It's very easy for your son to focus on the church, to be defined by the church if he has never faced a truly conflicting challenge. Has he ever had to put his loyalties to you and to the church on the line? Faced with the reality of that choice, he might surprise you. I mean why assume you're going to lose out to the church? Are you saying he loves it so much more than you that he won't compromise, won't adjust his thinking, won't find a way to accommodate both?

He...might. I know that appears to be a flaw in him, but I don't regard it as such. He is dedicated and truly knows with all his heart the church is true, the gospel is correct and eternal, and that our family will only be together if we all submit to the ordinances necessary. I bear responsibility for part of that - we didn't teach him directly (never had FHE because we LOATHE FHE, didn't do family prayer also because we LOATHE it, etc.), but by default allowed it to be taught to him and appeared to condone it by attending church all his life. I've been thinking all this over carefully, difficult as it is, and I still wonder where he would land if he was truly challenged - he is loyal to his family and honors us as his parents in every way, yet his belief in the gospel and his total dedication to spreading the word is complete. I guess I just don't know. Yes, I know that will portray him negatively, at least in these forums (it's a subjective matter, is it not? In other venues he is viewed as top-notch material in every way, which he is). I suppose that is the difficult part for me - I didn't ever want to have to put him in that position, possibly having to choose. It's the proverbial rock and hard place situation - needing to be true to myself, yet wanting the same for him. I feel as though I'm betraying him, in a way. Maybe, as you suggest, he can find a way to accommodate both - I hope so. If there is a way to do so he will - he is an intelligent, sensitive, perceptive young man, and he does not want to hurt me either. Maybe we can mix the two worlds - it will still hurt him, of course, but I hope that, in the end, we can find a middle ground that is not too painful for either one of us.