My father passed away last week. He was always loving and respectful of my choice to stop being a Mormon at 15. I am 64.

I always planned to have it removed after he passed away. I have read on here that the church on purpose lefts them know.
I think this still might have hurt him He was my rock and an unconditional parent.

Is the Quit Mormon.com the easiest way to go forward?
I don't care now who in my family knows or feels about it.

Any input would be great.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/22/2020 05:17PM by beansandbrews.

Don't say "name removal". Say "resignation".

Ditto. "Name removal" is what Mormon authorities call it. The correct term is "resigning from the church."

Don't say "please remove my name," as this invites delays. Say, "I resign as of today."

It was kind of you to consider your father's feelings. It sounds like you had a good relationship. I'm sorry for your loss.

You are right about them trying to track you down. After I resigned, Mormons notified my relatives looking for my kids. I had asked them to keep my resignation confidential, but they just can't help themselves trying to keep track of everyone. They called my husband's elderly mother and told her, because they were looking for my kids. They said to her, "Don't you want your grandchildren to go to church?" The nerve.

I don't know the best process. I wrote to Church HQ with a letter informing them I am no longer a member and resigned on such-and-such a date. I told them to remove me from their rolls and not to contact me. Within a month, I got a letter saying it was "an ecclesiastical issue" that had to go through the bishop. They do this because they want to verify you are who you say, find out if children are to resign, and also to evaluate if they can excommunicate you for "morals" which looks better to the members if YOU are at fault.

Anyway, the bishop contacted me and wanted to meet. I told him I would not meet but verified his questions over the phone. Eventually I got a letter saying I was out and trying to invite me back by letting me know the dire consequence's of leaving (eye roll).

I believe they have simplified the process over the last decade or two. You might be able to resign online.

Good luck!

Again, sorry for the loss of your father.

"and also to evaluate if they can excommunicate you for "morals" which looks better to the members if YOU are at fault."

That was ended by the Hickok case of (I believe) 1985. It assured the right to resign, even if they have started excommunication proceedings. The only thing they can do now is check to see if you have already been excommunicated. If that is the case, there is nothing for you to resign from. You are already not a member.


"You might be able to resign online."

You can resign via email. As far as I know, you cannot resign "online"

You can use Quit but the church requires your request to be notarized. An extra hoop to jump through.

OTOH, if you email Member Records directly you don't need a notary. The church will probably contact you to confirm it's actually you, but other than that they can be expected to process the resignation without further backtalk.

Details here:

https://www.exmormon.org/remove.htm

The third option is to start the process by contacting the bishop. Not recommended as it depends on leadership roulette.

Beansandbrews, I would go ahead and use the email option. You want to go through Member Records because a bishop might sit on your resignation. You can copy him on the email if you wish.

For Quit Mormon you would need your resignation notarized. You might also need to send a photocopy of your I.D. to the lawyer.

I'm very sorry that you lost your dad. That must be very difficult. I'm sure that he treasured your relationship. It was kind of you to delay your resignation until after he passed.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/22/2020 09:02PM by summer.

My solution
forget resigning Just quit
It doesn't matter if they think you are still a member if you completely disassociate yourself then whether they like it or not you no longer beong IMHO

but my daughter kept preaching to me and I wanted to make a statement, so I resigned. My boyfriend even thought it would be difficult for me. He sent me all the e-mails I'd sent him telling him I'd never resign.

I felt like a massive load had been taken off my shoulders. I have not regretted doing it for 1 second. My bishop was actually a neighbor I really like and he brought me a cinnamon roll (they are great cooks) and told me he didn't blame me, that he'd seen at least some of what I'd been through. He was great.

The catch is that if you don't resign, then you have not completely disassociated yourself from the church. You are still a member in the eyes of the law. If the church decides to assign you home teachers, or whatever they are called now, or decides to excommunicate you, you have no recourse in the courts.

You may not care about any of that, but that does not mean it does not exist.

Edit: reply the thedesertrat1



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/23/2020 01:36PM by Brother Of Jerry.

Sorry for your loss! Lost my mother in April and still dealing with her affairs. I think I'm only now starting the grieving process since I've been to busy to let my hair down.

