I turned 27 last fall and I'm starting to realize most of my life was taken up by Mormonism and mental illness. Here I am finally figuring myself out and trying to recover, but I feel like I'm getting too old to make any significant life changes or do what I want to do with my life. All of my friends are married with kids and here I am with no degree, tons of student loan debt, unable to function as a real adult because of how wrapped up in Mormonism I was, etc. Sometimes I wonder what the point of trying is.

Sorry to vent, I'm just in a low point right now. There was so much I could've been doing with my life.

There's a point of view that says, "Everyone could have done better; everyone could have done worse."

There are those who with all the resources and support in the world have completely F'ed up their lives.

There are those who nobody would have had the slightest hope could succeed, but did.

From where you are right now, there are innumerable paths that would take you to places you'd be happy to get to. No one can or should take you by the hand to lead you there, but you hopefully you have friends or people who care for you who might be able to point out possible next steps.

Don't live your life to conform to the dreams you once had; live it to be better, one day at a time. Gotta learn to enjoy where you are, not lament about where you're not.

(Wow! Look at me being all motivational! Me, the laziest exmo sumbitch RM there ever was!)

I know, you had me a little worried there for a minute.

Hahahahaha!

Oh, Bob! It takes one to know one!

I agree with everything EOD said.

In addition, you need to figure out (as well as is practicable) "who" you are, and "what" you are about.

Along your path, you're going to make some decisions which turn out to be right for you, and some decisions you're going to figure out are not-so-right for you. Be aware that BOTH are integral parts of the process of discovering "who" you really are as a person.

I suggest you make a few lists:

1) Things You've Always Been Kind of Interested In (though you may not know anything much about them, and though right now you may not have any of the necessary skills which are required)

2) Things You've Never Been Interested In And Don't Think You Ever Will Be. (You may find that items on this list may appear different now, as you evolve and expand your personal awareness.)

3) A shorthand account of the "ideal you" you would someday like to be, including the life you (right now) think you would like to someday live, the kinds of companions you would like to have along on that journey, etc. (Do not censor yourself with "what is likely," or "what is practical" or "what [I] can afford," because all of these may change as you begin to envision, and then fit yourself into, your new life and your new perceptions of yourself.)

4) Things you've learned about yourself, and about life, which seem to be of solid and lasting value. These may also change, but you can't get to where you will [ideally] wind up without starting where you are right now.

Once you have your lists, you can then begin changing them as you try this-or-that and learn, by experience, if it REALLY is (or is NOT) for you. This can take some years, as you try one thing, learn what you can from it, and then (with your new wisdom about yourself) try another.

I'm going to suggest something else which may, or may not, work for you: Think back to when you were growing up--to when you were watching TV shows, reading books and magazines, having all the adventures--both IRL and also imaginary--that kids have growing up. Somewhere in "that" vision of yourself, can often be some real and lasting truths about "who" you really are as a human being. For me, I can look back to the person I was in fifth grade (in particular) and clearly "see,' from that person, the adult I was pretty much destined to become.

One caution: Don't carry the belief that "if you start something, you must finish it." Give yourself about fifteen or so years to learn about yourself, and that means: you can try something out and then decide that it's not for you, and this is JUST FINE. This is what you need to do to find out who you truly are inside.

Think about yourself in the year 2036 (fifteen years from now).

Who (in your imagination) "is" that person?

What are that person's values?

What kind of lifestyle does that person [with happiness and contentment] live?

What has that person done (both the things that worked out well, and also the things that did NOT work out as planned) in the previous fifteen years, that led to being the person that person is going to be in 2036?

Expect some missteps along the way.

Do your best to keep to your own expanding and lasting values along the way.

If you keep learning about yourself (as you go through your real-life experiences from now to 2036), you will likely find that you wind up in a place in 2036 you probably cannot imagine right now....but it will probably turn out to be the exactly right "place" for you to be.

