or her daughter, but to stay with her to the end is exemplary in my opinion.

Please take care of yourself. Get lots of rest.

I'm sorry for your loss. You took very good care of your mom, and I'm sure she was comforted by your presence.

I'm sorry about your sister. I would just tell the people who are "helpfully" letting you know about her complaints that they needn't do that.

Sorry for your loss and your ordeal. I'm glad you got to be with you mom right up until the end. You sure are a good child. Your mom was lucky she had you. And I hope you get a vacation soon!

So sorry, glad you were there.

Your sister, I have no words, sorry about that as well.

I am very glad you were able to be there, with her, as she died.

I know she very much appreciated your physical presence, and your emotional support.

Dealing with pain sucks. My pain doc told me last week that treating the nerve pain that i have is very tricky and difficult. And it has been a very long haul to get good relief from nerve pain in my neck. Glad your mother is out of pain though.

I would love to see a recent photo of your sister! There is such a run along the gamut of monsters!!




(Hint: my email is public...)

That's a rough situation to go through. We are thinking of you. These kind of things are always tough.

This is a tough time to lose someone since you have to go home and be alone and socially isolate. Your mother was very lucky to have you there for her to the very end.

We had total insanity after my parents died.

I wish your sister would just leave you alone. I don't know that she will, but I hope she will.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/13/2020 05:47PM by cl2.

I'm sorry for your loss, but glad you were there for the end.

Be prepared for your sister to contest the will. You really find out about your relatives when going thru a probate!

A sole living parent certainly has a right to do as she wishes, and apparently she did so appropriately--which appears to be why your sister is accusing you for what she would have done if the situation were reversed.

Thank God she wrote her will before her passing.
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My husband used to brag that his family didn't have any fights when his mother passed. However, this was because he never said a word about what he might like, and I was never in the equation in his mind, all though we had taken care of her--and her husband--most of her life, until my husband's sister told us to bring his mother to her, which we did. She promptly put their mother into a care facility--which was the appropriate thing to do.

What hurt my husbands feelings most, is that when we went to see his mother, she thought he was her brother (who had already passed away years before her).

Even after his sister repeatedly asked my husband regarding sharing the mother's jewelry, china dinner set, etc. he turned her down.

Happily, his sister took a valuable bracelet or ring(?), and divided the jewelry in it to make two pins, which she sent to my two daughters.

It seems the worse comes out of some people when they count themselves as who should get everything there is to get.

Very sad.

Condolences.We
Sad how often the sibling who was least involved with the parent somehow feels the most entitled.

Sis hadn't visited Mom for eight months and that was only to give Mom orders and get mad at her when Mom stood up and said, "No". Mom hardly ever said "No" to Sis. Sis stormed out of Mom's nursing home room and made sure to slam the door (something she always did for added affect).

At the burial, Sis made a big show of saying a prayer and giving a blessing over the casket. I didn't stay to watch/hear it. The funeral director told me. Funeral director didn't blame me for leaving before the hypocrisy started.

I had Mom to kiss, hold, and talk with for real. Sis has a phony, pathetic, hypocritical, made-up relationship she will tell to all who will listen. GAG!

Your Mother was so lucky she had you.....

Feel good about that. Its very meaningful.

I am so sorry to hear this. Such a hard thing to deal at any time but everything is more complicated right now. I am so glad you were able to be there with her. I know what it meant to her because YOU were the one able to calm her. That speaks volumes.

Screw your sister. Don't give her a damn thing including your time and energy. There is nothing - NOTHING you could do or give her that will change a damn thing. Nothing will ever be enough. She will say the same things about you. Those that know the truth know and those that don't, who cares about their opinions. One thing though, don't give her the slightest opportunity to steal from you because she will.

Wow, family can be horrible, especially at these times and it generally gets down to money. Sad but true.

Anyway, I’ve read some of your older posts on this too. I hope that when the smoke clears you can just be rid of this sister.

Amen.

It was so fortunate that you could be with your Mother when she passed away and to see that she passed peacefully. Being with someone you love at the point of their death is a profound experience. I am so sorry for your loss.

My heart goes out to you; I dealt with a similar end of life experience with one of my parents. Your mother is at peace.

Please watch your health, Pooped. The stress over death And funeral preparations are being compounded by your sister. In my case, the build up of stress and depression led to a week’s stay in the hospital due to undying health issues that I thought were under control.

Sending you good thoughts and respect, Boner

You are all so great. I really appreciate your support. It would be a lot easier for me if I could take off for a few days or a week but this pandemic has me trapped.

Eating right is a struggle. It is so much easier to go thru the drive-thru than make the trip to the store and prepare healthy food. With your reminder I will try to resist the fast food siren song.

I'm so sorry :(

I extend my deepest condolences to you at this difficult time.

I'm glad that the nursing home did the right thing in letting you visit and that you got to be with her during her last night.
I know that you were a comfort to her and that her pain would of felt worse if you weren't there.
One thing most of us have in common is a evil relative or ones that don't want to lift a finger or care, but want everything or more than their share.
I hope you get everything sorted out and when this virus crisis is over, a long overdue vacation.

Why do some siblings have to be so jealous of "things"? It's not like they can take it with them when they pass in turn...

Just editing to say that I'm glad you could make a difference in your mom's final days. My condolences, Pooped.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/22/2020 07:21PM by cuzx.

Pooped, I live a very sheltered life, almost as if I were cloistered!

I really enjoy reading first-person accounts of people going bonkers, without a prepared script.

This...

"I had Mom to kiss, hold, and talk with for real. Sis has a phony, pathetic, hypocritical, made-up relationship she will tell to all who will listen. GAG!"


...is better than anything on TV. Please, when Sis puts on another performance, let us know!! I really get a kick out of people acting out!


My mom died at age 98, in her bedroom, in our home. Hospice is ... interesting.

Wow! 98 is amazing. And she died at home without being in a nursing home. I would have loved it if I could have taken care of Mom at home but it was more than I could handle. I'm grateful she had the money to afford nursing home. My brilliant mom had taken out Long-Term Care Insurance, the best you can get. Thank Jesus for the John Hancock salesman that sold it to her 30 years ago when it was new and cheap. We got every penny of the premiums back and much more. YAY Mom!!!!!

I'd like hearing about your experience with Hospice. Everyone kept telling me to get hospice for Mom to help me out but she did not qualify. She had arthritis. Although debilitating it is not terminal. Hospice has to have a terminal diagnosis to be paid for by insurance/Medicare, whatever. I think her level of pain should have qualified her but it didn't. Oh, well.