My mother was like your father. She was terrific at unconditional love even when my sis was treating her horribly. I asked her if she was upset and she just shrugged and said that everybody has their right to their own way of expressing emotions. Go MoM!!!

Anyway.....I resigned by letter to the Church Headquarters. But you do better if you have your official church membership number. Any ward can locate it for you. I had my letter, with membership number and birthdate. That's all they need. I notorized my letter and sent it with delivery verification required. Once you have the verification that they received it and you are officially out. They might contact you requireing a certain type of procedure of their choosing but it's hog wash. With the information you provided all you need to do is let them go through whatever made-up rules they want. The law is what matters and by law all you have to do is notify them and get verification that you did so. That's the law. Good luck. You can just go to any bishop and hand him the same letter but he won't likely give you verification. He might SAY you are taken care of but many don't do anything after you have met with them. They think they are saving you from outer darkness or something. I recommend the letter to church headquarters with receipt verification. Cheers.

To add to what Pooped said, if you send your resignation directly to the Member Records department, that department (in the vast majority of cases) will follow through to make sure the job gets done. Part of the church's internal procedure is to have the bishop do part of the job. If he fails to do this, Member Records will complete the process. That's why it's best to start with them. If you don't get the confirmation within 60 days, all you have to do is shoot off another email or give them a call, and the job will get done.

Pooped -- I would say it took a full three years to complete the grieving process for my mom. We were close, and lived together for the last ten years of her life. For me, the first three weeks were the worst. In those three weeks and beyond, I gave myself little pep talks and praise for whatever I could accomplish. Thankfully I had other family members that helped me through that trying time. Like you, I found that staying busy helped immensely. I used the first six months to go house-hunting, purchase my home, pack up, and move. That kept me out of trouble!

Thanks Summer. My cousin said much the same thing about his life after his mother died. It took him a long time to recover. They started a business together and he felt her loss immensely.

I think Covid is making all this harder. Lots of things I would be doing if everything wasn't so balled up. Many people working from home makes it difficult for me to accomplish things I need and want to get done so I postpone. I've got lots of things waiting to get finished and feeling frustrated. Getting a house is something I'm interested in as well. I love getting other's input on this grieving process. It helps a lot.

The bishop wrote me a letter and claimed that some member I'd never met had heard me say I wanted to resign. So he sent a letter saying he would honor that (fake) request. He said I was out and would need counsel and to be baptized again if I ever decided to rejoin.

The bishop was frustrated with having me on the rolls, and I didn't know resignation was a n option. Yet, I am an officially resigned former member according to member records.

All the talk about requirements and demands from church officials are empty flim-flam.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/23/2020 03:31PM by Cheryl.

I've of my children resigned and I never heard a word from anyone. You milage may vary.

Thanks for all the sweet thoughts.
I will follow the info here. I didn't know about the member #.
The last official thing I had in the church was my baptism.
I will ask the bishop around here to get that for me.

My records didn't follow me to the city I moved to 30 years ago.
When my mother had asked me where I wanted them I told her if you send them here I will resign. Haven;t been bothered much.

Most of my neighbors have assumed I am Catholic since my husbands family is and it's a small town. I have been okay with that.

I realize they have no authority over me, never did. But I just never liked being associated with a racist. homophobic religion.

Thanks again for all the info. I will miss him.
It was nice as we always had an honest open relationship.
Didn't have to have those expectations between us.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/23/2020 08:17PM by beansandbrews.

The neighborhood bishop found my membership number for me.
It was at the lost member dept in SLC.
He kindly asked me if I ever gave it a chance.

I told him I started planning my escape at 14. But thank you.
Now i have that I can follow the advice on this thread.\

Again thank you.

Just put a yellow post-it note on your Bishop's door saying "This is (your name). I resign my membership in this church effective immediately. Signed: (your signature)". Job done.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gskxdl2IqqU

still fun

Hey Beans... my Dad didn’t care if I was Mormon or not either. We were lucky. So many people had their father/son/daughter/mom/etc relationships ruined over stupid church stuff. You were lucky to have a good dad in this respect. I’m sorry for your loss.

As for your decision on how to resign, I’ll let the others who know and care about that give you advice.... I just wanted to say I’m sorry and to remind you to remember him fondly.