My life-long problem.

Either I get irritated or feel an unease that makes me want to run away.

Not a fighter. I just hate it.

Had a distance meeting online with a curator yesterday.Could not look at the curators face on the screen. Just wanted the meeting could end, fast, quick, please now. Stop! Flight-mode activated.

Sat down today and googled for scientifical explanations. It is something with the subcortical system in the brain. A neurological lack of capacity to regulate between was is inhibitory or excitatory.

I remember when a woman looking me in the face twenty years ago a sunny day. She had a wonderful smile and I just felt pissed like a psychopath.


That is not why I try to not get a job, that is why I not try to get laid or met a partner. That must be the truth about me.

What a joke life can be. But there are blessings for sure. I get into my own world in my mind. There I am safe. Daddy in the sky, in heaven my brain would probably be normal.

I meant that is what I do not try to make something out of my life. I run away from the eyes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M7GeF1-EC-k

Aspie rules:

An Aspie can look at you or listen to you, but not both.

Extroverted behavior is looking at the other person's shoes.

Aspies read the directions. Then save them.

> Aspies read the directions.
> Then save them.


OMG! And then I watch a YouTube video on putting it/them/her together!!

"Her?"

Yeah, I got it.

Had a couple of fellow students with aspergers. One was from an ethnic minority and hated another minority and wanted me to write bad things about the group. Another one always stood to close and berated and upbraided everybody.

That has to be difficult. Hope you are surrounded by some people who understand so you can be you.

They are few but I have known people that supported me until I blew it or we went other ways in life.

Very successful people with Asperger's. The list is long, and surprising. Knowing it can be done, give yourself a chance. You may need help from others. Don't be afraid to ask. People will surprise you.

https://www.abadegreeprograms.net/successful-people-on-the-autism-spectrum/

One mistake I do is not talking about it. So people many times think I was only arrogant. It is a bit rude of me. Because people get offended if they learn about it after treating me with social sanctions. They feel bad about it and some like me much lesser than before.

Had this stupid idea that if they demand character out of me I ”play” them by doing nothing. I stopped doing this kind of rigging.

OK. But realize that you may need to connect with a different group of people that will understand your situation. Those groups are out there. They are not just going to appear on your doorstep, you will actually have to make an effort to help yourself. If you do, you will go far.

stillanon Wrote:
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> Very successful people with Asperger's. The list
> is long, and surprising. Knowing it can be done,
> give yourself a chance. You may need help from
> others. Don't be afraid to ask. People will
> surprise you.
>
> https://www.abadegreeprograms.net/successful-peopl
> e-on-the-autism-spectrum/

That's some list!

Woody Allen, Courtney Love and Bill Gates? C'mon!!! I like Woody's films but this is a guy who married his step-daughter and that's just for starters. Courtney Love enjoys notoreity in rock circles and is often suspected of murdering Kurt Cobtain (or at least driving him to suicide). Bill Gates is a very evil and manipulative man, who is about the nearest thing to the Antichrist right now, profiteering off this virus and climate change.

Seriously... Couldn't they list more positive examples?

Ah yes, our Fash correspondent again demonstrating his bizarre mixture of fascination ("Fasc") and paranoid 1950s politics.

Isn't your break over? Someone's got to mop that up.

Sometimes, Cauda, I suspect my friend BoJ has "a touch of the spectrum," to paraphrase a famous playwright.

The man's a genius, even more so than Sam Harris, so you are in excellent company!

One dream is to do something constructive in my life that is not only about surviving and understanding social ”games”.

So it is good to know there are things to do and achieve. Good role models.

> The man's a genius, even more
> so than Sam Harris, so you are
> in excellent company!


While I agree with you, I shan't celebrate this fact until The Cat starts quoting BoJ.

I'm diagnosed with Asperger's, too. Being in my mid-sixties, I can tell you that it is possible to learn to adapt to normal behaviour (and no, I'm not politically correct and I'm not putting it in quotation marks). It's like learning another language - it will never be your native language but you can become fluent in it. So you can learn to look into people's eyes although it will never stop to feel strange. The main problem for us Aspies with it is that it is kind of a sensory overload and that we are not good (to put it mildly) in reading faces. And it's very exhausting to look into people's eyes while listening to them at the same time. But keep on trying. And if you are a male, women will sometimes think that you are just shy which will even make you look cute for some of them. In my youth, I would have never thought that I could live together with a girl but actually I have been in a close relationship for more than 30 years now. Never give up!

Hello

Yes, It is a learning process.

When I was younger I was more prone to conflict and schism-antics. Low empathy.

Completely unaware. I remember that I few months ago was here talking about the KJV and caused trouble. It is less of that today but it happens from time to time. It is important that I stay aware.

It is a benefit not to drink alcohol or use drugs.

My goal is to met someone and live the rest of my life with someone who likes routines and shared rules.

A couple of times women have contacted me. A trend is that I sensed they were very authoritarian woman. They stopped and wanted to know more about me because of my emotional flatness and routines. Very hard nosed women, Almost military.

exmo assburgers ~



will not look into your eyes ~



just your soul OPie ~

There was a person that I met from time to time at a local bar when I was younger and not so much of drunkard. It would take a few years until I lost it when it came to drinking.

But this person was very stubborn on connecting with me everytime we met at the bar.

So after a few months I asked for some ”action”. Our connection went a bit downhill after that.

Explanation: The person worked normally as a social worker and had spotted my lack of theory of mind and my ”ability” to find myself in trouble while drunk. So the person just wanted to stay aware of my situation.

