I like the one where God and Jesus pray to Joseph Smith, and he tells them about the true way to operate the universe, and ultimately gives them the keys to everything. Ok, I'm being a little sarcastic. ;)
My favorite, is the one with the attack from the dark spirit. When God and Jesus suddenly show up, there is no mention of the dark being, its identity, nor how it was banished and defeated.
If I believed any of it really happened, I'd make a case for the sudden appearance of two figures in light that Joseph doesn't physically touch, were actually the same being that attacked him, using an illusion or costume change. And this whole time, Joseph Smith was an ignorant agent of Lucifer/dark entities and the Book of Mormon is actually a tool to bring about the Antichrist and the end of the world.
But neither God nor the Devil exist and Joseph Smith was just a horny liar.
When I was a kid and there was still only the one version this is what I remember:
Poor innocent Joseph was confused about which church to join and after reading in the bible to ask of God with a pure heart which he had because he was the purest of all he went to the woods and did ask and the darkness came over him and tried to destroy him, but then two Heavenly beings appeared to him and of all things turned out to be God the Father and his Son Jesus Christ.
After they told him none of the churches were true that they were all an abomination, that they drew close to God with their words but their hearts were far from it, that they opened their robes to show Joseph that they had bodies of flesh and blood. Seemed to implied that they were naked and he saw their bosoms and the word bosom was a loaded word for me by then. Didn't know how to compute that as I was kind of a goody goody and already knew sex was dirty.
Then they told Joseph that they would restore their church through him cuz being all omnipotent they could see that Joseph could sell anything--anything. Then they closed their robes and left to have lunch with Peter James and John who were about to go down on yet another world and rearrange some mass, return, and report.
Think of it like the variations between the Gospels. I mean, if stuff in the Bible can contradict itself and people buy it on hearsay, JS is in good company. The only difference is that JS's stories were comparatively recent which makes the nonsense more obvious.
I like the version that Smith's followers in the 1830's were told about. You know, the one where Nephi/Moroni appeared to Joe in his bedroom while his brothers were sleeping and told Joe to knock off the "foibles of youth" stuff or he would never ever get to touch those golden plates.
I like the one where one of the apparitions says to Joe Jr. "Hey dude I am God and this is my Kid. Pay attenrion to what he says or I will kick you ass!!!!!"
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/29/2020 02:54PM by thedesertrat1.
How about that one where JS's brother Hyrum yells out in the middle of the night, "Hey Mom! Joseph is masturbating again and muttering about some guy in a open white robe. Can you tell him to shut up so we can go back to sleep?"