Posted by:
Breeze
(
)
Date: April 04, 2021 04:54AM
This happened to me, too, when I first discovered that the Mormon church was not true, and that JS lied. I cried for days, and couldn't sleep. I felt like the rug was pulled out from under me.
I was born into a prominent GA family, and I enjoyed my life as a popular, virtuous Mormon girl--until I grew into a woman and married an RM at BYU, from another GA family. A couple of hours after our temple wedding, my new groom read me D&C 132 (which I also don't believe is true), and told me that I was now his possession, and that he could do whatever he wanted to do to me, whenever he wanted, and that if a woman did not obey her husband, she would suffer in outer darkness, and be separated from her loved ones for eternity. I had been raised a liberal Mormon in California, and was shocked at this disrespect for women's rights. When I wanted to postpone sex for two hours, until after the reception, because I valued my virginity, and wanted to be a virgin bride in a white dress at our wedding reception, he assaulted me and raped me, injuring me so badly that I was in terrible pain at the reception. From then on, he beat me almost every day, for no reason. He strangled me until I stopped breathing, on several occasions, and broke my arm, and shattered my jaw in several places--really, I had to leave him, for fear of my life, but the church blamed me, the woman. for the divorce.
I wonder if some of us need something quite extreme to jolt us out of our brainwashed stupor! I'm one of those people who say that "leaving the Mormon cult was the best thing I ever did." and "I have been sooooo much happier outside the church". It was life over death!
I have PTSD, and am unable to feel comfortable in any kind of church setting, but early on, I made a conscious decision to keep my beliefs in God and the teachings of Christ, which included much of the Bible.
The temple rituals, the BOA, the BOM, the D&C, the contradictory fake church history, the fairytales, and the cultish made-up rules and threats seemed obviously false to me.
For me to give up God and Christ might have been too much for me to bear, back then. Now, about a decade later, I often question the divinity of Christ, but not his wisdom. God is an intelligent creator, but that's about all I know. I believe that God does not intervene or prompt us or move us around like chess pieces. I believe that God is bound by death (He doesn't save starving children), time and space and dimention (He doesn't visit us or talk to us). Prayer does work, but only in our mind to clarify what we already have felt and learned and experienced. Blessings come from those prople who love us, and those with great knowledge and know-how, like doctors, rescuers, workers, teams of human beings trying to make life better, and all those good things (which God also created.)
Relax and be patient! You might come to the conclusion that you are free to believe anything you WANT to believe--whatever brings you happiness, peace, love, success, or whatevr you are looking for. What's most important is how you live your life. I have investigated other religions and philosophies, which have been interesting and enlightening, but I haven't deviated in my basic values, morals, integrity, lifestyle, and main goals in life. I am living a great life, but without any Mormon abuse, contsraints, mysogyny, racism, gossip. Hopefully, no one is lying to me anymore, or trying to take my money anymore. I'm proud that I saved my children from Mormon abuse and brainwashing.
Respect your own gut feelings! Keep your own motives pure (do you really want to escape the cult, or do you merely want revenge or to rebel?). Do you really want to find another relibion to take the place of the cult you just left? Find out who you really are.
I don't believe in the Mormon God (MorGod), who was once a man, and is a God that needs Mormons' money and temple work, and a God who chose the likes of JS to represent Him, and who cares how many earrings women wear. I like things simple and clear. It's all the ADDED-ON mumbojumbo and superstitions that I was never able to swallow--especially the ever-changing Joseph Smith Story. My kids never believed it, either.
There are as many versions of God as there are people. We each have our own.
Concentrate on wiping your mind clean. That's what I did. I worked hard to forget the false teachings and get rid of the fear that the Mormon cult inflicts on its victims. De-program! Therapy helped me. Read Hussein, and other books on the subject of brainwashing. Replace old myths with NEW FACTS. Try on new ideas, like Buddhism, Deism, The Force. Religious thoughts can be crowded out with anything at all--trivial factoids, new hobbies, new people in your life, a new major in college, your career, travel, learning in general, sports, even video games.
"Man is that he might have JOY!" This can be an adventure for you--finding your own personal Truth.
"There is no One Great Truth; it's all true."
--Ernest Hemingway.