That was a few years back. A couple of times I ended up in conflicts that today could ended up in that someone with a bruised ego would ”help” me ”disappear”.

they're not pita's like normie's ;-)

Dr. No, what are Pitas ?

That's what Wendy called the leader of the Lost Boys!

All Lost Boys are led by a Pita.

Now you know!

Thanks, EOD.

In New York that's called self-preservation.

in the animal kingdom, eye contact means aggression.

What if you flutter your eyelids?

You might try winking first.

well, aren't the bold one!

I visited a korean/china/thai food place once to pick up take away food and remember the cashier did not like my ”test” of keeping eye contact in a conversation.

That must be difficult. I think by now, most educated people understand Asperger's, or being on the spectrum. Would it work for you to explain it, and after a brief greeting, ask the other person to shut off their video on a Zoom call? I know when I'm in a large Zoom meeting, I often prefer to have the video off.

Another trick might simply be to look around their eyes, i.e. at the their foreheads, noses, etc.

Hello summer and everybody that responded to my post. I took all your feedback and wrote down thoughts in a text document here at home to think about the problem. Feels better now. Thank you :)

At school we all shut down the cameras to reduce lag-effect. Only voice meetings. To many different kind of connection types to make it work smoothly with cam. Personally it is relief but other students finds it boring and not especially stimulating over time. One co-student likes to be really social, I get the feeling the she is a former pro-athlete of some sort. She hang around online with an ex-pro that was famous in an international sport. She likes sporty fashion and hairstyling and do not like shutting the camera down at all. I notice that. It is a part of her identity and life to be in a community. Camera off mode takes away lots of talk that not comes naturally out of my mind. But we are all friendly and polite to each other even we have different social demands. So there I feel safe.

With the curator I think it is a legal question because I also have to identify myself with an ID-client. Maybe it was the regulated procedure that took me off balance.

I have been married to an Aspie for 32 years. Interesting 32 years!

This website is helpful, it's run by an Aspie
https://www.aspergerworld.co.uk/

Alcohol does NOT cure or treat Asperbergers!

My son is "highly functioning" Aspbergers/Autistic. (In the US, Aspbergers is not recognized as a diagnostic code any longer)

During his teen years, social interaction was extremely daunting and he would get so angry with others for what I saw as benign things. Then I realized his brain spoke another "language" when it came to socialization and facial cues.

He is also incredibly intelligent and can solve complex situations, mathematics, science, etc.

I sat down with him and had a slow heart to heart conversation.
His anger was more about others not understanding HIM. He didnt realize he also had difficulty understanding others social and emotional cues.

I brought up the language metaphor. I told him that connecting with people and understanding them was like learning a new language. You have to learn how to speak in a new language and hear it to master it.

Slowly he took steps to work on his people skills and has a job, but feels frustrated he hasn't been able to connect in a relationship. He rarely gets angry in minor situations, but it still happens. I don't know if he will ever expand his social skills further, but I do know from other people with Aspbergers you have to want to put effort into others knowing you and getting to know them.

RMM

Recovered Molly Mo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> My son is "highly functioning"
> Aspbergers/Autistic. (In the US, Aspbergers is not
> recognized as a diagnostic code any longer)

Probably because of Hans Asperger's involvement with National Socialism and child murder.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-truth-about-hans-aspergers-nazi-collusion/

I have aspergers but fortunately professionally I have been successful, but I have let my family and kids slip away because I don’t know how to assert myself or negotiate in a normal way.

If you are smart find a job that has an amount of complexity that others will leave you alone to yourself. Data analysis, accounting, jobs that scare off the extroverts.

always remember the world is not going to adapt to you. you have to adapt to the world the best you can.

if you are a man, my dating advice. For most women, and maybe men, good conversation is them talking and you listening. Learn to listen if you are not inclined to speak. be the cool, mysterious silent type. a lot of women are ok with that if you are kind and considerate.

EastBayGuy Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> . . . I have let my family and
> kids slip away because I don’t know how to
> assert myself or negotiate in a normal way.

I'm sorry to hear that. It sounds quite painful.

Thank you all for your feedback.

After reading a Clinical Psychology text I understand that Asperger/ASD comes down to that autists use their memory in another way in social situations.

Neurotypical are more skilled when it comes to procedural memory, they just do what they have to do in a natural way. An autist is more focused on using working memory and engage the world through the frame work of declarative memory. That is way I make everything concrete and irritates many people.

There is a difference between doing a thing without thinking and knowing how to do it.

From time to time I end up in social situations with people that are confused and ask me to do things in a spontaneous way. They just do it but I can not. Some people tell me to smile and be more aware, personally I only know that I ponder a lot and are formal, that i probably because I use my memory in that rigid way. I always think they are strange but I guess they think I am strange. I do smile and feel joy but there is the ongoing process of thinking and understanding life. My joy can most of the time be without a smile. Probably that is why I am completely out of the normal ways of doing social things and it frustrates me.

There is also a very unfortunate experience.

It creates rifts in relationships when I can not keep up with the speed. I need time and people I knew and "lost" over time always told me to work on relationships. I was ready but they did not have the time to wait. Now I see, then I felt inside me that I was certain that I wanted to work but it always ended feeling like they were pushing me, putting words in my mouth, projecting on me why I did not do it the right way. I thought they were jerks putting me in trouble and they probably thought the same of me.

That is a downside with autism. Social things just happen and you have no idea how to stop it. Relationships unravel because of things you experience as misunderstandings, and you just feel waiiiiiiiiiiiiit. But it is over before you even used your working memory.