Date: August 01, 2020 06:03PM
Let's imagine that my dear wife comes to her senses and realizes that life would be easier if she dumped me. It doesn't seem to be heading that way, but let's suppose...
Would I ever get invloved with another lady? If I did, would I want to meet someone who had never heard or the mormons or someone who was an exmormon?
I think I get a boat and learn to fish...
I cannot see being happy with someone else. As stressful as life gets becauae of mormon influence, I cannot imagine how I could have been better matched to anyone else. My wife is the best and I love her dearly.
If I became so lonely that I developed an insatiable desire for companionship, I think I would want to find someone who never heard of the church. I might be able to pretend that the whole mormon thing never happend.
Yet, for good or evil, mormonism is part of who I am now. It is like catching a virus that actually mutates your DNA. It becomes part of you even when you hate it. Sometimes I think I hate myself because I have let it become part of me and there is no getting rid of it. I feel like Captain Picard once he got his Borg implants.
I think that is one of the reasons I keep coming to this recovery forum. The mormon virus is in my blood and I want to get rid of it. But I can't get rid of it. It has changed me. I cannot unscramble that egg. It has also affected everyone I care about. I want to keep them in my life if possible.
Being a mormon brought me the things I care about the most. Keeping them seems to depend on tolerating mormonism as part of my world in perpetuity. It's a Faustian bargain... Hypothetically speaking...