Posted by:
Mormonious the Roman!
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Date: September 20, 2020 04:24PM
Who is going to get the Honor of Doing Ruth Bader Ginsberg's Temple work??? WHO?
Hitlers? DOne.
Stalin? Done.
Mao.... Dunno
William Henry Harrison... DOne.
Not many real people left in the US.... And the creation of Names by Priestcrafthood is still in its infancy....
Who will do RBG?
FUrther more, to inspire more temple work, we should make it a quiet contest of what members are proxies for famous people.
Elvis? DOne.
Just think, in OPEN MIKE SUNDAY, some youngster could get up and say "I was doubting everything, but them I was baptized for and behalf of Julius Ceaser! and my faith has never been stronger!"
Harry Truman? Done.
Bishops interviews could ask "So, who in the kingdom of the Dead have you saved?" and if they cant name some famous household names, which most cant, then they can say "You need to attend the temple more often!"
What about Hugh Heffener? who gets to do his work???
"Hey everyone! I got not only Charlexs Degaulle but also Winston Curchill! Im one holy sun of a beach!"
COntests will make temple work grow and be more popular!!!
Like a sacrament lottery! (I proposed this once) That you put a redc dot on the bottom of a sac cup and whoever gets it, it can be said, may boast of a personal witness to Christ!
BTW, anyone ever pee in the Font?
Like when the retarded child in my class was... um... how to say this... stimulating the spirit of procreation in the temple locker room in st g. He was not quiet about it either.
but, back to the temple work. Ah the temple, where old people can go to treat younger people like crap.
I didn't do much temple work, I was a bad boy. I just didn't go.
My first time I wore the naked poncho. I was on a massive regimine of antibiotics which had the unfortunate sideffect of liquefying my bowels.... when I was 'pushed (poked? Jab bed? fondled?) in the tummy that my bowels my be strong, the containment field failed and we had a breech of less than temple worthiness. It ended right there. I have never been chastised THAT MUCH before or since. It was 18 months before attempt 2 at taking the endowment out.... I left them endowed. Running down my leg, on their poncho and on the holy carpet.
Back to the Work in temples. WOrk? if itsz work then we should be paid. Temples would be more peopular if they gave you a credit against your tithing every time you went.
BUT
That will affect church revenue. So.... Charge an entry fee to get in the temple. if stats show scertain days or times of the year have too many or two few, raise and lower the admission fee. Celestial economics.
The Church would do good to adopt a tithing code as complicated as the tax code... perhapse even randomly call members for a tithing and celestial audit.
WALL OF SHAME!
...or a wall of exaltation! I got this idea in primary. When I was small, they had a wall of levels, or degrees, and then a star wsith each kids name on it. Depending on talks given, prayers given, and loudness in singing, their stars would rise. At the top was written 'Heavenly Fathers house' and we were all told we wanted to make it to his house.
Apparently he was giving candy to strange children or something.
Anyway, the ward bulletin board could have members names on it and their estimation of "if they died today, what degree of glory would they attain?"
TEMPLES TO THE EXTREEME!
Imagine, a talk given in GC where a bogus story (they never use bogus material in GC, but we can hope) tells about the rich man, who sold everything, gave all the money to the church and then camped out on the lawn of the temple so that he could live his life in the shadow of the lord and attend the temple, every session, every day. The most celestial existence possible.
Mormon cemeteries:
Can we have a final judgment engraved on tombstones? a sign or symbol that says which kingdom they made it to? Ressurection be dammed! (Besides, its been stated the Joe Smith has been resurrected even though his bones still lay in the ground-oh wait, just his imperfect bone that he use to penetrate teenagers). There we know where the dead stand!
Who will do RBG's work???
I KNOW!
My brothers and sisters, it has now been revealed to me that a new directive in temple work come forth!
We will have a list of famous names to go through the temple and to the side we will have an enhanced tithing donation necessary to do that name. On top of the 10%, say, if you wanted to be Marlyn Monroe (FYI, her work has already been done) you have to pay an additional $12,500.00 USD in tithes.
This will be the Church of the 21st century!
Oh darn, I seem to have went off my church meds again....
<Drinks the watery, vaguely orange, churchaid>
...eyes glass over...
...mind fogs...
...blinking stops...
I know the Church says it is true. I know Joesph Smith turned a Profit. Love Temples and Tithing. And I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ (in name of, not the spirit of, or the teachings of--we just need the name).
Amen.