I have a person I used to think as a friend. But now feel I need to cut ties. I did cut ties once in the past but she found me and rekindled the relationship.

The problem isn’t Mormonism but it could be similar.

She totally believes the attack on January 6 was ok. She refuses to listen to my views calling me names. She is an adamant non masker. You get the drift.

When we talk or text she demeans me or cuts me short and then ignores me. So I ignore her. When she recontacts me she is rude and starts spewing nonsense.

The same thing happened when I left moronism. I cut ties. But her kids consider me an aunt and cutting off all ties will open a can of worms. Although she had no problem attacking my children.

When is it time? Or do I ignore it and let her disconnect by not responding?

Any ideas. Cult mentality is tiring to me.

Let's see. She calls you names. She demeans you, cuts you short, ignores you, and is rude to you. She attacks your children.

You have to ask if you should keep this relationship going?

I think it's possible to maintain relationships with people with different political and social views (although I would draw the line at people who would call the attack against the Capitol building okay.) The secret is to have a mutual respect and for both people to establish boundaries as needed. For instance, I'm not going to beat a dead horse with friends who take the pandemic a whole lot less seriously than I do. I'm not going to change their minds, and they are not going to change my mind. So I don't go there.

If you have also been agitating in this regard, then I would take a look at that. Some subjects are best left alone, even between friends. But at a minimum you both need a good, long break from each other. I would tell her that -- "You have been saying some very mean things to me lately, and I think we would both benefit from a long break from each other. Let's reconnect over the summer and see if things are better at that point."

Returning rude for rude ought to be a simple equation.

It's no doubt that having you as a sounding board is great fun for her! She's using you and getting a lot of joy out of it.

If you let yourself be used for reasons that don't involve your livelihood or your personal safety, you are a foolish, foolish person.

Get her the F out of your life, and have fun doing it!!! Then for a couple of weeks after, make it a morning mantra to mentally tell her to F-off, so that you'll be in the proper frame of mind should she attempt to reach out to you.

I did this with Joseph Fielding Smith and look what happened to him!!

Is it true that Joseph Fielding Smith got his fashion sense from you? The rumor is often bruited about.

Wondering, life is too short. Don't hang out with people who treat you like that.

Be a mama bear. Protect your cubs from her abuse. Also, I promise you that you’ll be much happier without abusers in your life.

Hugs to you. Relationships can be so hard.

TG

Another thought. Mormonism taught us to have terrible boundaries. Set your boundaries securely by not putting up with her treatment.

TG

Thank you all for your input. I knew that I needed to halt this abuse but putting it in writing makes things clear.

I see a better future foe myself , thanks again.

My best friend leans far to right. I lean far to the left.

We don't talk about LOTS of things.

We utter zero unkind words to eachother. Ever.

Your "friend" is being abusive.

I'm so glad you are getting ready to leave this relationship.

This has happened to me quite a few times. My children and my friends who talk of such things have also lost friends over extreme differences of opinion. These relationships can change, as opinions change.

I have some shallow friends, as well as deeper relationships. Mormons and other extremists can be good tennis players, hiking companions, volunteers, and share many interests with you--but there's still that gap between you.

The deeper relationships, such as with family members, life-long friends, romantic partners, are far more complicated.

I had a horrible time at the beginning of the pandemic, because I was trying to figure out where I stood with my political beliefs, then I got a cancer scare, then people started to die of covid. There were some other problems, too.

I decided to face the problems that I HAD to face, and to do something about them. The other problems, such as politics, false information, people not wearing masks and not believing there was such a thing as covid, I had to take a break from.

I did "take a break", and told some extremist friends that I wasn't in good health, and couldn't talk for very long, and couldn't get upset (my blood pressure was through the roof.). I didn't watch TV for several months. Even the loud, in-your-face commercials were upsetting.

This "personality-cult" politics also reminds us of the cult we just left. It triggers my Mormon PTSD. There is nothing you can do to convince people they are being lied to or brainwashed--nothing. We have to just let them go for a while. Maybe time, knowledge, and experience will teach them something, but maybe not.

My one Mormon child and her Mormon family wouldn't allow me to talk about religion to them at all, and I had to watch my grandchildren cry on Sundays and hate church, and not know why they hated church so much. I had to watch adults brainwash and bully the ones I love!

One of my sons and his family are right-wing republicans. Those grandchildren have Mormon grandparents and other relatives, who get around them with NO MASKS, all the time. The grandparents have covid, and my little ones are in quarantine for being exposed. Yeah--I do not like those people much these days. I feel that they are selfish and don't care about my grandkids or anyone else at all. All I could do is stop going to family parties, where the anti-maskers were, not eat, be extra careful around those exposed grandchildren--and wear a mask to protect my self and my other family members.

An elderly neighbor man and wife both died of covid, and that same day, an old friend dropped by to see me, came into my house, not wearing a mask, and expressed those anti-scientific views, saying that everyone was over-reacting to covid. She said old people were dying of other ailments, and were falsely blaming it on "covid", which was just an ordinary cold. I lost it, and burst out crying, and said that I couldn't see her until I "got over it." I still haven't "gotten over it."

It's extremely difficult to relate to or communicate with someone who is living in an alternate reality. This is why our Nation is so divided right now. This is why so many of our Mormon relationships end when we leave the cult. Sad.

I sympathize. A few years ago, I cut ties with my former best friend. I had been friends with her since we were 8 years old, but she finally went too far.

I ended up just going cold turkey. She's tried to hoover me back a few times, but I just ignore her completely. I have found I don't miss her.

>When we talk or text she demeans me or cut me short and then ignores me.<

I have some thoughts about this. Perhaps you grew up being treated like this, but now recognize that it is not a healthy way to have a relationship. Have you tried to talk to her and explain how this makes you feel? She most likely grew up in this type of atmosphere also.

You are seeing the situation for what it is...unhealthy. You have two choices as I see it. Keep attempting to help her see what she is doing while establishing boundaries in this direction or, give her a deadline or ultimatum where you say that unless she commits to making a change and really trying, you no longer have any interest in having any relationship with her.

And, if the second choice happens, it might be in her missing you that it becomes an example and an impetus to encourage her to make changes. Change is difficult and definitely takes time, and having an example of a more healthy way of living is invaluable.

Insults you? Calls you names? Attacks your children?

Those ties cut passed their "cut by date" long ago. Her children will still like you. How can they not see what she is---unless they are just like her and then cutting ties with them as well could not happen soon enough.

"I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore!" Howard Beale.

One of the advice columnists from back in the day (I'm not sure if it was Ann Landers or Dear Abby, I read them both) used to say that is an easy question: would my life be better or worse without him/her?

I like the Tina Turner song, “Better Be Good to Me.” It applies to any relationship.