Recovery Board  : RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In
Posted by: schrodingerscat ( )
Date: September 15, 2020 10:25AM

https://thirdhour.org/blog/life/humor/mormon-paintings/

Whats up with MORmON homoerotic "art"?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/15/2020 02:15PM by schrodingerscat.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Dave the Atheist ( )
Date: September 15, 2020 10:33AM

It's the church of the body builders.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: logged off today ( )
Date: September 15, 2020 11:52AM

I like the helmets in #5. Both favor the Roman style, but Moroni goes fashion-forward a thousand years to add massive Viking horns.

And let's not forget Abinadi, who looks like he just won the 65-and-over National Crossfit Championship:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/image/abinadi-before-king-noah-bc303dd?lang=eng&collectionId=5144446e45c8967f25ba19fd52392443aa300449

But one of my favorite details is in the church's standard Samuel the Lamanite illustration.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/image/samuel-the-lamanite-fd6fed4?lang=eng&collectionId=5144446e45c8967f25ba19fd52392443aa300449

You'll notice in the center, as the soldiers are climbing the steps to get Samuel, the modern OSHA-approved metal safety rail preventing anyone from falling off.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: anonculus ( )
Date: September 15, 2020 03:28PM

"I think it moved"
--George Costanza

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Shinehah ( )
Date: September 15, 2020 12:23PM

Too bad Joe Smith & company didn't write more women into the story. Would have been fun to see super models of ancient America.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Chicken N. Backpacks ( )
Date: September 19, 2020 12:09PM

The women are pretty good lookin in a Maxfield Parrish kinda way, clingy wet outfits.

http://www.freeenglishsite.com/LDS/other/bm_alma.htm

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: September 20, 2020 04:10PM

Looking at that picture reminded me of a song no one has written yet:

"Steel swords and wooden staffs"

...with no bar chords, okay?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: RavenQuoth ( )
Date: September 22, 2020 09:45PM

elderolddog Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Looking at that picture reminded me of a song no
> one has written yet:
>
> "Steel swords and wooden staffs"
>
> ...with no bar chords, okay?


Steel swords, steel swords ... & wood - den staffs!

(Tune: "Big Bad John" written by Roy Acuff and Jimmy Dean)

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Dorothy ( )
Date: September 21, 2020 04:09PM

Blonde Lamanites! And ALL of those guys hit the gym at least three days a week.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Anziano Young ( )
Date: September 23, 2020 10:02AM

They must have been VERY RIGHTEOUS.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: GNPE ( )
Date: September 15, 2020 12:48PM

Where's the one of Joey sitting at a table with the plates dictating the translation sans rock-in-hat to his scribe?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: cludgie ( )
Date: September 15, 2020 03:11PM

That was that Frieberg guy, and his off-putting paintings of men's bodies.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Roy G Biv ( )
Date: September 15, 2020 03:16PM

Lugging gold plates around builds muscle.

And all the "horses" they ate...prepare the horses for the chariot as in preparing chicken for a backpack....gave them lots of protein.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: ookami ( )
Date: September 15, 2020 03:20PM

Because what's the point of making propaganda about your religion if the subjects don't look like their names were "SLAB BULKHEAD" "BUTCH DEADLIFT" "BIG McLARGEHUGE" "SLAB SQUATHRUST" "BOB JOHNSON. . .oh wait."



If you don't get these references, go watch the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode "Space Mutiny."

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: thedesertrat1 ( )
Date: September 15, 2020 03:29PM

A large number of those paintings were done by Arnold Friberg who did the heroic paintings for Cecil B.Demille's movies. He was a member of the elder's quorum I was once in.
I barely met him but I admire his paintings

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: elderolddog ( )
Date: September 15, 2020 06:24PM

"Those Nephites were hunks!"

"The guys who wiped the mats with all those Nephite carcasses must have really been truly awesome", said ElderOlddog while flexing for in front of the medicine cabinet mirror.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: nomo moses ( )
Date: September 15, 2020 07:25PM

As a young gay mormon, I really enjoyed Friberg's paintings, especially the family on the boat. The young man (Sam?) looked a lot like an older boy I had a crush on in the ward.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: sd ( )
Date: September 17, 2020 04:35PM

build strong muscles. Couple that with the dark meat from a curelom and you be strutting like Ahhhnold!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Anziano Young ( )
Date: September 19, 2020 12:08AM

that Friberg was commissioned by Church leaders to produce depictions of scenes from early Church history as well. However, these paintings have all been hidden away in the Church vault, purportedly for turning any young men who looked at Joseph Smith's swollen pectorals and Wilford Woodruff's bulging arms instantly gay.

Spencer Kimball finally had the paintings scrubbed from all Church materials, and kept the originals in an undisclosed location for, um, "personal" viewing until turning them over to the archives department in 1976.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Lot's Wife ( )
Date: September 19, 2020 12:19AM

Nicely done.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: summer ( )
Date: September 19, 2020 09:08AM

Because they are manly men!

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Heartless ( )
Date: September 20, 2020 04:15PM

They're not!

They just follow the word of wisdom.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Zelph the Apostate ( )
Date: September 20, 2020 04:30PM

bECAUSE THE CHURCH WILL MAKE YOU STRONG!

Kinda like how cigarette ad's make smokers look cool.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: messygoop ( )
Date: September 21, 2020 03:59PM

I always thought the pictures within the BoM didn't help it, only made it look more like fiction. That's what I thought as a member and I usually didn't pick up giant pictures from the library as a primary teacher.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: JoeSmith666 ( )
Date: September 22, 2020 04:32PM

Maybe the artist was a closeted Gay and painted what he was longing for?

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: Mtorres ( )
Date: September 22, 2020 09:57PM

Million dollar question is did they all receive their endowment.

Options: ReplyQuote
Posted by: schrodingerscat ( )
Date: September 23, 2020 11:36AM

As an artist, before I was Mormon and while I was Mormon, I always compared the Arnold Freiberg paintings of Book of MORmON heroes to Michealangelo's renderings. Anatomically they were amazing.

Options: ReplyQuote
Go to Topic: PreviousNext
Go to: Forum ListMessage ListNew TopicSearchLog In


Screen Name: 
Your Email (optional): 
Subject: 
Spam prevention:
Please, enter the code that you see below in the input field. This is for blocking bots that try to post this form automatically.
 ********  ********  **     **  **     **  ********  
    **     **    **  ***   ***   **   **   **     ** 
    **         **    **** ****    ** **    **     ** 
    **        **     ** *** **     ***     ********  
    **       **      **     **    ** **    **        
    **       **      **     **   **   **   **        
    **       **      **     **  **     **  **