I wish you grease to your elbows (an African blessing), and deeply rewarding adventures. :)



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 01/30/2021 09:23PM by Tevai.

Quoting myself: "I'm the laziest exmo sumbitch RM there ever was!"

Quoting Tevai: "I agree with everything EOD said."



Well, thanks a lot!!!

27 is certainly not too old to make positive changes :)

cinda Wrote:
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> 27 is certainly not too old to make positive
> changes :)


You have at least another fifty years of life, if not more, to go.

You're like a teenager with ten years of life experiences to help with the direction you want your life to go.

You are at your prime, make the most of the opportunity.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/01/2021 12:23AM by tumwater.

Oh man, I wish I was 27 again, with the chance to turn my life around. My opinion: You're procrastinating, Not comfortable with all that change incurs. Carpe Diem.

I was a good little mormon girl, but no mormon guys liked me. Ended up married at age 27 to a gay guy. We had twins when I was 28. He left the kids and I when I was 38. He did not treat us well. We ended up in bankruptcy, which I paid as we did a 13 so we could save the house, which I paid for. It was such a rough time. I found a good therapist who is exmo who I say saved me.

I told him once that I had failed (well probably more times than once) because of the bankruptcy and I had, get this one, 12 check loans at one time. I worked 2 jobs. My therapist said to me that I had at least filed for bankruptcy and didn't lose the house rather than just letting it go into foreclosure. I had the utilities turned off once. I used to have anxiety attacks when I'd get my checks (I do production in medical transcription and I'd never know for sure what my checks were). My son would open them for me. My dog got killed. The list goes on and on.

And somehow, some way I picked up the pieces of my shitty life and I am 63 now. My kids are raised and they have some problems. My son has mental health issues. My daughter got married at 33 and just had a miscarriage. She could have gotten married long before if she hadn't wanted a good mormon guy. She got a good guy--the best guy I could have hoped for.

My boyfriend from age 20 came back into my life 16 years ago and it hasn't been easy. He went through a divorce, too, and lost his job 3 times in the first 4 years we were in a relationship. He is a chemist who develops circuit boards. All the jobs have pretty much gone to China.

There is SO MUCH MORE LIFE TO LIVE ahead of you and there will be good and there will be bad. You pick up the pieces and move and DO NOT GIVE UP. Get a dog. Work an extra job to pay your student loans. I stayed for my kids, but I'm glad I did anyway. My kids deserved me to stick around. There are people who need you and love you. Please see what help you can get. Find a therapist if you can. No divorcing my husband made it possible for me to have therapy as I have his insurance and I've been in therapy off and on for 24+ years. And my therapist is one of my best friends (even out of the office). I could not have made it here without him.

I chose to stop fighting with him (which my kids thanked me for) and his second boyfriend told him he needed to start treating us better or he would lose his kids. He lives here in the house with my son and I. He is one of my best friends. My boyfriend lives 8 miles away and he doesn't care if my living situation is as it is. Somehow we've made things work between all of us--SOMEHOW. When he left me in 1996, I never would have thought it would get to this point--EVER.

There is NOT ONE THING in my life that went as I had planned. There are good surprises and there are tough times.

You are an example to me. I found out Mormonism was bs twice. It took me a long time to complete my separation from it.

I know someone who works for housing at a university. She said that they have a new resident. He's 71 years old and going back to school. He's living on campus with all the younger students because, why not?

It's never too late to make a positive change.

Also, what elderolddog said. It took me longer than it should have to learn that. But here I am lamenting how long it took me to learn to stop lamenting...

27!!!!
Oh, to be 27 again!
I was 50 when I started over.
16 years later, I'm better than I ever was.
START OVER!
(the rest is easy)

You're 27. 1/3 of your life expectancy. 1/3 of your current age is 9. Look how you've come since then. You're a pup and now free. Fly, grasshopper and learn, contribute to and enjoy life for another 50+ years.

