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Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
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Posted by: thedesertrat1 ( )
Date: November 21, 2020 01:39PM

Do to being able to say what I think out loud this forum has given me the release I needed to offset the emotional damage done to me by Mormonism. I say what I think and even though there are times when I get severely pounced on by other members I still feel at liberty to say it as I see it
I believe that without this outlet I could have concievably gone insane.
So whether you agree with me or not from time to time Thank you.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/21/2020 01:45PM by thedesertrat1.

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Posted by: ziller ( )
Date: November 21, 2020 03:50PM

the desert rat 1 ~



OPie makes some good posts here ~



keep posting OPie ~

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Posted by: Adam the warrior ( )
Date: November 22, 2020 01:15PM

its hard to impress ziller so you are golden.

Ziller approved. Not even I have been Ziller approved yet.

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Posted by: praydude ( )
Date: November 21, 2020 05:34PM

When I was really trying to process what happened to me while I was in the cult (really the first 32 years of my life) I really needed to talk to other people about what it is like leaving mormonism. My nevmo wife found a group nearby that had recovery meetings and I'm so glad I was able to meet with them and gripe about mormonism for a while. It was VERY helpful. This board has been helpful too.

I've been out since 2004 and I still visit this site all of the time.

BTW - you rock if you are reading this. It means that you have been able to summon your inner strength and leave a damaging cult even though it means that you will probably loose every person you care about who is still in. I believe that many people still in the cult don't even get this far.

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Posted by: Devoted Exmo ( )
Date: November 21, 2020 06:00PM

Hurraaayyyy for RFM! I came here in the late 90's looking for a few laughs at mormonism, and stayed for everything else.

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Posted by: bradley ( )
Date: November 21, 2020 08:24PM

I come here to mock the church, like Paul or Alma the Younger but in reverse. I thought the church was greatest thing ever, but then the truth found a way in.

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Posted by: librarian ( )
Date: November 21, 2020 09:23PM

I discovered RFM in 1998, and have read it almost every day, trying to understand why a sensible girl like my daughter would join up and defend her choice so fiercely.
My Buddhist son says to just "let it go:, but I still would like to ask her if she is going to watch "The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City."

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Posted by: Claire Ferguson Benson ( )
Date: November 21, 2020 09:52PM

I've met so many amazing exams in the UK through this board. Especially my Gay Best Friend (his moniker was GayRM on here), who is like family to me. We met at an exmo meet-up in London, on 11 December 2005 and I send him a 'happy anniversary' message every year. I recall the date because, ironically, it was the anniversary of my going through the temple in 1984.

I was a regular(ish) on here for quite a while after I left the church. This board, and the amazing people on here, helped me so much; I still remember, and often quote, some of the things I learnt from you all.

I rarely come on here these days but I should, you guys rock.

And, despite the recent addition to my surname, I didn't in fact meet my husband on here... his sister and I were missionary companions in 1985 and we met through her.

Thank you everyone!

#givethanks

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Posted by: Soft Machine ( )
Date: November 22, 2020 12:37PM

I imagine congratulations are in order :-D

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Posted by: Adam thr warrior ( )
Date: November 22, 2020 01:12PM

I use this forum as an outlet as well. Even though i admit I am not the most knowledgeable when it comes to actual church history to even debate on here.

I come here to mainly laugh and post videos that make me laugh even if it does not make others laugh. You can't make everyone laugh. I think real laughing is therapeutic. Things were so ridiculously stacked against me from a young age that I just have to laugh about it all sometimes.

I think you were the one that helped veer me to investigate and understand narcissistic supply because I was used as supply to narcissist parents without even knowing it. My life was more than just being born and raised in a cult unfortunately.

Anyways, I think you and I were imagining ourselves on a canoe or kayak to kolob when the world was predicted to end a few years back and we were joking about it.

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Posted by: catnip ( )
Date: November 24, 2020 01:52AM

Adam, you have come so far since you joined this group some years back! You were so filled with rage, you practically tripped over yourself in an effort to express it.

These days, you seem remarkably laid-back, even laughing about things sometimes.

Congratulations are in order, and they are heartily sent from this bewhiskered old Kitty!!

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Posted by: Adam the warrior ( )
Date: November 24, 2020 02:22AM

I just really wanted to understand why nothing made sense from a young age. It was all wrong. I needed some real answers of why it was all wrong. From the religion to my loveless family, I needed some answers of why I felt pushed to end my own life all the time. I felt i was groomed, brainwashed systemically, intimidated by scare tactics. Felt my life was in danger if i left the religion or ran away from home. I knew for sure one of my parents was extremely dangerous more than the other. I still kind of fear that one parent if I am honest even though my living address now is unknown to them on purpose. Even at my age I still think they are dangerous towards me. I have a lot of experience around these trivk covert narcissists. They can trick the public and the law but they do not trick me. I have seen the real them behind closed doors. It would terrify adults not just kids. Beyond scary. I am just now after 4 years of counseling talking about seeing my fathers mask come off and the terrifying 'thing' that I saw. I know others have seen a narcissists mask come off and have seen the horrifying 'thing' that i have seen. Its the reason I believe in demons. I have seen it manifest from my father. It isn't human and I don't care what anyone in the medical or scientific community says to downplay Narcissistic personality disorder. I was around it for more than 3 decades of my life. It is beyond mental illness. I was lucky to get away alive.

