We'll finally learn where Zarahemla was. (insider information: it was actually in Patagonia. That's the only place the Native Americans would let the white people settle).
They will tell us how many Heavenly Mothers there are, and their names, so we can choose which one to pray to.
Starting in July, all decisions by the bishoprics must have the approval of the RS presidency.
Starting in August, all bishops must be interviewed for worthiness by a panel made of three young men and three young women. The decision of the judges will be final.
Finally, they were wrong and they will reverse the excommunications of anyone born after 1829.
It's a cotton-picking fluke that there won't be a conference session on April 1st, isn't it?
regardless of what's said/preached/claimed (predictable, boring, over-stated dribble), the TBMs will out-do each other claiming what a 'spiritual experience' it was, Bank On It.
God hates gays so bad he imposed a fatwah against their kids being blessed, so effectively He cursed them for the sins of their fathers, which completely violates our Articles of Faith and renders Christ’s Atonement meaningless. Jesus, you died for nothing.
I predict that conference will confirm the truthfulness of the gospel and inspire the faithful members of the church.....and pass by without notice by the rest of the world.
I told my tbm mom that God has to top the time he took Tommy Monson home between sessions and of these times he needs to take Russ home mid-session. Plus that would finally spice things up.
About 80% of the talks will be about JC and his life and ministry. That's a given because that is what Rusty pushes. All you have to do is *think* about doing good and helping others and all is cool. Sure wish that I could have gotten away with that. The few times that I skipped out of a Saturday service project, the ym leader would drive to my home to pick me up anyhow. Sometimes, he would come (uninvited) around dinner time and make a pest of himself. It worked as I would be hounded by my Mom not to miss the next one.
Perhaps Holland or Bednar will offer a "get off your ass"- the ward needs you at CHURCH talk. Many people found out that doing church from home is very keen.
I testify that you will be more uplifted and have a greater spiritual experience watching some of the Eagle nesting on the link than all the sessions of Conference combined. That's right - LIVE bald eagles on the nest. Eggs projected to hatch this coming week.
Something the whole family can watch. Much more lively than conference speakers - even when the eagle on the nest is sleeping.
It will be the same boring drivel as it always is. Don’t expect the conflict in the Ukraine or possible escalation to a nuclear war to change the program much.
I would guess that there would be a lot of talk of signs of the last days so get your butts in the seats, pay your tithing and get with the program! Additionally, lots of pressure to get your family back on the straight and narrow before it's too late. Why let the situation in Ukraine go to waste?
Announce quietly that due to the war the Moscow temple will be postponed pending more favourable conditions at which point any reference to it will disappear from the website.
Alternatively the last session will be broadcast live from a field in Moscow for a secret groundbreaking ceremony with hankie waving.
Hell they might announce they've got enough money to spruce up the kyiv temple again so there going to do the decent thing and open the basement as a shelter. Tabards and pr and all that.
Much more likely pay pray obey be like jesus but our version of jesus and all will be well.