Posted by:
Nightingale
(
)
Date: March 09, 2021 06:18PM
>..Americans are not used to the rigid class system, court protocol, or the royal pecking order
I think this is a big part of how difficult it can be for non-Brits to join "The Firm" and make a smooth transition from their former life to the new one. In the case of Diana, Harry's mother, even being considered part of the aristocracy, she was not prepared, apparently, for the realities involved in being a main member of the Royal Family. It would be much stranger to anyone not aware of the history and protocol and expectations that would suddenly be pressing on every aspect of their life and will.
In the interview with Meghan, Oprah said something to the effect of "you obviously would have done a ton of research before marrying into the British Royal Family". Meghan said "No, I didn't do any research".
This would likely seem strange to many, that Meghan would have made such a momentous and life-changing decision to move to England and marry a royal prince, grandson of the reigning monarch, and become a representative of the Crown alongside Prince Harry without having any idea of what that entails and not thinking to look into it before making such a commitment. (By merely marrying Harry she seemed to outsiders and likely to the Royals to have accepted the role she was expected to adopt).
It seems like a massive communication fail to me. Likely both sides should have done more to prepare. In retrospect, it seems that Meghan just thought she was marrying Harry, the man she loved. He was obviously smitten and may not have thought beyond the immediate either. Perhaps a lot of assumptions were made, by the Royals and British society, that Meghan would know beforehand what she was getting into, and by Meghan that it was a question of getting married, period. We don't know what she was expecting but obviously it wasn't what the role turned out to be. Perhaps high up on the list was that her life would change in major ways, chief among them that she wouldn't be in the same situation as she was before meeting Harry or during their courtship and engagement periods.
When you're in the first blush of romantic love you can feel that all things are possible and don't see looming pitfalls at all.
One example of Meghan's lack of knowledge about the realities of becoming part of the Royal Family is her disclosure about the time Harry said to her that they were going to "meet my grandmother". That translates into you are going to be introduced to the Queen of the United Kingdom. Maybe it didn't sound like that to her. Until Harry said "You'll have to curtsy". "What?" was her response, according to my recollection of her description to Oprah of this event. Meghan seemed to indicate, if she didn't outright state, that she had NO CLUE this was the case (that QEII's children and their children and everybody in the circle and the courtiers and even politicians curtsy upon coming into the Queen's presence). She also looked shocked at the recollection and I think she said she didn't even know what a curtsy was. As a Canadian, living in a Commonwealth country (meaning QEII is our Head of State) this is bizarre. Harry had to demonstrate for her and she apparently ended up making a very deep curtsy when finally in the Queen's presence. Harry and Meghan smiled at that memory.
That is a teeny example of the absolute diametrically different reality in the UK and her new life there compared to having lived for years in North America as an independent, rich, American woman who was known as a TV star. Suddenly, she finds herself in a vastly different world, in a role she seemed to have no prior knowledge about, with a resulting loss of independence and familiarity, without the immediate solace of family and friends and suddenly being unable to make her own independent decisions. Shock ensued.
One of the shockers I didn't expect was that apparently she had to surrender her passport and other personal items. So she wouldn't have been free to travel of her own free will without being able to regain possession of her passport and other ID.
I was born in England and all my maternal and paternal relatives were left behind when my parents moved my sister and myself as very young children to Canada. We kept in close touch through the years with grandparents and uncles and aunts. We visited several times through the years. Still, it would be a huge undertaking now for me to move there, even with close relatives around and about. It is such a different place from Canada, even though we are in the Commonwealth, hear plenty of news about the Queen et al and are familiar with the whole monarchy thing. There was certainly saturating coverage of Harry's mom, Princess Diana. I try to visualize an American moving there without being familiar with the place and then embarking on a completely different lifestyle, especially one where their own preferences and wishes are subsumed and their "duty" is chosen for them. It's likely a near complete withdrawal from one's entire former life.
Then add in the toxic British tabloids.
Recipe for disaster.
I admired Prince Harry for mentioning his mental health challenges while they were still in England. Not an easy thing for anyone to do. And it totally resonated with me when he said recently (prior to the Oprah interview) that they had moved to North America because he was "afraid of history repeating itself", meaning I assumed, that he and/or his family (Meghan and Archie) would somehow suffer a similar fate to his mother's (being hounded by the press that ultimately directly resulted in her very sad premature death). That completely resonated with me and I felt deep sympathy for them. Zero freedom and lurking danger from death threats and a rabid unrelenting press pack every time they ventured outside.
I admired his mother greatly for her charity work. I still recall vividly the photos of Diana sitting on the bed of an AIDS patient in the '80s when even medical personnel were afraid of close contact (due to the disease not being well understood at that time). I was amazed at her courage and grace and at how she could make people feel her warmth and regard for them, which was a boon to many. She could never go out and about spontaneously and enjoy a quick shopping trip or a bite to eat in a cute cafe. The press and many people felt they owned her and she owed them.
I could totally relate to Harry's concern and felt a lot of concern and compassion for him and his new little family.
Unfortunately, all too many people think they have a right to comment on people's motivations that they have no way of knowing about for sure and view them as spoiled, entitled, empty-headed people who have no right to "complain" or ask for privacy or consideration. When Harry used the word 'trapped' to describe how he felt, I can easily see how that is the case. Born into a system and a family that allows for little in the way of personal expression (see how vilified they are by many for merely speaking out on their own behalf) or choices (his destiny is mapped out for him before birth and he is expected to fully comply).
I also didn't realize until Harry mentioned it (I haven't actually been following the entire saga but did want to see this latest interview) that all his patronages have been removed from him. Translation: All the charities of which he was patron. I'm sure they will sadly miss his support and involvement. I especially admired his creation of the Invictus Games that helps wounded warriors. I suppose he has to also give up his personal involvement in that.
I find Harry to be a quiet, thoughtful, respectful well-spoken man who was courageous as a member of the British Armed Services and creative, generous and kind. A great loss to the family, in short, if things don't improve between them. I can almost feel the pain he still feels deeply at the loss of his mom who was close to her boys. It was heartbreaking to see that little boy, Harry, out amongst the mourning crowds after his mother's tragic death, looking at the flowers and greeting the people. Doing his duty, iow. Even at that young age and in those dark circumstances.
As for the racism allegations, I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised, as others have said. Again, the tabloids and shrill talk show hosts are screaming about Meghan and Harry supposedly "accusing the royal family of racism". I didn't hear them say that. I thought they spoke more of a single person who made the most egregious remarks (I could be wrong). Perhaps it's a case of the family/the firm being seen as racist due to not taking action on Meghan's behalf, according to Meghan and Harry.
If folks feel so inclined, it's crucial to understand and respect how Meghan felt, how she experienced events and perceived comments rather than finding excuses for slights and lapses and perhaps outright racism and lack of needed support. It's so easy to dismiss things when they're not directed at oneself. And imagine the ferocity of a mother bear protecting her cubs - same instincts that a human mother has for her children, even before birth. If someone queried the worth of your child based on their skin colour, of course you would defend them with your entire being. Obviously the issue of Archie not having a title bit deep but maybe that is based on a misunderstanding (see info in another post on this thread about the way titles are dispensed).
It is an explosive situation for the Royal Family and hopefully they can mend rifts, privately as they have announced, as most families try to do. For sure the tabloids will only make things much worse.
People can gripe about how the royals are rich and privileged. Yeah. They are. But like all of us, they had no choice about the family they were born into. So thinking they should just sit down and shut up isn't helpful or realistic at this point.
I hope it turns out as best possible for all concerned. And I find it very sad.