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Posted by: iceman9090 ( )
Date: November 24, 2020 11:11PM

Adam the warrior Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------


“I just really wanted to understand why nothing made sense from a young age.”

==What didn’t make sense? The mormon religion? How did it not make sense? It didn’t fit in with what is discovered through science?

“I have a lot of experience around these trivk covert narcissists.”

==Narcissists are pretty nasty people.
There is a nice video about it in my catalogue:
worshipping narcissists | qualiasoup & theramintrees [cc]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qjZ3f-IXEXU
By TheraminTrees
Length = 30:42

~~~~iceman9090

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Posted by: Adam the warrior ( )
Date: November 25, 2020 03:42AM

Yea the mormon religion made no sense and my family made no sense. Parents could not feel love on any level and it was like i was around actors trying to act like how thought a parent should act from like watching a sitcom or something and the copying the parent characters.

Narcissists are the nastiest people or 'things' that you could ever come across that appear human only in physical appearance. Everything beyond that is acting. You could be in a loveless marriage right now with a covert narcissist and not even know it, that has been using a pretend front but is secretly destroying you as the years go by until there is nothing left of who you were before you met them.

My father is the most ruthless individual I have ever known but the public do not know the monster that he truly is. His acting is that good to everyone else. Acts like Mr. Righteous to this day but behind closed doors its a whole different monster entirely. Most terrifying 'thing' i had ever been around and I was around it a lot. My mother was terrifying as well but not like my father. The covert narcissist is the most deadly creature to humans on this earth in my opinion. Hands down. By the time a person realizes they have been ensnared by one it is usually too late before they are left barely alive and barely functioning like i was after they were done with me basically over a lifetime of brainwashing and manipulation with the help of religion on top of it all to control me.


I could also feel that something was off because I can feel empathy from a young age. I could feel actual real love and could tell that the people around me could not. I could actually feel that my parents could not feel this. I felt no love from them. Eventually I did become loveless like them with time and their constant persistence to make me like them with hate in their hearts 24/7 basically.

I also felt zero love from people in the religion and went beyond just my parents not feeling love. It was all the same empty roboticism all around me. The empathy program was missing from many individuals in the religion or cult. Especially in the leadership positions. An entirely loveless environment as a whole growing up basicslly.

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Posted by: Adam the warrior ( )
Date: November 25, 2020 03:55AM

I've actually seen that YouTube video before haha. I already had a 'like' on it. I used to watch a lot of Theramintree videos in the past. They actually helped me as I was trying to understand and uncover this whole narcissist rabbit hole that I had been a victim too and ensnared in from a young age without even realizing it until it was too late basically.

I'm still learning about it because these predators never quit. And I know that hoovers are still being attempted to hoover me as we speak especially with the holidays coming up. They see me as an object that they own literally. They do not see me as a human on any level. Its a crazy disorder for a parent to have but i think they hide in religion and start pretend families to have constant fuel sources in their children like automatically. Its pretty sick. All of it is. But sadly all true.

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Posted by: Adam the warrior ( )
Date: November 24, 2020 02:31AM

Are you the one that had a parent with narcissitic personality disorder? You have probably witnessed the same things and seen the same terrifying and crazy and abnormal behavior that I saw.

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Posted by: CA girl ( )
Date: November 22, 2020 03:05PM

I've gotten "attacked" for my opinion a couple of times but honestly, it has always made me think, reasses and sometimes research my position. I haven't always changed my mind but when I haven't, it has given me a chance to clarify my opinion. That being said, 97 percent of the time people have been extremely helpful, kind and supportive. The other 3 percent of the time, they make me think. So it is all good.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2020 03:06PM by CA girl.

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Posted by: iceman9090 ( )
Date: November 24, 2020 11:03PM

CA girl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I've gotten "attacked" for my opinion a couple of
> times but honestly, it has always made me think,
> reasses and sometimes research my position. I
> haven't always changed my mind but when I haven't,
> it has given me a chance to clarify my opinion.
> That being said, 97 percent of the time people
> have been extremely helpful, kind and supportive.
> The other 3 percent of the time, they make me
> think. So it is all good.

Opinion about what?

~~~~iceman9090

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Posted by: azsteve ( )
Date: November 24, 2020 10:08PM

RFM is a good place to bear your reverse-testimony, to un-do years of brain washing. "I know the mormon church is a cult. I know that Joseph Smith was a sex obsessed child molester and that if God does exist, that I certainly won't find proof of it in this life.....". These testimonies and your sanity are found in the bearing of them. After a while, it seems perfectly natural to say the same things to your friends and relatives who are still active Mormons.