Twenty-seven is young. I went back to school when I was 34. I took on a whole lot of debt to do that, which took a while to sort out. But I've had a good career and will be able to retire in a few years.

Most life options are still open to you -- most lines of work, marriage, kids, whatever you want. Most nevermos don't get married until their late 20s, and marrying in your 30s is not unusual. You are fine. Figure out what you want your life to look like by the time you are 40, and work for it, whatever that may be.

Try not to compare yourself to other people. Everyone's life is unique, and there really is no pattern. It's not like other people are privy to some secret that you've been locked out of. People that are a little slow out of the gate can be strong finishers (and vice-versa.) Just figure out what would make you happy, and go get it. You are as capable as any other person.

28 year old here. Family are all Mormons and insane. The whole time I was in the cult, my anxiety kept telling me "don't make any waves, go with the flow and things won't get worse." A few years later, I figured out that trying to change a bad situation sometimes makes things worse, but doing nothing to change a bad situation always makes things worse.

Will you fall on your ass if you try to take your life in a new direction? Yes. Do you have to stay down when it happens? No.

Also, don't be afraid of asking for help. That's what therapists, support groups, and classes are for.

Jazz Wrote:
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> I ...realize most of my life was taken up by Mormonism and
> mental illness.

How can you tell you've lived "most" of your life (already)?

> ... I am finally figuring myself out >

You are always figuring yourself out. If you do finally figure your selfout, please tell us how you did it, because many of us are also trying [to figure you, I mean ourselves, out].

> ... I feel like I'm getting too old to make any significant life changes or do what I want to do with my life. >

You mean you had, say, ONLY 9 years of choosing, changing, growing [between 18 & 27]? And nothing significant, interesting or possible is bound to happen in your future? The rest of yore story has been written?

> There was so much I could've been doing with my life. >

That's no excuse. That's lamenting. What about doing what you're saying?

Have you ever heard the saying "Today Is The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Life"?

If there is no interest, no excitement, no joy, you have to manufacture it. It doesn't always come out of thin air.

Yes to what everybody wrote.

I, too, expected to find a 60 or 70 year old "Jazz." But, in your twenties and thirties is a great time to have these more weighty thoughts.

Be kind to yourself! Learning, flexibility, open-mindedness, adaptation, experimentation, imagination, exploration--all these are positive traits! I was able to get through my life with a great deal of joy, because I knew who I was and what I valued. Like Tevai, I'm still pretty much who I was in the fifth grade, and have stood by my basic values--however, I was able to figure out how to adapt to things I could not control.

My life went much like Cl2's life, and I'm glad she posted here.

I was raised a Mormon, to become a SAHM mother of three, just like my mother. I fell in love at first sight in the fifth grade, with Mormon boy, who reminded me of my father. I felt that I was supposed to marry that boy in the temple, but he studied his way out of the Mormon church. In graduate school, he asked me to marry him, but told me that he didn't want children. That was completely out of my control, but I still had an education, my values, family and friends, and I didn't know it, but I was in beginning of a booming career in Silicon Valley. The dream of True Love and motherhood was gone, but I focused on what I DID have. I did end up getting married to a Mormon in the temple, and had 3 children. My husband was a serial cheater before and after we were married, but I didn't know that. He started to abuse me and our children.

No one can see the future! No one. That doesn't mean it won't be good, and that doesn't mean we can't prepare ourselves.

I was a temple-married Mormon mother, RS President, conservative Republican, soccer Mom, battered wife, depressed, and hopeless. My narcissistic husband completely abandoned me and our children, and it was up to me to find us a place to live, and get a job that would support us all--and I was a "nothing." How could a "nothing" ever accomplish all of that?

You do what you need to do, one day at a time. Some of it you figure out as you go along, and some of it you aim for, like your own personal dream. I was constantly visualizing the life I wanted for us all, and it came true! There were moments of joy and love and laughter every day. My children ended up with a good work-ethic and self-esteem, because they always had jobs. They are happy today, with their own homes, nearby, and spouses and children of their own.

