I got dragged to Sacrament meeting last Sunday and the youth speaker talked about the importance of setting a good example. It really rubbed me the wrong way. Because it's so self-important.

I tend to think people who are actually important should try to set a good example. People like Barak Obama, Queen Elizabeth, Mother Theresa,people who are media superstars in sports and entertainment or even just parents with their children. In those venues, the person in question has a great influence for good if they choose to use it. But Mormons tend to think the whole world is looking to them to set the standard for morality and goodness.

If only they knew.

Thinking it's up to me to an example, intentionally, for random neighbors and co-workers seems like I've positioned myself above them and demand to be looked up to. Like I've jumped into the spotlight and better live up to all the people looking up to me.

Except no one is looking up to Mormons. They may like or respect them but they don't usually look to them for spiritual light. If they like them, it's the way you like a friend or an equal. Not the way you look at an adored person on a pedestal. And I really wonder how much Mormons care about setting an example because they rarely take time to analyze, or even give a second thought to, the way their "example" is coming across. They don't care really how others perceive them because they never stop to ask HOW they are being perceived. They simply want the ego-bloating feeling of being looked up to and thinking they set the bar high for all around them. They like the strokes. And it's patronizing as hell.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/01/2011 01:27AM by CA girl.

Interesting. Is it hard to stay humble when you are putting your personal righteousness above that of your neighbors?

Gotta be hard to do...

I see what you are saying, and I think it could be taken that way. I know plenty of holier-than-thou types, including several in my own family who think the world would be a better place if only everyone could be just like them.

I do think anyone can be a good example to those around them. When I go out, I try to conduct myself in what I consider to be an appropriate and respectful manner, and I suppose some people could be influenced, but I certainly never think that they will or should.

There are everyday people I know who I respect and admire, and sometimes choose to take a cue, advice, or follow their lead because I am impressed by them. I don't think any of the people I have chosen to emulate would ever go around doing what they do with the expectation that they are "setting an example". That sort of attitude does not inspire me.

The insidious aspect of "setting an example" is that it leads to extremes. Don't have a cola drink (even though not really against the word of wisdom) because you need to SET A GOOD EXAMPLE by going overboard.

Act like you really love Sacrament meeting so you will SET A GOOD EXAMPLE for others etc.

Do all kinds of things you normally wouldn't go just because it SETS A GOOD EXAMPLE for others.

Oh, and NEVER express any doubt at all about the Church or its leaders because that SETS A BAD EXAMPLE.

It was a revelation to me when I came to realize that a HUGE portion of the membership doesn't believe in most of it and doesn't even like it but acts like they do because they are SETTING AN EXAMPLE.

I hated this so much growing up! Simply because I knew kids in other churches & faiths, & kids who were completely secular, who were genuinely good kids, & they didn't need me as an 'example'. Hell I even knew JWs who were decent & not shunners.

It's almost like being a mormon is more like playing a part on stage than living a life.

Anyone worth immitating would need to be genuine.

Who wants to be a copy of a copy of a copy of a self important dweeb?

Mormons think how they look controls what others think and do. I think anyone who admires faked images is rather foolish and superficial.

When I was 12, GC was on Easter Sunday. We all got dressed in our Easter best to go sit in the dark stake center with our whole family--aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparent. My uncle brought his girlfriend, who was a nonmember. After the second session of conference (who thought this was a fun way to spend Easter Sunday with 12 kids ages 14 and under?) we were all tired, hungry and whiney. We wanted to go to dinner. The adults wanted to hang around and chit chat with other people. When the whining reached its peak, my mother pulled me aside and told me to knock it off because what is my uncle's nonmember girlfriend going to think? We want her to see how happy we all are to be members of the Church!

I kept my mouth shut, but my head said "Church sucks. Why would ANYONE want to join this church?" But I was expected to set a good example. We all were. Even my youngest cousin, who was only 3 at the time.

A budding exmo at the tender age of 12 =) I would love to tell my mother one day how she made going to Church such a miserable experience for me as a child, and THAT'S why I left.

Oh yeah I remeber all that. Being the only moremon for miles emans I also had to set an example everywhere else. Basicly it meant shut up and behave. I made a promise to my future children if I had them that they would be aloud noisy toys if they wanted them.

I think it gave us the false idea that we were somehow responsible for showing others how to live, and if we lived well (or screwed up), it might affect others besides ourselves.

In other words, just more pressure to conform. And making us think we were more important than we really were.


I think the worst part was constantly telling us that people were watching us and judging what we were doing. That just doesn't strike me as a healthy thing to tell kids.

I completely agree with imaworkingonit.

Not ahealthy thing to tell kids!

This was something that bothered me all the way through my years in the morg. I always felt that the mormons weren't real and their behaviors and words were fake. They were flat cardboard characters playing parts in a weekly wardhouse stage drama.

Then ALWAYS if we went on church outings away from the building, we were warned that everyone was watching us, judging all mormons by our behavior, and deciding if they'd like to join our church. So it was *our* fault if we didn't attract possible converts interested in missionary discussions. Barring that, the leaders always loved to talk to nonmo tourists and have them comment and compliment our cleancut looks and deportment.

It's manipulation.

"Setting a good example" to them never means standing up for the truth and leaving the church for good, despite that being a very good example indeed.

The only "example" they want is one that services the church.

Most people outside of Mormonism that mention setting a good example rarely mean anything other than having integrity.

Mormonism has twisted it into "doing what we say". It's a nice cultish buzz-phrase to keep the sheeple in line.

It goes along with the other line I always hated: Avoid the appearance of evil.

People should behave because they want to and because it is the right thing to do, not so they can show others how great they are. However, I do think parents should set an example for kids. That goes for other adults in a position of authority.

I think we can still set a good example as long as we are not phoney about it. I can't stand hypocrites and there are plenty of them in TSCC.