Dear bishop,

I know I did wrong, but I don't know exactly how to remedy the matter. I've repented, and asked for assistance from Holy McGhost, but so far nothing! So please help!

What I did was buy a pair of Sketchers shoes at Costco. The pair on display show a sneaker, with laces, but upon closer examination, the laces are faux!!! It's a slip-on shoe!!!

I politely found a worker and asked if it were permitted to try on the shoes, to check for the right fit. I worried that it might not be okay, because there are no seats, nor shoehorns. The lady asked to see my hands, front and back, and then satisfied, wrote me out a pass.

I found a pair that fit and bought them.

Now every day that I wear them, I am racked with guilt. There is no doubt in my mind that when people see these shoes, they assume that I had to bend over to tie the laces. At first, I would blurt out that they're loafers, but I got push-back on that, mostly along the lines of "Well, so are you, so it must be a perfect fit!"

Bishop, can I keep on wearing them, with maybe a little placard attached explaining the situation, or should I just throw them out? I know if you say to stop wearing them, I can't donate them, because that would just tempt someone else to be a sinner.

Thank you, bishop.

I know she's been dead a while, but you'd probably get better advice from Dear Abby. At least she has a verifiable track record.

OPie's slip on shoes ~



better not come off his feet ~



fighting the bishop ~

My work boots have laces, but a zipper on the side. It takes 4 seconds to put them on.

I am headed to Outer Darkness.

A zipper on the side!!!!


... I can't even find words ...

Please clarify what the issue is here. Is there a problem with shoes that have laces, or is bending over an issue? Thanks!

The only interest I ever had with some strangers laces was when they were untied and they could be stepped on and trip the wearer.

Otherwise, who cares are somebody's laces?

I am not a bishop nor have I been nor will I ever be. I was, however, a branch president while on my mission for two days, which was the amount of time it took the mission president to discern what a reprobate I was (and continue to be, if it matters). For that reason and others, I am qualified to answer your question.

I urge you to torch the shoes. It would be best if you wore a tactical or military grade gas mask while burning them, as the fumes will likely be quite toxic. For that matter, the shoes will probably melt more than they will actually burn, but the effect will be the same. (EDITED TO ADD: it would also be better if you removed your feet from the shoes before you torched the shoes.)

It's your very soul or the shoes. You make the call.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 04/02/2021 10:30PM by scmd1.

Now every day that I wear them, I am racked with guilt. There is no doubt in my mind that when people see these shoes, they assume that I had to bend over to tie the laces. At first, I would blurt out that they're loafers, but I got push-back on that, mostly along the lines of "Well, so are you, so it must be a perfect fit!"

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Those boys in the white shirts are now following you!

Blindguy, thanks for taking the matter seriously.

Unlike that reprobate quack, scmd1.

That's quacksalver (or kwakzalver) to you, EOD.

Don't pay Jesus any attention. His shoes don't even have laces.

HAHAHAHAHA

Shoelaces are the bane of my existence. Parents gleefully buy lace-up shoes for their offspring, and then refuse to teach their kids how to tie the shoes. Therefore, the taxpaying citizenry pays tens of thousands of dollars to me for the express purpose of tying shoes all day long. And don't get me started on those demon laces! You can double knot them, triple knot them, it doesn't matter. Those suckers will immediately start working their way loose, and before too long, there will be a trail of dangling laces tripping down the hallway.

I applaud your solution, EOD, and I promise I won't tell.

Posted by: obsidian53 ( )
Date: April 02, 2021 02:30PM

Please clarify what the issue is here. Is there a problem with shoes that have laces, or is bending over an issue? Thanks!
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In my neck of the woods--which includes Hollywood, a man does not bend over for anything, as he will likely be goosed.

What happens if they drop the soap, or should I say when they drop anything?