Along the way I had to break with some of my family, because the life of a single divorced working mother is entirely different than the Mormon female stereotype. My kids and I left the cult, because the Mormons abused my children, and the big surprise was that my Sunday depression vanished forever! My career took off, and I was making more money than most of our male Mormon neighbors. I made improvements to our house. I became a Democrat, which was not popular around here. I remained moral, healthy, didn't drink or smoke or rebel, or do anything counterproductive. The kids and I skied or hiked or went to movies on Sunday. We went to the Lutheran church on Christmas and Easter. We found our own way, and some of my grandchildren are Mormons, and some are Republicans, and some have had the same careers forever, and some have changed jobs, and one got divorced and remarried, and we all have loved each other and supported each other throughout.

Human beings have an extrordinary ability to adapt, and that's how we have flourished as a species (except for 2020). Why is it that Mormons criticize people who change their mind, have new ideas, ask too many questions? Curiosity is a good quality.

In your imagination, you can try on various lives, without actually living them, and see what stories make you happiest.

You can change your mind--hundreds of times, if necessary, and there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing is set in stone.

You, like every other human being, in any phase of life, are a work in progress. I thought I would "arrive" at my goals someday, but now I realize that no one ever "arrives." Maybe the people to tell us to live for today are right. Don't lose sleep worrying about the future, and don't beat yourself up over the past. Every one of us has wasted too many hours in front of the TV.

I think it is putting a lot of pressure on a person to force them to make a permanent, unilateral decision that is supposed to last forever. Especially these days, people are so malleable, growing and changing in a world and society that is constantly morphing. Look at how much the Mormon church has changed, for example. I could never be a Mormon wife today.

Your twenties are a decade of figuring out who you are, and what you want to be. Since you are in your twenties, you are on track. It is a time when you pull away from your parents and their beliefs and decide what your beliefs are.

Mormonism has messed up your values for a long time. It won’t change overnight. I agree in making lists. Make a list of everything you have been successful with in deciding your values. Make a list of five things you want to change in your life and try to change those things this year.

Find a therapist you can relate with. Make sure the person is trained in helping cult victims find peace. Consider the therapy as an educational goal. Positive not negative. If the first one doesn’t help find another you relate with.

I didn’t make changes until we’ll in my thirties. You will find many on this board didn’t either. Go to the main ex Mormon page and read the stories of those who succeeded and how long the journey took, the ups and downs.

But you were exposed to a cult your life, grew up in it. You won’t heal over but you will heal. Keep posting or leaking on the board. You will find many here who have struggled for years.

You will make goals, you will succeed, it just takes work.

I turned my life around at age 70 you are a long way from that.
knuckle down Bear down Carry on

Jazz Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I turned 27 last fall and I'm starting to realize
> most of my life was taken up by Mormonism and
> mental illness. Here I am finally figuring myself
> out and trying to recover, but I feel like I'm
> getting too old to make any significant life
> changes or do what I want to do with my life. All
> of my friends are married with kids and here I am
> with no degree, tons of student loan debt, unable
> to function as a real adult because of how wrapped
> up in Mormonism I was, etc. Sometimes I wonder
> what the point of trying is.
>
> Sorry to vent, I'm just in a low point right now.
> There was so much I could've been doing with my
> life.

try jesus OPie ~


you have tried everything else ~


he's alright OPie ~



https://youtu.be/HMzZYkEGywI

It might be getting too old for that.

Remember, they are 27!

At 27 I left England for life in Toronto Canada. I had a wife, two children under 6, three suit cases, 1800 Canadian dollars in my pocket, no job and no clue where we were going to sleep that Sunday night. What I did have was immense optimism and confidence in myself for something better. Jazz you are in control of your attitude and at 27 there is no reason to give in to doubt.

