Date: July 01, 2021 01:55AM
I was aware of my husband's previous marriage. What I didn't know, until I recently discovered it, is that I'm actually wife #4, not #2, I thought. We discussed previous relationships before we got married, but he referred to them as relationships, not marriages. I also pulled out our marriage license application where you have to declare which marriage this is...he wrote "second".
When asked why he did this, he replied, "it was along time ago, the marriages were so short, I thought you may not marry me, you didn't ask".
I'm really struggling with this. It feels kinda like discovering hidden church stuff all over again.
Date: July 01, 2021 12:47PM
A very, very popular phrase goes, "That's not how I remember it!"
I sincerely believe that every one of us has edited an event or two in our lives and that the majority of us would rather the truth of what really happened not ever come out.
For most of us, these are rather trivial events. But for some, the repercussions were not trivial.
Imagine a Thread here titled, "What's the most embarrassing, not to mention revealing, act or inaction that you've lied about to hide the truth?"
And then there are the decisions we make in terms of who we forgive and what we forgive.
No one is purely logical in this arena, which requires us to live with the concept of favoritism. Which is the silly, shallow rivulet of emotion from whence racism emerges, among other insults to an ordered existence.
logged out today
Date: July 01, 2021 02:17PM
Nevada residency is 6 weeks, not 6 months, but you're right in that the Monday divorce isn't really possible.
I suppose it could conceivably happen over summer vacation, where they get married in June/July, remain in Vegas or Reno while making out like rabbits for a month and a half, get it out of their system, then get the divorce or annulment and be back well in time for the fall term, no one the wiser.
(Notice I said "conceivably," not "likely.")
Date: July 03, 2021 07:59PM
I was 22 when I transitioned from the mission to BYU: left the mission in the morning and signed up for classes that same afternoon, courtesy of the church travel office. Then they flew me home that evening.
This was mid-semester, third week of September, 1967.
My last Senior Companion had found me a place to live, and one of my two roommates was engaged to a girl living with three other girls in an off-campus apartment. I ended up, Christmas of 1967, sitting in the kitchen of this girl's parents, after a day at Disneyland, hearing her tell her parents, "We're getting married."
The subject had never come up. But that was the path good mormons followed so I went along with it. Would I have proposed on my own? Probably... maybe...
A very curious fact (especially at BYU) existed in my BYU Temple Bride's life: She was a certified non-virgin. The story she told me was that the summer after her high school graduation, she and her boyfriend eloped. They high-tailed it out of Dallas, TX, found a Justice-of-the-Peace and got married. So, non-virgin... The parents on both sides worked to get that marriage annulled. ...again, that was the story.
Three summers ago, when Saucie and I went up to Utah to meet BYU Boner and NotMeMike, about three weeks had passed since that BYU bride had passed away. When we stopped in Orem to visit my TBM oldest daughter, there were a couple of the funeral programs on a side table.
I thumbed through it. ...no mention of me... But there was a nice layout of wedding photos ... That I didn't recognize!!
She'd never married again after we divorced, so my mind was scrambling to line up the evidence that I knew about with the evidence of what I was seeing.
It turned out that my BYU temple bride and her high school boyfriend had not eloped. Nope, they'd had a big beautiful (non-mormon) church wedding, with all the folderal. Those were the photos in the program.
Then a few months later he'd dumped her. No details were known to my TBM daughter as to the whys and wherefores of the dumping.
Whether or not the truth would have affected me (compared to the lie I was told), I can't say. But lying is a character issue. A person of better character wouldn't have lied and might have been more attractive in the long term.
Date: July 07, 2021 03:02PM
One fact that would be tough for me to handle is his lack of understanding of what he did. He isn't willing to take responsibility. That's another BIG ISSUE.
Old Dr. Phil. I know people don't think he is someone to get advice for, but when he was on Oprah when he was first around, an ex-wife told him that her ex-husband would come over to have sex, and she couldn't understand why he didn't want to get back with her if he was coming over to have sex. Dr. Phil said, "He treats you this way why?" She stopped and thought for a second and she said, "Because I let him." That opened up my eyes in how my "husband" was treating me after he left (no, he didn't come back to have sex, but he kept dangling coming back in my face and then I'd get my hopes up and he'd change his mind). I quit putting up with the way he treated me. (I was asked to be on Oprah as I wrote to Dr. Phil about this, but I turned them down.) This was long ago.
But another thing Dr. Phil would tell people when a spouse would cheat, he'd tell the cheating spouse that you put up with her questions and her spying on you UNTIL she feels like she can stay with you and trust you.
Your husband isn't taking responsibility. He lied and he needs to make sure you are okay and can trust him UNTIL. He is acting as though he did nothing. That is a huge problem. If I didn't already say it.