So you deny the obvious falsehoods and live a good life anyway, true to yourself. Meanwhile, many of those who are still stuck in the cult are telling lies about what they supposedly "know" when they don't know anything, while being completely ignorant in many cases, about their own hypocrisy.

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Posted by: Bicentennial Ex ( )
Date: November 24, 2020 11:25PM

You are a better person for being here as are so many others.
So glad for you. Please be here for us, as we need you and so
do others.

BcE

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: November 25, 2020 10:36AM

I always envied people who could do what I was raised not to and that was say what they thought and let the chips fall where they may. There is power in that, you know?

This board has helped me get a lot closer to that goal. You seem to be pretty good at it thedesertrat1, and I have liked that about you.


When I heard about RFM I thought the idea of "having to recover" sounded ridiculous, absolutely ridiculous. I was so thrilled to realize the church was false I was floating. I hit the ground running and never looked back. 1973.

What I didn't realize is I had buried a lifetimes worth of pain all the way to China. I unearthed it here. Helped a lot.

I come here because I get a connection that I enjoy and could never get from the beautiful never-mo's in my life.

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Posted by: Breeze not logged in ( )
Date: November 26, 2020 06:06AM

I'll never forget my first post here on RFM, 11 years ago. I came here to find real answers to the Mormon rules and regulations about temple marriage. Why was my ex-temple husband allowed to remarry in the temple the day after our divorce was final, without even informing me, when I was never allowed a temple divorce or any remarriage to a good Mormon man? The bishop and stake president even forced me to track down my ex and have him fill out a form and write a letter of permission for me to remarry, and give his judgment of my worthiness to go to the temple, but I still wasn't granted a temple divorce. BTW, my ex beat me almost every day, injured me permanently, and strangled me until I lost consciousness. He also asaulted other people, including his second and third temple wives and their children. Why was my friend, who's father was a Mormon big-shot and good friend of GBH, allowed a temple divorce, merely because she and her husband "fell out of love?

I wanted to know WHY my temple ex-husband wife-batterer, who had several undisclosed arrests for assault and battery, was still "a member in good standing" while I was blamed and marginalized, and gossipped about. I wanted to know how to get a temple divorce, so he wouldn't stalk or threaten me and my family.

I still believed in Mormonism enough that I did not want to spend all of eternity as one of the wives of this monster.

It took courage to post that, especially thinking that my violent ex might figure it out, so I changed some of the details that had nothing to do with my questions, and retained my anonymity. I'm so glad RFM allows that. I was safe.

After laying low for a few days, I decided to check and see if maybe someone had answered my questions. I was shocked to see that the entire thread was full!

There were so many posters telling me that I wasn't alone! Some had had similar experiences, or had known someone. They didn't blame me! They didn't shame me!

The people who answered were so understanding, so sympathetic, that I burst out crying! I had never felt secure enough to tell anyone about the horrors of my marriage. Their advice made sense. Finally, my cognitive dissonance was going away, with each new Truth I learned.

I had vowed to never marry again. With RFM's help, I realized that the temple marriage thing was a hoax, and that the only way to end it was to resign from the cult. Yes, I had been the victim of a hoax cult! Yikes!

Resigning from the cult was the best way for me to overcome my PTSD from the beatings, and to escape from Mormonism, and recover from being lied to, and punished, and called names, by my cruel, authoritarian Mormon parents, who did not love me unconditionally. It ended there. I have always loved my OWN children unconditionally, and I rescued them from the cult, also.

How could I ever thank RFM enough for helping me save my children? They had been happy in every aspect of their lives--except for church. They actually had been physically abused by the Mormons! My sons had been hit, kicked, and thrown around by the priesthood leaders, and my daughter had been molested at a church campout, by the bishop's hideously ugly son. My children had been threatened, had been AFRAID to tell me about these incidents, until the day we left.

I realized, from the experiences of others on RFM, as wellas my own, that he Mormon cult is no place for a divorced single woman or her children. I was unattended by a husband or any grown male, and we were treated as easy prey. I, and many of my single Mormon friends--male and female--were conned and harrassed by Mormon men (and women)--more of them married than single--including a married bishop, a stake president's counsellor, our children's dentist, my own brother-in-law, some members of the ward and stake choirs, widows who were "funeral mongers" and golddiggers. I was not unique, because the same men hit on other women that I knew, and that were honest. These men, and others, creeped out my children. Really, there was a very creepy vibe in our ward, and we are very happy being out of that situation! I learned about the REAL Joseph Smith, and about the rampant Narcissism, that Adam and others write about. My kids and I made good life-long NON-Mormon friends, and they all married well, and live nearby.

RFM has been a teaching website for me and my children.

For Thanksgiving, we're some of the lucky ones. No one has died or is sick. The kids are all in school. We're going to walk or drive to each other's houses, only a few blocks away, and visit on our back patios, while my grandchildren play around, all wearing masks, or course, and distancing 6 feet apart. We're not bothering with communal food or drink at all, except each little family in their own house will cook their own turkey dinner, their way.

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Posted by: Done & Done ( )
Date: November 27, 2020 10:36AM

Very very nice post. Thanks.

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