It is hard to be positive when everything seems stacked against you and especially during this time of Covid. Take inventory of your positives, you do have them, develop a plan, even a simple one, that will take you forward to a first goal and build slowly on that. You can do it.

27 is not old. You are still wet behind the ears, as it were. Reverse those numbers. 72. When you are 72, 27 will seem like part of your infancy.

The LDS Church may be the biggest con on earth, but it is not the only one. Lots of people, too late, discover that they have been had,big time, maybe by people who themselves have been had big time. It's time to stop the hadding. How many stories start with "had I but known." But you didn't know, only now you do.

I've been had more than once (church, marriage, career plus any number of minor cons). It seems to be the way life is. Maybe it's the only way we learn.

We all have enough enemies in the world. Don't beat up on yourself.

It may be one-day-at-a-time time.

Hang in there.

I did not remove my garments and stop attending church until I was 27. It coincided with my acceptance of myself as a gay man. It wasn't until I was 35 or so that I discovered I had been lied to my whole life and the church was complete BS. I have now reached a place of peace (at 50) that seemed unattainable when I was 27. It really DOES get better!

I tell you this to testify to you that 27 is not too late at all. It can be quite daunting to think for oneself, but you will discover life is MUCH BETTER on the other side!

Having made it to my 7th decade wandering about, looking for purpose and place, I can report that in those 70 years a lot has happened. Many changes, some tragic, some magic and a slew of terrible missteps are all on my own path of life.

As has been said in so many words: It could be better, and it could be much worse. Life is not satisfaction guaranteed or your money back (see manager for details), so there’s that.

Oddly, people around me are the primary reason for sorrow, odder yet, they manage to bring joy to my life as well. The uptake would be - choose wisely who you allow into your life.

Looking back at the whole mess that is life, I want this as my epitaph:

“Give me solitude, sweet solitude.
But in that solitude, give me one person
To whom I may whisper: ‘Solitude is sweet’”
-Elbert Hubbard

You'll be OK. I have reinvented myself several times. You can, too!

No need to completely "turn it around". Simply turn the wheel to the left or the right, make a course correction and keep on moving forward.

27 seems to be pivotal number.

At 27 I loaded up a Uhaul and headed to L.A. with SLC in the mirror having no idea where I would land or what I would do. Good age to take risks and start exploring if you haven't tied yourself down with wife and kids and risks are now too risky---family first. Don't be jealous of your friends. They have their secret frustrations too.

My nickname for myself has always been "late bloomer." Last rose of summer, that's me. The best years for me have been every year since.

If you aren't happy, you've got to shake it up somehow. Take a good look at the whole world. It's a banquet but you have to fill your plate.

The loan sucks. Education should not be a big business. This country needs to wise up. Good luck getting it paid off.

Have courage and start today. Go slowly or quickly, whatever works in your situation. Don't be afraid of losing what you have because ridding yourself of those things could make space for much better things in your future.

Many of us have turned our lives around and been happy with the results. You can do it too if your try.

I'm sorry about your student loans. College has become absurdly expensive.

A few suggestions your way:

1) You are blessed to have some education in your life, plus blessed you are aware of some mental health issues. Might be helpful to contemplate that there are those in life who are not this fortunate. I am convinced that a gratitude list gets the brain juices flowing....it has helped me!

2) Take good care of yourself -- good food, good exercise, good sleep, good company, good thoughts, and good deeds. Do this at least one day in the next 3 days. Repeat. Take stock? If the answer is yes that these things have made a difference, do continue! You are worth it, my friend.

3) Do dare to dream and dream again, and remember the old saying that "Rome was not built in a day." Someone out there had to have the vision of landing on the moon....the moon! Man has walked on the moon!!! Blows my mind.

4) And last, do remember YOU ARE WORTH IT! We are all worth it.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/04/2021 05:36AM by presleynfactsrock.